Revolution·Revelation·Resolution

aww man...

2007-11-21T20:23:00.000+08:00

man...havent posted in a long time...

seems like everything is so busy...in my life that is...

now...i have some really great members whom i have the fortune to meet...

and i have some freaking test to study for... guess i'll go rot somewhere

revamp

2007-10-04T18:51:00.000+08:00

i will convert this blog into a music blog, where i will feature the latest albums which i have already found. i shall not waste time featuring older albums, but will feature the new downloaded ones every now and then. hope all can come and read and find some music they like.

also, in view of the Mev incident, the shoutbox was removed to prevent flames. this was a preventive step taken in accordance to experience from the past. all is well now, as it should be.

the next album features should come in during the weekdays.

anyways, about personal life, i should be going to somewhere interesting tomorrow, and getting something that will bring my music-ing interest in percussions to the next level. cant wait!

this blog will also now feature some of Chikara's (Vogue_Ace's band) goings-on. it should be updated whenever there is news or some form of event. currently, Alfred Chong, our guitarist is having a "fun" time in NS, and Shino is doing his O Levels. Pearl is busy at work as usual, and Julian, possibly up to what hes always doing. me? i dont know...

thats all for now i think.

why the f*** do i always forget to post in such a long time!!?!?

2007-09-15T20:46:00.000+08:00

okay, much has happened since i last posted......

where should i start......

uh......lemme see.... went back to school a number of times throughout the vacation just cuz i had nothing to do, and in the meantime, Mev has reformed, and is revived... i hope this new stint can really bring the band to greater heights. much has happened to all of them, and i am sure they have been through some bitter ordeal through jcode, but i will come in to right some of the things, hopefully?

there was a fiasco with julian (band: chikara) the bassist. nearly thought i was gonna have to kick him, but turns out hes still loyal. i'll turn a blind eye to this incident cuz i just dont wanna cause much confusion, and for the benefit of maintaining good relations. hes gonna juggle 2 bands like me now... hope hes okay

there was one wednesday i think....i was supposed to head down to atsuki gl for the usual hare hare yukai practice, but turns out, my mood was playin me as usual. headed to william's place right after manga lessons ended. turns out, i had to use a lan cable to play lunia at his place! how silly... i quitted lunia anyways...

right then...lots of news about disasters lately...earthquakes, fires....all of these stuff claimed lives man... shame..... oh yea, need i mention, the Japanese pm resigned... and they are still launchin a shuttle to the moon? -_-

ah yep, just finished watching nodame cantabile not long ago.......neat show, romance comedy...kinda like my favourite. the characters in it are all like "smack outta the manga/anime"... the actors are good i guess...

now i am thinking of my new mandate towards music...... guess i will put my fullest attention to music, but in the meantime, still follow my academic pursuits seriously, or else it would start attractin' negative attention, which may cause me some inconveniences.....not good..... heh...

oh i forgot to mention tanghoon festival~ ate and had fun there...maybe the only stuff i liked was discussin' stuff with vectors and da jie... nothin much, mostly band matters and nodame cantabile cosplay matters.... turns out i'll have to do a tanioka sensei.... hope it turns out fine though.... cant imagine if it doesnt~!

ah application for japanese language course seems to be successful. i will be submitting the payment next week. lesson proper will start on the first week of school...i am beginning to wonder how it will turn out! a little excited yea...

got back my results too! turns out i got a satisfactory score... gpa 3.05....great... gotta work a little harder next sem i guess....... have to watch out when i can actually have time to fool around now.......... hate unwanted attention, which always turns out to be negative...

ah and theres this CCA recruitment drive thing happening again. this time i am thinking of applying for LOA to help man the booths. but am reconsidering...the modules i have seem a little tough and require my attention...

ah wells....thats life so far..... its like recounting everything i guess? all that i can remember......

regarding people around me...... mmm....... i'd say i am getting to know pearl a little more lately....strangely too...... pumkin is getting a little distant, yet always seems so close when we talk... finoa is aloof as usual...havent been hearing from her lately...

ah to those who tag at the tagboard....... WELCOME~

now i wonder what is gonna be my next blog skin........ i really like this skin actually.... and come to think of it, every post in recent months has always been about changing skins......maybe i'll put that off for a little while...

very good then...guess i have nothing more to say now...back to sgcafe and see what fun there is there (although it is really devoid of fun sometimes...)

to the new school semester... GANBATTE~~

XP

2007-08-27T09:21:00.000+08:00

ok, just finished a weekend of fun, and a whole week of exam stress thak made me feel like i am gona spit blood anytime.

anyways, electronics paper went extremely uneventfully okay... thought it was gonna be a killer, but was also hoping for it to be damn easy, yet all i got wa something normal...tch...

so after that darned paper...went to collect natsu matsuri tix, which were like a4??!?? i was like, omgwthbbq?!? anyway, was practicing with my sticks on my pillow every night so that i was ready for that jam session that day

went there, early, met everyone, nice turnout made me so ecstatic, think thats one of the reasons why i hit the drum kit so hard... but then again, guess it was a miracle that the sticks did not break this time o.O

lawl, and that morning, i was like chatting to Finoa while she was going to JAS, just to find out that you can only get tix at 5:30...lawl... and i was playing this game that Vectors gave me... sounds so stupid too...

so natsu matsuri was fun. went with a whole crowd, met SPLA people there, tried some of the food, went for that dance, and felt like lawl, cuz i was always thinking that i am wearing some bathrobe (which later on, i just made up my mind that it IS a bathrobe, period...dont wanna decide whether or not it is a bathrobe) o.O

sunday went like quite uneventfully? lawl? think i practically hated sundays... what with all those family time? lawl...i really hated family time...i just complied with my ma cuz i was sick and tired of argueing... nowadays, i just comply and keep outta trouble, doing whatever my mom wants so that i do not get an earful, cuz i am already sick and tired of it. things that they ban are things that i like, so if you take drumming/band activity into account, i guess, i have to d those stuff in secret till the time is right.

when i finish that darned 2 years of national servitude, i may consider jut leaving....get some work, leave my family behind. never return, maybe just communicate to my brother secretly, but otherwise i want to have no contact with them in the future... darned idiots... they dont know how much hell they are giving me emotionally... wait till i just walk out.

thankfully, i jut wanna do stuff to keep my mind of them. darned warning by my pops says that i cant go out much during the holidays. to hell wih that man, i mean, who wants to control your life like that?!? really hate it!

oh, and i am moving. gonna shift house real soon, to soewhere in YewTee... damn, i just nodded my head when they approached me on the subject on moving house. man, i just dont wanna move... ah but whatever, just that few more years, nd i wont need to think about it anymore...

right now, i just wanna spend some time doing stuff that i like...wednesday is manga class, and pearl says she is taking the day off to visit us! kewl! and we even decided to use Moberly block to jam on that day, before manga class...hope it all goes well.... i really cant stand staying at home all day...

cant wait for school to start. i wanna be back at where i really have a life. right now, i am gonna be forced into some slave labour, by being asked to help pack stuff cuz we are moving house at the end of september... darn it...

hurry up and gimme my timetable! i wanna get back to school ASAP! hope i can have those kind of 3 hour break lawl, then i can head to visit places...

back from the depths of inactivity!!!

2007-08-14T18:20:00.000+08:00

AR! looks like i have not updated this in a long time...hehe...time i did some major updating XP

okay...where should i start man... hmm.......... backtrack to all the way to when i had to hands over my sennhiser to her? hmm...yea handed it to her for safe keeping, after i got a dressing down on how emo i actually look lmao...which acherly makes sense, maybe?

so...i recently have become active in cosplay section of sgcafe huh.......jump ship...now don noe if i am too late to even join lols... currently seeing if i can do Get Backers for EOY07 and Bleach for CosFest 08......application status? pending!!!!!!

as for the club matters...lemme see....have been going outta dinner with them quite a few times lately...hehe...... esp when they have so much to tell you haha... once you are done eating...all of us sit together and start talking and sharing everything they have been through in the past... now thats what i call socializing hehehehe

plenty of work to do now...and i had a fiasco at tests too!!! lab tests? Mechanics Final Paper? AutoCAD paper? all a breeze...thanks to lecturer help...tho i feel that luck may not be on my side for the next two papers...nwo i just hope they can be finished quickly...i dont have time for all those kinda mindboggling stuff...i wanna go jam and have fun at natsu matsuri~~~~ i just cant wait!!!

recently went back to SOFT and had a mild presence there for a while...now i am still considering if i wanna go to the SOFT drummer's meetup...but then again...i think i might as well just have given it a miss...cuz i really need to purchase those yuukatas for natsu matsuri~

plenty of stuff to expect...during the long vacation...guess i am gonna have to have a hand at manga...full force!!! and also start to source for parts to do cosplay hehe~

guess its time to make a move...i'll update some more tomorrow...man...i am starting to know more people suddenly hehe... ah well...ja-ne~ kupo~

back again?

2007-07-25T22:45:00.000+08:00

yeap, back again to update!

bought the last HP book!!! wee~~~ reading it now...

manga class was a breezzeee.....bought the wrong pen...spill ink,watch the people there curse me for the lazy man guides... NO WAY I AM GONNA GIVE UP THE LAZY MAN GUIDE!

then tomorrow have school late...kept all my fren's papers so i can refer...lol...study before i hand to them! XP

now i considering some stuff...maybe i may wanna stay up late and read HP till i rot and die...and then tmr morning read some more then go to school see GPT for autocad...

shld i visit the clubhouse? hell yes! if lesson end early la...

oh, exam coming soon, and i am trying to learn things at that fast rate again! that way, wont fail! i hope?

ah well, tats all i can update....ja-ne!

time to post again!!!

2007-07-19T19:55:00.000+08:00

okay, i havent been updating of late...been really busy...

where should i start...mmm...sth random perhaps? cosfest 07 was great! lots of pictures to take...though some of the cosplayers did not made th mark.....

got to know syuuko there....shes been quite sth in our club forum of late...i think the people there are still trying to guess who she is...maybe some alreay know, ah i don know... HEH

almost immediately after i got to know her...then i got asked and invited to cosplay prince of tennis for EOY2007! XP that was certainly fast XP, i really wonder how its gonna be like.....

then there is manga classes, which are now held at T2011......did not have much problems with that place, or getting there, but i sometimes cant help but feel a little....fidgety....dont really feel good there...anyways, that lesson on wednesday was great...laughed over the top...had not laughed like that in quite a while XP...william wore skates that day, fell down the hill, collided with a car, used up his luck in that stunt, and got slapped with a $50 fine for "playing rollerblade in concourse area"...the charge? "non-compliance with rules" when evidently there is no sign that says so....zzz.......

gonna be super busy tomorrow!!! XP deciding whether i should play LAN at the clubhouse or what XP....oh, and i best get another shirt for tmr XP

heh, when i wanna post...looks like i will write lots when i have sth to think of...XP...lots to expect, XP

oh, and i just got 70 for a silly quiz in class today...XD....shd do some good to my grades... speaking of which...i best go do some work real soon...otherwise i might not make it tmr XP

argh!

2007-07-11T20:44:00.000+08:00

havent blogged in a long time again!!!

okay, schools back. full force! and manga class ain' full force yet....pity...

anyways, theres gonna be cosfest this saturday, and have to be busy taking pics!!!

clubhouse is always full of people man...all i have to do is pop by there! and they LAN game there too! man, i am so gonna bring my laptop there whenever i can...

ah well, workloads comming in the form of tests and such....no time to study cuz the mood ain there....i am still waiting for it to come, and meanwhile, i have to work on photoshop and GP5.....still in the learning phase.....XP

ah well...i'll sign off for now....nothing to fill in lately, maybe i will post some pix of cosfest!

another?

2007-06-21T17:59:00.000+08:00

okie here goes again!

joyous. thats what i would say. cant really speak much of my mind. one feels like skipping around and watching the skies as the clouds forms many mystical shapes.

ah the sun...it shines like a blaze....clouds are mounting high out there... but i am stuck in a musty room, doing papers all day long....

i wanna go barbecue! XD

eek, deviated to ellegarden...LOL

nvm, i try again tmr

bored?

2007-06-20T16:49:00.000+08:00

okie here goes...

i think i am going mad...i keep on seeing them again...i thought of the same incident last year but it looks like they are serious this time round......i am writing all these down now because i fear that i might leave and no one knows how i left...

i have been living in constant fear for a while already. and fear was not in my dictionary......until quite recently, when they start to hint to me that the time is coming.....

i am quite certain that that time is coming, so i have decided to do stuff that i like, quickly. for i dont know how much time i have left with me. even a month ago, when the lines started to appear on my palms, and having constant dreams that make no sense, of me dying...various ways......

just dont let it end when i havent done all that i wanna do...why cant take away all that is material to me. all those material things. they can just take it all they want. but it seems like this is it. i might have to go real soon..........i dont know when, i dont know how long i have left, but i had better spend my days happy. hopefully. a miracle happens, i can completely forget about all these, and keep my mind happy, then perhaps i can live on. but at what costs......

sometimes i just want it to end right now, but at times, i just fight to survive, begging with time to give me more time. i have so much to tell...so much to do, so much to make up to.....

imagine thinking of 5 to 6 things at any one instant. not being able to sleep at night. having ailments when you know you are definitely not going to get them. saying things that you dont mean, doing things when you cant control your actions. repeating what the voice in your head says......

please let it end.......

i am going to chronicle all these, in the hope that those who are going through this will find solace, knowing that they are not alone. i want them to know that they have to find those who really care for them now, and cherish them. i dont know how long i am going to remain sane, but as long as i can think with my own two feet, none of those things are gonna kill me...even if it means giving up the third eye......i so want to close the third eye, so i will never be able to see them...

i feel pain...

there is a place up there for me!

2007-06-18T22:10:00.000+08:00

eh long time never blog XD

okie where to start...ever since i left my band, i think i have been studying for some silly class tests and have been making some silly mistakes in them too...i just hope that when i get back my papers, i dont get anything....silly...hehehe... XD

anyways, that week passed without much incident, unless you count me cancelling the jam room, which took quite a while, because apparently they have this policy where they do not refund so easily XD...anyways,learnt how to play pool on that day...thanks boon, thanks fallout boy! arigatou gozaimas! XD

anyways the weekend ended without much incident too, then came the camp, and i brought my silly tiger racket along for no apparent reason XD........then had lots of silly stuff, but it was fun. especially twster. both nights i did not sleep much, esp the second night, where i practically did not sleep at all, and i think i played mahjong throughout...

then comes after the camp. this silly incident involving my neighbour....we had an agreement, and since i was heading over to me cousin's place to stay over until sunday and fix some stuff at his place, i rekon i could lend him my phone and i did...

in the end, people like ant were complaining to me about stuff like why i wanna head over to their house and beat them up, and why kelly chua would ring me up asking me to shut up about asking her out, and why would nelson say something about wanting to kick my ass...hmm...

and yes, saw, william,kirk, ashy, jh, des, lin....i was like omg...u called them all, and u used so many of my sms for no reason......so i snatched back my phone on sunday 1pm and scolded him till his undies dropped. man he really misplaced my trust XD....

so fumed with him.......aron u see this you better go rethink ur action man.

now i wonder what he wrote to ash, and some of the girls...their names are on my call list, and i fear he may have said hurtful things...wednesday evening i shld have realized it. i took my phone back awhile cuz i need to go to sunshine plaza meet club members and say hi to dearest kirk and smile to ashy. then i see names in my call list, which i noe i never call. but i never take notice. think next time, NO LENDING PERSONAL ITEM TO OTHERS!

me have enough...now i am gonna wait for my bro to mod some game and lemme try it XD...now i wanna make some phone calls and see if i can get through...

think i might have to sit down and start to mug very soon...

hum....

2007-06-03T18:24:00.000+08:00

gone are the days when music and jamming sessions will burden me hehe...after the gig, i am officially out! wee~~~

now i spend my days in bliss and knowing that i have my personal problems to solve, ties to mend, and people to speak to again...

hmm...another busy week coming up! with tests!

long time!

2007-05-27T15:31:00.000+08:00

been a while since i blogged again...lol.......

review what i did? yup, e-learning week...went through that week, without having to go back to school, and i forgot all about atudying...then on wednesday, still went back for manga classes, lols.....the day before went back for mechanics 1 makeup, but those blokes there were just gaming and net surfing...so much for a make up class...zzz....camp was cancelled because of some unforseen circumstances, now its in the first week of the holidays lols.......now i cant go to my class chalet...so long, 4E1'06...

then on friday, went ahead with practice being nervous, worried, and having a headache....damn.....then next day, i catch a fever...now i am trying to recover from this mess, and hopefully, i can hit the books tomorrow...i am still recovering now, but i think i would do better tomorrow lol....when i can pick up my notes and start reading them...making very sure i know them all...... the consequences for failing tests can be real bad...may have to skip manga classes just to go for remedials, which i dowant to go...

ah street fest is coming up soon...this saturday, and looks like i made up an excuse to be able to go to street fest. there will be my last stand, before i retire from the music scene, no jrock scene for a while, so that i can concentrate on stuff regarding my life...sigh............

all i can think of now is what i can do after this gig..........spend more time on my personal stuff? perhaps? being out of the music scene does has its downsides...but i guess whenever my hands are itchy, a jamming session can be arranged...hehehehe.....

ah, long break coming to an end real soon.....2 more weeks and it will be my holidays...the first one too....hope i can use that time to do some follow up heheh...

now what to do.....call her...or game away...hmm...... i cant be wasting away in front of my lappy all day i guess.......... sigh...

2007-05-21T19:46:00.000+08:00

ahh!!! i havent posted in a long time again...lol....

so the e-learning week comes into effect, and right now,all i can do is wait for the servers and websites to be less laggy so that i can do my work lol!

nothing much i can expect, and nothing much i can write on this blog lol, maybe except the fact that i have some gig to look foward to heh...

now to rest up, and gather intel before i begin anything lols.

2007-05-13T16:35:00.000+08:00

had quite a week lols......anyways, i also have not blogged in some time lols......also time to check te tagboard lols...

anyways, week 4 was tough going! had manga class that proves that i SUCK! haha, and also had hell of a time on practices on friday...what a sensation lols...

anyways, here comes week 5, and lols yea, i have yet to do my manga class homework, and also to learn the hiragana list by heart lols...so far only learn up to K (meaning i only learnt 10 characters oni lol) better go learn some more......

theres gonna be makeup classes (not that i am going to learn how to do makeup lols, but i need to attend them lols. theres one for IDEA tomorrow (date:14/5/07), and lucky me, i finished the homework lols...theres gonna be some kind of graded presentation lols....i wanna see what the others have done lols......

spamming the forum has become a hobby lols. and i think i just hit the 666 marker, saying "the BEAST"...i am surprised the baka seniors know about that number meaning the beast and not the devil directly. kewl, at least they did do some readup lols...

now to wait for pumkin to come online so i can chat with her lols.......so much to do next week!

busy busy busy! kweh!

2007-05-06T13:33:00.000+08:00

lols, i havent blogged in a while again..

gonna be some kind of a week, i mean the coming week. booking studio on tuesday, manga class on wednesday, nothing(sadly) on thursday, lessons for pumkin and practice on fridays!

now i jus need to figure out the last few niche areas in Squall...and figure out the new rudiments to teach pumkin...hmm...*think hard*

another new project up, Pirates of the Caribbean(sic) in Manga! think its gonna take a while though, i have not done human portraits in a long time lols.

and i best sign off for now, i wanna go learn hiragana (for starters) from scratch! zzz

vanished

reading the past

2007-05-01T13:48:00.000+08:00

hmm...was reviewing my blog,reading past entries, i think i had quite some sec 4 days...

o levels were hard i admit, but those days are long gone, and i wont wanna go back to those days.. now then i remember that i had a fling with some girls, but guess it was my childish nature, then when i wanted to stop it all, people make fun of me. guess i shld not have been so naive.

ah, news of getting my o lvl cert has come. i think i am just gonna collect it and not going back to that place anymore.i hate it, even when i am a alumni, they treat me like trash, and i went there make myself malu only.......zzzzzz

somehow, i feel that poly life is so much more fun, and there are so much things to expect, and there is so many more friends than in secondary school...hope to make a few permanent friends.. notlike my secondary school friends, what,class outing? class blog? i see no involvement sigh... think i am just gonna leave that as a bad chapter in life thats all...

i feel so...clear now, like what i have done in the past were but a freakshow, that even i myself laugh at, since i was such a fool back then...but now, i just wanna go on with life, hope to see more, instead of just sticking with that mudhole u call tanglin sec....never gonna go back there again, after my certificate is collected...

now, to go around and source for ideas, and possibly to continue on the script...otherwise, i might just have to study again, otherwise i am backdated! maybe tonight?

hope to chat with pumkin!

upgraded! and Labour Day today!

2007-05-01T13:10:00.000+08:00

yea man, i upgraded this blog! now has a new look......wonder when will be the next time i go change the skin, and have a revamp again...hmm...

man, tomorrow is the day i start manga lessons! omfg...dunno whats it gonna be like, and i still dont know where is the classroom,so i suggested in the forums that we just meet at the clubhouse and let a senior lead us there lol! ah nvms,i think i will ask pumkin to come alongand see how it goes,so i do not get lost so easily...

have not been using my desktop lol, i have been using my laptop like most of the time nowadays...also i think its time i posted some images on this blog...ah, i am just too lazy to take a screenshot and post it on photobucket...to much hassle... >.<

ah, the concepts are going fine, except that i am running low on ideas now, and i feel like continuing the script.i guess all i can do now is to see what pumkin has done so far, so that i can have a look at what is her impression of Ecnelis.....for me, i have drew my version of Karas, and have only drew the face and hair of Ash'l.....just having lack of ideas i guess, so i think i might have to pop by deiantart and see what i can pick up from there again...but then again, their standards are pretty high...zzz...

like always, i think i am gonna catch some sleep...whats more today is labour day zzz... read from some source, that China has 1 week holiday when it came to labour day...kewl...

sigh...time to sleep....zzz........wish i can always be there for you pumkin...zzz...(sleeptalking)

2007-04-30T18:45:00.000+08:00

the manga is going smoothly, although gonna be slow... just finished one character design and am planning more, maybe by tonight, and possibly by tomorrow....

anyways, some unwanted person went to tag on my tagboard. i deleted the post. i will be tracking down that person of course and warn that person in his/her blog that s/he should not waste time on my blog.

also, i think there is gonna be a facelift again! wee! change codes! this time, i am gonna learn and make one custom skin for my blog, not gonna rely on blogskins lol, all the time i rely on that webbie and i dont get anything that i like, i shld make my own, that way, i will get something i like wee~~~ now to find a webbie that has a tutorial

before that...VENDETTA VENDETTA!!! *hehs*

SPLA rawks to the core....expect to see changes to blog anytime today or tomorrow... dinosaurs are welcome to read my blog!

zomg!!!

2007-04-25T21:29:00.000+08:00

LOL!

today is the meeting, and i actually had the plans for bryan koh's story written out into a story... man thats like freaking fast!

but gotta subject to lots of adventures...like planned...fight fight fight!!! woohoo!

anyways, dunno if my dad gonna allow me to join biking...whatever...lol...

hehs...better start character designs! woohooh!

happy now?

2007-04-24T21:51:00.000+08:00

yea you bet.

finished reading some stuff...think i will leave my IDEA homework till this weekend. other than that, think i am gonna have some sleepy time in oral/communication class...zzz...

anyways, meeting for SPLA has been changed from a non-existant MLT2 to moberly cafe...hehs.... so much for the glitched heh....

ah...gotta go, need to jump awake early...lol...

nowadays i dont seem to have much to say hmm...lol... *bleh*

KWEH!

another week...INCOMING!

2007-04-21T21:08:00.000+08:00

yea man! bring it on

next week's events: AGM 2007 SPLA, bring lappy to school all day, and lol, staying back at clubhouse, and jamming possibly?

anyways, i think every week is gonna be interesting lol...

now to find boon's msn lol, cant contact him haix

school fun!

2007-04-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

life at sp sure is going from more fun to even more fun lol...

wonder whats up next. read forums and they say SPLA is having a camp...wee! sure i will join haha... still a freshie!

getting sucks at manga i realize...no more, "flow" like last time le, but even last time oso not so impressive lol...... hope to get way better...

juggle 2 CCA gonna be difficult, i feel like purposely screwing up the jazz band and then concentrate on SPLA haha. that way i will have more time to concentrate on reading up and study haix...

if i hav a chance, i gotta post some pics of campus woohoo!

read ppl's blogs...zzz, and feel so philosophical?

2007-04-16T22:15:00.000+08:00

read ex-classmate's blog and so surprise she turn me down lmao, later b4 i slept, i also thought she was not for me, last timemight be a fling (no offence yea) but i think it shld b over...... think of myself as unpredictable now, i cant make decisions correctly...first i think that way, then i think another way....to kelly chua hor, i think u r right, u r not my type, i need more style you know, either you are just so colorful, or else, my color is too good for you to withstand...lol,just joking la, eeryone is olorful, guess everyone has his personality yea!

kays, this night, i gonna pen down some thoughts regarding......eh...something that will get the vatican running at me,something that will get the dalai lama stepping down, something that will have all muslims trying to kill me, or all jews comdemning me,or other cults comdemning me to damnation...yep, its bout religion and philosophy...if i dun pen it down, think ima gonna ferget it lol

okay here goes.... read davinci code and it might help u a little...... so assuming that there is such a thing as judgement day, that this is the dharma ending period (for buddhists, think we have some 9000years left yea, buddha at least gave us a rough estimate) not sure with other religion and cult but, well...look at us... science is going nowhere but up, and it will improve expontially, and i mean it. give another decade and we will live in a diffeent society, with our laws changed to suit that very purpose.

so why last Kalpa? or judgement day? guess judgement day just simply means, the end of god, not the end of days. the end of all religion, ad the dawn of science, which will govern mankind for all eternity, until....dunno?

think of it as the ending of all religion, with a more exact date...but i still think 9000 years is way too long for a rough estimate... heh science will eventually take over, reigion made obsolete, and philosophy, just a myth of yesteryear...

imagine people having the choice whether to prolong their lives, travel to unknown reaches in the great unknown up there, transforming our planet into a more environmentally friendly and liveable place, perhaps joining in a union of various other worlds that exsts out there...like star wars lol, mght be possible, sci-fi or not, its just logic heh

other than that, guess its all speculation, please no hard feelings, whoever reads this lol...just hope not too many people will wanna poke their nose into this!

few hours left!

2007-04-16T22:04:00.000+08:00

few ours and thats it! i will attend my first lecture...wonder how it will turn out. hope nothing wrong will happen, i just want everything to turn out okay tomorrow...

signed up for CCAs! joining SPLA and Jazz band...and the logic behind joining the jazz band is because...hand itchy! wanna plae drums! lol...even joining SPLA's manga course is because...my hands are so damn itchy, feel like doing something lol!

think cca wont start that early so i will just lie low for now huh?

i am considering transferring files into my notebook soon, cuz i need to spruce it up real soon, and have my iTunes up and running and have my pictures in this notebook so i can change the wallpaper of this laptop......

ah well, now to read forums...zzz

*signing out*

geared up

2007-04-15T15:57:00.000+08:00

havent blogged in a while again! why am i always neglecting my blog...hmm...

anyways, going to start poly real soon, two days from now as a matter of fact. so i have seen the place and have gotten to know some people, and have studied the site mapof that place, now all i have to do is to experience it for myself.

status:

class has no girls, all the lecturers are old men/women, class is approx. 20 stong, and might be boring if no socializing occurs...lol

okays, now for band maters. rachel's not around, and now we are really short of one bassist. and dicky says go ahead with jamming, altough i am not sure if its gonna turn out okay. i will need the practice though...... it would be next week friday hopefully. i just have to wait for that phonecall or sms, and learn "Karasu Tengu". i hope the old lineup stays.

now to research more on technique for drums...just learnt some use for my left leg, which would otherwise be not utilized. it can be used for cymbals... more reading up is needed...

cca matters, i just need to take a look at the SPLA place, and see if it is such a good place as it claims it is. hope to start manga classes asap.

manga matters: have to start brushing up, because i simply lack the practice, and am becoming rusty in what i used to find so fun...

so busy...guess thats it huh?

life's like that lol

woots

2007-04-04T23:16:00.000+08:00

oh no...havent blogged in a long time, i was soo soo packed with activity...

game all day, then suddenly, i was swamped with lots of invitations to the poly, first to make my pass, then to get laptop, and sign up for cca...even till now, things ae pretty hazy, and i am waiting for the poly to start before i take any action myself...

now using my lappy to type this blog, and see if my darling is good enough to cope with such pressure....... most probably i wont be using this lappy much for online games, only have like some old games that require low specs to play, therefore low lag (unless tweaked)

so gonna start school prety soon huh...i am pretty nervous myself... i am gonna read up on my math a bit, before i return to my drumming, which i have been reading, and lacking practice, until recently, when i decided that i could do with some night practices, since it would not be adviseable for me to practice in the day...parental support is lacking here, and i have to carry out my passion in secret...... only place i can or am willing to share is here, in my blog......

recently established contact with des...seems that rachel is leaving soon, and will not return till like 11-12 may, till then, practice, and keeping my head low... other than that, i only know that lin and dicky are "cool" with their lives...so i assume they are alright...although i would have liked more info......

okays,most of my old hobbies are coming back, like manga art, i hav to come back to it, it is the only thing i can relate to, although my skills have been pretty rusty... hums...

seeing drumming tapes makes me jealous, and makes me thirst for jamming sesion, or at least a drum set to be put before me so i can hammer away and hone the art...

feel so empty at home......now just waiting for anime at 12am...

anyways, now for technical details......this blog is gonna get another facelift... so that i can use the blog radio, and play some song that is nice...... i am gonna search for a new skin, cuz i cant off this lappy, otherwise my download will go to waste... the trusty lappy can last 2 more hours, so hopefully the download finishes fast, the load speed sucks......

meanwhile, reading forums one last time, then go search for a skin that i like very much and stick to it for a long time......

man i feel soo guilty for leaving my blog alone... i have to write more often! i must! cuz this thing chronicles my life and everything i have done in the past......

looked up some old friends, talk to them and learn new stuff, find out more....

okays enough riff-raff and chit-chat...gotta search that skin pronto! haha >.< new blog skin here i come! wee~~~

p.s. upgrades may take a day...think i can do it by tonight?

volunteerism???

2007-03-22T14:37:00.000+08:00

wtf, volunteer all day and no good comes >.<

i wasted some days without gaming. thankfully my bro is going away on some sort of camp, and i will be able to have some gaming fun for a while until he returns. then hes gotta work and i cant play again T-T

just that day, des contacted me, asked me to learn one new song......its hard, that song, but with so much time, it shld be easy.

now all i wanna do is to wait for april 16, or some time earlier, then next is to buy that laptop and be able to play games on it o.O

okays, now to log into sgpt and check on akat clan before it gets outta hand >.<

the name is Jeno

2007-03-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

okay. had one heck of a weekend......pt all saturday, altho i play D2 in morning...then spent whole day bored... >.<

okays, today went to volunteer again, and have to go volunteer next week also...man people are like asking me to do stuff, free labour?

anyways i gotta worry about poly...since i know where i am going already, all i have to do now is to shop and wait

done with it?

2007-03-17T13:48:00.000+08:00

yea man, submitted the applications and left with nothing much to do until april 16...initially thought is april 18 until i saw the form...so muddleheaded...

wanted to see how my room really looked like in pictures, so i took pictires of the room i spend most time in. dont freak, i have 3 comps yea... the one with blue light speakers is my main.

no life king?

2007-03-13T22:44:00.000+08:00

wahaha, thats the name of alucard, no life king!

really lived like a no life king, and i havent blogged in a long long time >.<

which reminds me, i have lots to do with my handphone and mp3...the songs are are dusty, and 3 weeks old... so old >.<

even forgot that i changed the blog's skin...sigh...problem gaming is taking a toll on my life... and i am skipping CSI just to blog >.<

MapleStory has some kind of freaking problem with the client, and i cant seem to download (funny, why do i even play that game? on impulse? heat of the moment? dunno... o.O) so i think i can just take a break from that game >.<

received some poly enrolment package, which means i have to study soon >.<>.<

so until then, i am just a no life king! cuz i have no life

>.<

2007-03-07T11:42:00.000+08:00

man, its been a long time since i posted...

guess i have made some decisions ffor myself. i have decided not to step into the jrock scene for a while now. judhing by the market out there, its just way too small >.<>.<>.<

now, i have to try to revamp this site...its really giving me problems and i dont like it at all >.<>.< guess i screwed it up the last time o.O

this time, i try using something from deathnote... never watched it, but guess i might have to someday... wonder if it will turn out nice?

okays...here goes!

tired

2007-02-28T13:09:00.000+08:00

life got meaningless after i temporarily left lin and the others... though i can worry less...and maybe by the time i get back to them, i might have just lost my place in the band, but i am prepared for it, because frankly, seeing that looks on their faces, i know they have sort of lost interest, and it might not be good for me to return, unless they are fully okay with it......

seriously, if there were something that i must tell them, it would be that to jam with guilt or to jam while thinking of outside stuff will suck, makes me unable to concentrate, and i hate it when that happens

thats all i have to say for the band. anyways, i guess i am not going anywhere afterall, because the thailand trip does not require my presence, and i feel that staying at home would be best. and i guess the reason i leave the band temporarily (maybe?) is mainly because of my parents. that is going to stick with me all my life man, the humiliation of having to listen to what your mommie and daddie says, even at such an age, feel so ashamed man.

locked up at home with just my mom, it sucks because i have nowhere to go......

or is it? is this the reality?

hum...... tell you the real story blog....

i left the band because my parents asked me to, and also because it would be difficult to jam under their noses. the trip to thailand was just an excuse so that i did not have to jam, because it would be very difficult for me. it was so selfish. if this goes out ima gonna get the sack, knowing they will not listen to anymore nonsense. see thatface on des and i know he cant tolerate no more. guess thats the end of me...... cant redeem myself no more, and guess reality is more serious than fantasy...

sucky parents, thats what i would blame... excuses are hard to make you know?!? lies are hard to come up man, and making flawless plans require thinking. and i am just running low on ideas and time to do such things...... i no longer have any guilt, all thanks to previous experience. i feel no remorse, no pity, no guilt. only stressed, that such plans are difficult to create, fabricate...

sometimes, i feel that the life i have right now, it is all built on lie after lie, and in the end, it is all nothing but big fat lies! i am just some fucking liar, covering my ass, living in bloody denial, and giving in all the bloody time, while thinking of how to cover my bloody fat ass.

i am so useless...why?

sometimes i wish i can just jump into one of my many manga fantasies and just forget everything, and not be able to return to real life or reality. i just wanna run away, erase my identity, have a new name, live away from my past, deny completely that it is even there, and start anew. completely reset everything...

how i wish...

serious decisions

2007-02-25T13:25:00.000+08:00

ima gonna have to leave my current band. i dont think the current state of things is going to solve anything. had arguements with parents, and i know arguements will persist if this goes on, and i am getting increasingly sick and tired of all the fucking bullshit. gone were he days when i could just invent any kind of bullshit like *snap* this. gone were the days where i could tolerate everything that stood my way. now, its the selfish era. i got to think for myself. i got to find out what is it that i really want. what my life is. why i am here, what was i made for. selfish questions, but i think its about time i considered anyway, being selfless sucks too.

now i was given yet another mandate to stop sourcing for bands in the internet. heck fuck do i care about it man, i will find a band, go underground, but will bid my time. cuz i have to fight my computer gaming addiction, right until i step into the polytechnics.

to Morir es Vivir members, sorry that i let you down. des wanted me out, and i left formally, at 11:30am this day. i leave because i must, and staying will pull you guys down anyway. dont want to burden you guys with my cartload of bullshit, i want to settle my ruined life a bit. next move is to have proper lessons and training, and a proper band to be with. it will be another band finding experience for me, but its the only way. hope you guys find a better drummer, and best of luck for superband 9if you guys are going at all). also want to thank you guys for having given me opportunities, and i appreciate it, and also i learnt much from you guys. a big thank you! Arigatou Gozaimasta!

back to a life where i remember vividly. no enjoyment, all conformism and bore. now i dont know whether to return to working life, but to finance my future gaming and jamming exploits, i have to consider this painful and ardeous walkway.

life's like that...i guess.......

ah, now for the technical aspect of things. this blog is going to get another makeover real soon. i just dont know what theme to base it on. but as soon as i find something that i like, i guess i will be able to make this blog look great like in the past! at least these are the only happy things i can keep myself occupied with...*sigh*

new anime coming up on arts central! rumbling hearts! wonder what it will be like. no more get backers though...so i just wanna wish them a very happy goodbye. they were awesome in entertaining me for many nights, where i would be sick with worry about band problems, and what new excuses to make just to jam.

no moire guilt, but no more fun, no more life... wonder if the price was too steep...

ohaiou!

2007-02-24T11:18:00.000+08:00

another weekend...hmm...

went to ja yesterday, saw the looks on their faces and it told me all...whats more, i dont think i might have anymore time with them, or myself...i seriously dont even have time for myself... i am running dry of excuses, and getting extremely touchy of late. this will lower the performance of the band, coordination will not be there if this goes on...

so i told lin at night that i suggested we freeze the band, cuz rachel will not make it in april, and me, in march, and we would freeze the band until may......i dont know... all i said was just... suggestions... i dont know how the band will take it... they can reject my proposal i wont mind...but, well, if they come up with something i find difficult to deal with, i guess all i have to do is to think hard of some mopre excuses, and play along...

whoa, stopped typing just to "argue" with my mom...... looks like she knows my activities...she agrees tom let me jam now!!! wahahaha!!!

now i have to pay up my tab, and be regular in payments... looks like i can come out with compromise.

blast!

2007-02-22T11:28:00.000+08:00

the cny was okay, met relatives, stuff, eat, watch movie, sleep, play comp, and even FORGOT TO BLOG!!!

only thing is, few asked about my o levels, and that is a relief itself!

visiting does not end though, heading to ant's place this friday, and to swing sticks!

nothing much do do now...

new year's eve!

2007-02-17T09:54:00.000+08:00

man, today is new year's eve, haha, have to head over to one of my uncle's place to eat some reunion dinner thing, which has been the tradition for quite awhile

anyways, i have decided on one thing, which is not to reveal anything about my o levels to any relatives if possible, as i do not want some conversation about it. nor will i tell which polytechnic i will be going to...really hate such people...it really pays to be humble!

anyways, got a blister from practicing and a scath...

i dont there will be anything interesting to write now in the morning...all i want to do is to go net surfing for a while before i hit some games... and really relax myself this nice weekend...i hope it does not rain though...and of course, the sun is great when i woke up...hope it will stay the same or the next few days no?

never really knew what i should be doing sometimes...of course, a few downloads are running as we speak...the new arrivals better be nice to hear....i am dumping them into my mp3 pront though...cant be listening to GLAY all day long! haha

ah...nothing much, just that i feel rather relaxed actually...i dont know what i can stand to lose this saturday morning...just want to thank the stars for watching me all this while... haha, pays to be thankful though..

i m now listening o some of my older songs such as YUI...i remember, YUI was one of the first few singers that bekoned me into the genre of jpop, and later on, i leaped into jrock... looks like every jrocker hass a history for himself no?

now, to check if the downloads are ready, and get a few more! an also to change my rickety chair! adeiu!

peace to all!

haha

2007-02-15T11:37:00.000+08:00

okay, new year is coming, and well, lots of money to collect, and lots of relatives to appease, and shut them up?

anyways, practice isnt paying off, i am getting sleepless nights, and blisters wont go away, maybe they are healing now tho... quite pain, need glove...

so happy that the house is finally clean, so i dont need to be sent running around doing some cleaning...tho it was rather relaxed actually...

now, i managed to figure out how to put song on my blog...haha, this is one of my longtime favourites, but its not looping...so i have to try fix that part...

going back to monatoesprit insteand of mapling all day soon, beginning to find maple boring because all i can do is grind, and i hate grinding/pharming for long hours...

anyways, band members, here is the update, for one song dicky sent me...wonder why the sudden decision, but i learnt it anyway, quite an okay song...think des and rachel will need this upload most? you never know!

http://download.yousendit.com/F282CF2D1E2816B5

one last summer day...

2007-02-08T18:16:00.000+08:00

tomorrow, i get back the o level results, and it kinda sucks because i have long forgotten if i was confident during the o levels or not, so i no longer am able to expect what kind of grades i am gonna get! how stupid can that be?!?

ah well, set my mind to do a course which i had earlier thought was impossible because it is not my bloody interest, but now, since the misunderstanding and naievity has been cleared, i think i can step into poly in peace!

nothing to expect, even for my o lvl, because i know its going to be mediocre marks again, but what marks i get, it had better be good!

ah, will get to wear my school uni one last time and then, well, i never get to wear it again! but i guess ima gonna keep it as some keepsake stuff, including my badge. cuz no matter how bad it sounds, it was still my school, at least tribute it a little...

now i have got some problems here. the blogskins website does not seem to be working properly, hey, it works now, but it worked pretty bad yesterday, perhaps it was computer problem. ah i dont carre. ima gonna spruce up this blog once more, and changes should be underway, to make way for the new year!

break free!!!

2007-02-06T13:54:00.000+08:00

man...damn it, cant leave the house now...shit the curfew...i hate it...

only thing i can do is blog now...and maybe game away to drown my loneliness...conference tonite, hope to get some solace in it tonight...

was thinking of my life last night...

last night, i had an awakening...i realized that all this while, i am under the control by some great powers from up thair...i cant see them but i could feel them taunting to my face: "tis thou art your life......bound to suffer til hallows' end"

fear, its not an option...but sometimes, i sit back and marvel at how i am still here, and not broken down into some useless person...sometimes i just wish i could strike back but the opportunities are few and far between...

so one day, i thought to myself...so what if i found myself some sort of power? granteth unto thee? so i looked up there and i saw it immediately...i did not have to believe in some satanist shit that will ruin life, nut i turned to the stars, constellations for my source to tap on.

so i did, i went to study star charts, borrowed the tarot cards once again, and went into arithmacy again to calculate and see where i stood in the cosmos and i found it...

lupus the wolf, corpus the heavenly bird, crux the southern cross

lupus grants into those of sharp minds, like that of the wolf's body, able to adapt into any situation, and able to act swiftly, move swiftly too

corpus, for those who perfer to witness rather than to act, was what i stood for. it was just a sign of character, not of power

then the cross, it marks something, though i dont quite know what it marks! wahahah

ah, few people would want to play with tarot and read star charts anymore, its so obscure, but at least its fun for those who know that something is watching you from above no?

ah...now to be sardonic and show off my comp!!! this is how my desk top and msn look like whahaha! cranked them up days ago..at least it makes me feel happy in such unhappy times...here they are!

wah!!!

2007-02-04T22:19:00.000+08:00

okay, due to popular demand, i will post something interesting...

first up, gundam stargazers!!! its the new gundam series that is now being aired i tokyo tv, and i dont know where they are now, meaning which episode they are airing now, but i know for certain that their first opening was sung by HIGH and MIGHTY COLOR, and i have the song here... will be updating and putting the url for download...wanna listen its for free...

from what i know, it is a separate story, different from seed and seed destiny, new characters, same gundam (different models) and lots of girls (thats a rumor, saw nothing but posters and reviews)

then singapore won the asean cup against thailand! you should have seen the trophy, only two countries that have won the cup are singapore and thailand, their names are the only one etched on that trophy, for 6 years...

man, seriously the thais were strong, i must admit, singapore had a tough fight...

ah nothing much anymore, but i believe its gonna be a busy week next week.

power haus!

2007-02-01T11:25:00.000+08:00

wahahaha!!! spent all morning just to cram my previous comp into my study...now, the study is an entertament hub!!!

man, woke up all groggy this morning just to push a table out of the study! man...was having bad dreams last nite...

and when i went into the pantry to find no coffee, i was like wtflmfaowhyistherenocoffee?!? so i had to use 3in1 coffee......hate 3in1...was looking for that jar of nescafe...my dad took it away i guess...

so no more late night cuppa...or else that grouch will steal my coffee jar!!!

no coffee...then have to choke on bread, with straits times as my friend...headlines say that singapore beat thailand...there will be a new water cleaning plant to use river water...yea...saw yacob ibrahim talking on the news yesterday...dunno what it was about anyways......singapore win thailand?!?!? man...all becos of that ravichandran ref...so bloody kayu...the alam shah and the thailannd player both jump back together what, y award foul like no mother one? u think i never watch asean cup final ar? make the thai coach so bloody angry, see piss them off...as if thailannd do not have enough problems with singapork already lor... we allow thaksin come in they not happy...now at the second leg on sunday at bangkok, they say what, got demonstrators outside singapore embassy? wtfrotflmfaostfu man, all because of lousy diplomacy lor...

let thailand win lah, let them happy abit lor...... young lions got future chance what..."YOUNG" lions leh, YOUNG leh...

ah who cares about that match...i hate disgruntled players and coaches...

man, yesterday...slept with mp3 on...listen to gekka...then learn halfway...then sleep...rothlmfao... nevermind...tonight got chance one hehehe......more practice..... and tonite i wanna do some more manga...

not just watch anime tho...must draw once again...makes me feel aggravated knowing that my skill is rusty and needs polishing...

man, watched some beatboxing show, and now i am like beatboxing all the time at home...my mom thinks i went crack in the head lmfao...

tonight...more tv...more practice...day time...more cleaning... need to clean the bloody house, to make it less bloody for the new year... although if it were bloody, it would would superdupermegaultramotherfuckingly auspicious, cuz its red, no, should be crimson huh...

ah, kid bro smuggled handphone to school again! then smses me to tell me he has to go to a friend's house to some projekt....... and askes me to train his account lmao....... ok guess have to help him a little, cuz i make him pay some money lmfao...

wah...the shuffle option in my itunes is cursed or summat...its playing all my favourite songs back to back!!! woohoo!!!!!

ilovemycomeomgilovemycompsomotherfuckinglyloveyousweetie...

ah...if you dont want to be hit by sticks, dont want to be my high hat or snare drums, then get outta my room....practice starts now!!!!! life hazard to all except me (player)!!!

i am goin crazy...

yes man!

2007-01-31T23:07:00.000+08:00

back to square one man! nice shot!

put in the vista transformation pack today...its version 6...previous version was 4, so of course it is a far cry from the previous one...only thing is...i havent really tried glass2k...

anyways... there is much improvement from the previous patch, like a few other features to make it look nice...

so much for everything!!! putting some pics! from gundam seed

more pictures!

2007-01-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

figured it be better to have a few more pics! here they are!

once again!

2007-01-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

man...

stupid outlook express being plagued by some stupid spam...incident report sent le...

anyways...i think its time to spruce up the blog with more pictures once again...i have not been drawing for a long time, and i think its about time i put more pictures of scans in...more practice, more perfection!!

practice hurts...i had blisters on my hand from too much practice...hope it will wear off soon man......maybe its because of the holding technique...i did not have theory in drumming, so i guess, thats the part i missed out on...heh *sheepish* but i will continue to play to the best of my ability!

ahh...found the wallpaper thats the basis of this blog's skin...i will post it!

speaking of which... maybe i will do a little bit of critique on get backers...

ゲト　バカズ, geto bakazu, team of two: midou ban and amano ginji. each famous for their various abilities...namely the evil eye, snake bite and snake kill for ban, and the ability to command electricity in any imaginable form, ginji. they seek to get things and return uit back to their owners, at a price. they are however, not so good with money, building up tabs with Paul at the Honkey Tonk, occasionally getting jobs from Hevn, the mediator.

they set out in dangerous quests to even the infnite castle to retrieve IL, components of an atomic weapon, and sometimes, set out in ridiculous quests which are oftentimes laden with their comic relief.

themes of friendship are portrayed, loyalty, sense of honor, and of course, the chiibi...

ratings would be 4.5/5 for something that good in my opinion. way better than Inuyasha and Shaman King in my opinion

yow yow!

2007-01-30T11:57:00.000+08:00

hey band members! i hav a song, mayb we shld try? iris, if u r reading this, the lyrics i have not dound it...

heres the link(s):

http://download.yousendit.com/A8BE58543833D094
http://www.yousendit.com/download/1SdyWjk%2BBId5TA%3D%3D

ahhh...its fast...its called Doukoku no Ame by GRAN RODEO

hehs, anyways, theres much to expect...results comin out soon! second week of february! hope the results are good, and dunno whether i wanna go jc or not...actually i feel like not studying so soon, still wanna play like krazy...

ah nvm

wakaranai

2007-01-29T21:59:00.000+08:00

man...

things have been extremely boring lately...if not for some jamming fun!

band members who see this, just to tell you that you all rawk too man!

its too bad that i cant go along with you guys that often because of certain circumstances at home, but once i am ready, i swear, rawk on man!

just cant wait to land myself in a random institution.

ah, this skin gets boring...guess ima gonna change the skin of this blog real soon!

just a little bit more!

feelin tired?

2007-01-24T22:57:00.000+08:00

left my previous job because i did not pass the stupid probation, ah who wants to stay at kumon anyways? they pay miserly, and they just cant seem to accept people like me, damnit, i dont like it at all.

anyways, i found a new painting job, which turned out fun at first, just so because i can draw murals on the walls, but when it came to painting, i wasnt that good, and another employee had to do the painting part, but seriously, i have done enough of the pencil and marker work on the plaster cardboard walls already. my employer is this nice motherly lady, her name's mararet. she talks about her employees to her mother often, and lunch is provided, haha cool or what...

ah did not get to see people until today, which is also the day i left, because the job is a health hazard, i just cant take dust and lacquere and turpentine, and paint...so i left, with a note saying that i left because of health issues, but pay day's on friday so i suppose i have to go back for a while, and see if the pictures i drew are painted already. humm...i gotta remember to take some photos! haha, because i have never done anything on such a large scale...

i cant wait for this saturday to come, because i am heading to anthony's again! havent seen him in a while, but i will be visitng him in the morning, and i will be heading to his house to take a look at his JC notes...hope it will be of help though...

i have given my future education some thought...i say i did give much thought to others, who probe me on what i would like to do in my tertiary education, but in actual fact, things arent as glorious as they seem to be...gah...

actually, i do not know where i am heading, have no aim, once again, and i feel almost helpless...cant really tell others about it but i just can only share it in this blog. sometimes, when someone asks me where i would like to go, i would always tell them that i had no answer, or i had to see my o level restuls and see where they would bring me to. i have always harboured the thought that wherever i go, i will have something to do, be it JC or Polytechnic, but i just cant decide where i want to go...

to JC, and will be the beginning of alot of troubles, and i have to study like, real hard? but the rewards are great, holidays, an A Level, and more open route th the varsity, but no fun? only for academic pursuits. even so, i am beginning to doubt whether i can really go to a JC. it may be demanding there, but the rewards, and the qualifications are really excellent, you cannot resist!

to the Poly, and i will; be able to pursue a course in either design or business, depending om my choice. that path leads me to more music, which i want to pursue badly. that way, i will be able t play band and jam all the time, whenever i like, and generally have fun at the polytechnic. but the qualificatioon does not look that nice, seriously a diploma isnt much, especially a diploma without a degree...

i wanna succeed in life, but sometimes, i feel that the best optiion is just to have fun wherever i go, maybe thats whats really important. i guess...

so, i take my chances, go where the wind goes, and even so, make sure i dont regret, but still have fun? if only life were like that. or perhaps i am just filled up with the mentality that being realistic is the thing...man thats so un-cool...

best option i have now, enjoy, haha, enjoy tyhe process of getting or doing something...

just hope the skies watch over me, as always...

dont look like much of a wallpaper, but i like it...reminds me of the fields, pastures, where i can just run, endless......i wanna be with somebody, but i just cant find someone to be with...as always, lone wolf? heh... i dont know......

syaoran is just so lucky though...look haha, and sakura always has him to watch over her...so lovely...if life could be that simple sometimes...

sometimes i wish i could just go and live in a world of my ovn once again, like i used to, but would that bring any good? i realized the importance of being with people, so i stepped out, you can call that self terapy, self help...man, every skill that i now possess, has been self taught.

my art skills are self taught, my drum skills are self taught, calligraphy is self taught, appreciation of art and literature is self discovered, getting out of a near autistic like state? self achieved. friends? self found. achievements? self earned...no teacher, just the self...

if everything is gonna turn out that way, i might as well go hone what i have in solitude first, before emerging stronger...seeing too much is damaging too sometimes...

ah now, i gotta rest my self...havent typed so fast in a long time...and i got a show to catch too! man, life is just so full of surprises huh...so...

people say my attitude is happy go lucky, but i say, i am just following the flow, following the winds, wherevert hey take me, because i know that the direction they piont to is my destiny, because, i believe the skies and stars will be watching me from above, and they have given me such gifts, so that i wont feel left out...so i must be grateful to the stars, granting me such abilities, i never thought i would have... and i will tell you why...

everytime i write something with the da vinci influenced writing of mne, i feel that it has been done by someone else...i look at my drawings and sketches and feel that it was not done by me...everytime i do something remarkable again, i feel ssome hands are guiding me, so i know, that the stars are watching me...the child of the abel?

i just cant explain, but i will not exploit...i may have to discover what else they have to offer me, and tribute them accordingly, and lead the life they suggest.

the rest is up to me..

today's the day

2007-01-17T12:54:00.000+08:00

ah...today is the day...and i still gotta work...

watching too much get backers is getting me into trouble...my comp isnt just up to the standard...hum... wonder if it can handle more...

anyways......i wonder what i can expect today...must be some unrulry kids again i rekon...hum...no escape...

and its been getting a little boring these days...nothing much to expect...long weekend to expect, and stuff like that...

just hope next thursday comes fast...

busy busy!

2007-01-11T12:56:00.000+08:00

ah well, things went out okay yesterday...when i first started work at kumon!

kids these days are real spoilt brats...i dont quite have the stamnia to handle them sometimes!!! but i guess its all in a days work...and i am still learning though...

kinda nice to work with some of my colleagues, its as if they knew what i was facing! haha

anyways...there wont be much to do.....and my birthday is coming soon again...17 january...i turn 17 officially! haha, cant wait for that day, though no presents for me...guess i will live with it, like i used to...as always...

ah anyways...why bother about such boring matters, when you know you arent gonna get anything out of it anyway... come to think of it, i havent really celebrated my day in a long...long time...dont even remember when i last ate a cake, maybe on my friends' days' but not really mine...in fact, i dont think i have ever had a cake on my birthday ever! i dont remember...its been so long...

hum...back to the drawing room again...hum.......manga artists sure suffer a lot huh...?

by the way, i manage to fix the bug about not being to post pictures...guess it should be working now!

looks like the problem was...the file was in the wrong format! silly me! oh yea, that reminds me...i need to refill supplies real soon!

life as it is...NEW!

2007-01-09T13:50:00.000+08:00

haha, things are turning for the best now...

hum...where should i start...kelton's band did not go so well, because when i tried to ghet them back together, they sounded a little reluctant, so, i decided to just walk out of the picture... haha...

which i did, and for a short period of time, i had no band as usual, undil dicky and linette came along...and guess what...it is a hit!

cant believe it when they told me that they had some bad encounter with that bitchy christine, and the fiasco with OoZora, man, so i realized i was not alone...but that incident told me that i had to work harder!

anyways, i also found a job! and i got my place confirmed today! cool or what! now i will have some spare cash to jam and buy stuff...also some free time to go out and jam at my own leisure...hum?

i also went back to my old hobbies again...i wonder why, but i just went back anyway... i will paste the new piece on...like always...maybe i will go do more...isnt up to standard, like in the past, cuz i am still learning and also, because it was a long time since i last drew... still need to scan wahahaha

ahh, havent heard anything from dear 4E1...nothing at all...maybe they are real busy?

shit encountered some problems...looks like i cant post pictures for the time being...haha

whoawhoa!

2007-01-03T13:45:00.000+08:00

haha

havent been posting for a while now, but i have lots to say...

well, where should i start...class outing and my stay at raffles hotel for christmas? hum... well, i just informed my folks that i was going to this class outing, and will meet them at the hotel later...ah it was real fun... especially sin ce i got my sticks that day, and also a toy to put my handphone in, yes, i finally got myu handphone tho...

the hotel was gerat, did not cost me anything, because was on invitation basis, my uncle invited me to stay with my kid cousins... play halo and fifa 07 till late, party like hell, shop and tour all day, what else can i cay? that was my christmas for me.... though uneventful, but quite fun!

then i remember going to some camp at tzuchi... (must have mentioned that before...get a strange feeling...)

then, i was kicked out of a band i wanted to join so badly....cuz the coordinator is a grouch...ah i would have left on my own accord even if that bitch did not kick me out...

now i am back to square one...no job, no band, absolutely nothing at all...except one...

i got my new comp finally! it was kinda good, until i realized that the graphic card is not up to scratch, but better than the previous...but now, i scream at online net gaming: bringest them oneth!

ah, new years eve and new year day passed uneventfully...went to various places, such as sentosa (again)... ah as always, it would be fun if i went out on my own...

people are flocking back to school already! and i am still sitting at home, waiting and waiting...nothing much i can do though...

ah...back to gaming...i just hope i find a job redal soon...makes my life eventful...sigh...

neglect!

2006-12-11T16:06:00.001+08:00

oh shit, i neglected my blog, completely forgot to blog!!

ah but lots osf stuff happened...

first of all, i started to receive news of a class outing...initially set on christmas eve, then now changed to 23rd dec... either way, it will be kinda fun, that is if it will take place! which i doubt it will, because of some bloody un-enthu people in my class, all breaking up, and completely not loyal and shit...

ah anyways...did plenty of shoping, bought lotsa stuff, and well, buy anymore, and my dad will curse and swear...

anyways, the tzuchi camp came...thought it was boring at first, then realized that there was so much there...better than the previous camps i had there. and well, i must say, the people there are different now, with all the poly jc and uni ppl there, well, the environment is just different...

thought he nights are short, have like 6 hrs or 5 hrs sleep every night, but it was real fun there...met plenty of ppl there...and well, still havent get their numbers, now asking the group leader for it tho...

and well, plenty of time spent there was to learn morals...so i thought it was...then i went there to realize that i learnt stuff money cant buy...so, well, all i learnt are the basic stuff they always tell me, but in a different sort of way...so yea, it really has an impact on me...

then again, i found this new webbie, so that i can get into bands...ah well, met a few invites, until i finally decided on one, which i am comfortable with...now have a band to sit with...playing drums as usual, and have to practice even more...tho i am oka only for now...

ah, download sites offline, not much games to play, got a new comp coming up, spoilt my earphone and got a new one, excatly the same as the one i had before...ah, thats my life for now...

to those at the camp, group 5, you all rawk, and i mean it!

best night

2006-11-24T17:21:00.000+08:00

man, the grad nite was a huge success...but also not so much of a success too...

for one, i had fun there...music was corny though...and i was rather relaxed...the 4e1 people kept on changing the seats...and i got so fed up with that kah eng i went over to the sec 5s...i hate nig so much...wish he did not tag along...i mean...he has been doing something like that for bvery long already...and i find it rather irritating... all year round...last year too...havent he given us enough trouble already?

that aside...i think everyone was cool...nice dress...nice clothes...(though the food sux) and the emcees? they sucked... dont really know how they went to organize that crap...

man, forgot to take my camera along...and had to test out the handphone one... of all days too! and it was like out of memory space after just a few photos...bummer...

alright...other than that...people were giving well wishes all over...and well...for some of us...it might be the last tie talking together and well...i guess...it must have been great knowing the people in this school... i mean...i cant have done nothing in all my 4 years???

ah... now there is nothing to do again... back to using the computer...with only one promise...it is going to be replaced soon...

this new computer better be so good...it loads interet browsers in a blink of an eye...and runs programs with nearly no loading time and stuff and shit...ah like i said...its all the hardware...

there isnt much to do now again...now i have to wait for monday...then i will head all the way down to bangkit to? anthony's house!!! man...he finally invited me to his house....and i guess i better do the same before he goes on his long vacation...speaking of vacations...i think i wont be going to one...so it will mean i have to find some work, or just sit around and use mp pc...and make sure that i completely forget what i have learnt in school before i head to a new institution...

an wat am i doing? i was typing as fast as i am thinking...writing does not even give such results... ye...writing...exams...the memory is still fresjh...it seems like yesterday...

a week has passed since that harrowing experience...i really wish i can recover from any shock before i go back... all kinds of sadness...leave them behind...all the good things...look back at them...smile...and move on with life...thats all i can do now...smile at everything that comes my way...perhaps i am goingto try to change the way i treat people too...maybe for a change...time to change everything again...anyway...the jen of the past will never be te same as the jen of the present...thats a mandate...and a sworn testimony to myself...

maye i will try to be a little more...silent? huh... smile no matter what i see...and thats all... and do nothing....even if it is bad...just smile.....hide my true feelings...

ah whats all that blabber...anyways...i guess i can try and look for someone to chat to...kinda bored...

why?

one more day

2006-11-22T14:11:00.000+08:00

man...tomorrow is the grad nite...i wonder how it will turn out...i hope i can go there, have a little fun then go off...cuz i wont wear too formal...i hate formalities...

alrighty...there aint much to do today...again...but to blog first of course!

first of all, i wonder what is happening to everyone...i sure hope they are doing fine...and not soing something silly or boring... maybe some wouldd be like me, comp all say long...and ther reason? to monintor the network...

man, download sites dont offer much yet...and there isnt much to listen...then agan, i must source for parts pretty soon, because i really want the new computer up and running real soon...

and its been raining all day for the past few days...i hope tomorrow will be different... and i feel tired often... reading comics, and net surfing aint helping me to kill time... they get boring after a while...

ah...time to clear programmes! this comp is getting slow!

here's another picture i find nice... too bad there isnt autumn here... but i feel like its cooling... and my collection never runs dry...

perhaps i am really living in my own world now...perhaps... maybe?

cloudy

2006-11-21T17:10:00.000+08:00

man, so much for the patchwork on the blog... i really like this tsubasa skin...with the ending theme in it too...

kinda bored nowadays...i remember back then when i had my o levels to orry about...and then well...it just finished just like that...now well...come to think of it...i think its better to get back studying... bored actually...

then again there's so much to do now that the exams are over...such as net surfing everyday...and stuff...

now i must consider what should i do with my comp...i was told to come up with a budget and stuff so that i can buy a new comp...of course i want it better than this current pc, but then...the pro wont be here until the weekends. until then, i guess i will ask him all that i can...then source for the parsts!

ah well then...all i have to do is to wait for grad nite, and for the new comp...other than that, i have nothing much to do for now...except to net surf all day long...which gets kida boring at times...

ah well... i'd love to look at all the pictures...and recall...all the things...days....times...everything

... all back in my head...always on my mind...

waiting...

2006-11-20T18:00:00.000+08:00

man, there's nothing to do nowadays, but to look at my computer, waiting for the new one to come, and there isnt much to do nowadays... i can like level up once or twice without much of a proble, then comes the part where i have nothing to do...

man, luckily i can still blog...thankfully...i made it a point to write down my thoughts, out of habit, and because i find that this kills the time...afteral, i think i have a long wait before i can get back my o level results...

then there's grad nite, very soon, its coming, and i will see everyone again..and see if they have had much rest themselves...maybe there wont be much to expect there...i dont know...but the time seems to fly real quick...

when i first knew it, i did badly for my preliminary exams...then cane the time when i had roughly one month to study up...i was long prepared...then first paper...physics practical...then last week...then last paper...then now...i still cant get over the shock, but i feel that the vacation, or rather, long vacation is going to put my mind at rest...of course, not a day passes without me thinking how my results will be like...soon, they will be on board some jet, sent to the UK, and marked...i just hope i have done enough...thats all...

then i still have some stuf which i did not have time to fiddle with...some hobby of mine that i did not really had time for, and even if i did it, i did it illegally...well, looks like i have all the time i want! i think i am going to carry on with the work where i stopped...

looking at the msn list repopulate, then shrik everyday...man, people sure are busy...and i havent been leaving the house much, except on the weekends...to meet up with my cuz...after a long time...did the usual, went somewhee that he likes and stuff... well, at least i spent the time well...

ah well...time to go check the downloads...and maybe go back to pristontale for another level...before i sign out... haha...

so much for the holidays...and my handphone...

YES!!!

2006-11-17T17:09:00.000+08:00

o lvl is FINISHED!!!

man, it was grueling...and tirin, and difficult, but i still made it! haha! always will...

ah...bryan koh has given me enough info to start on a manga, as soon as i get some more material, i will start...and lets see what i can do... maybe more training first...

anyway, i am going to game all the way, chat, and wait for grad nite...see everyone in their best (or worst for nig?)

anyways...i really have nothing much to say for the moment, least of all, i just stepped out of hell itself...maybe i will go shower or something, have a sip of beer, and stuff...and relax...there will be nothing much for a vey long time...

ah well...back to business!

DEPAVALI!

2006-10-21T19:44:00.000+08:00

lmao depavali...still have to go to void deck meet chan, for chem, and in te end he never teach me and ant, and nelson, so lame, went to eat and come back he still talking to girls...anyway, we also sit there all talk cock, and do nothing much...

ah well, all me cuz is at me house, and guess what, its kinda boring...

ah well, this may be the last time i blog in a very long time...so i am going to make the best of it... i have been studying for like 9 hours a day...some say its insane, i think its tiring, my mom thinks its not enough...teachers say i shouldnt stress myself out...tuition teachers are giving me problems...

ah...1 more month to go...and then i dont quite know what to type now...except to net surf, got a little tired of pt, and now i have to rest a little...now i think i have to consider ...what to do...

ah well, i try posting as many pics as i can, the best of the best!

study break

2006-10-20T17:14:00.000+08:00

deparaya is near the corner, but o lvls even nearer haha!

man, never blog for very long, feel quite empty... now, tomorrow i am also gonna be able to use comp! great man! haha!

physics prelims is next week, and i have prepared everything...this has been my dream, to be so prepared, all i can do is to be even more prepared! man, i am pumped even before the exams starts! man...some 9 hours a day everyday now, studying...studying...studying...

yea, quite right, i will feel a little bored at times, of course i will, well, but it is worth it!

well, thinking of school sometimes, thinking of all the things i have done real good, think of the things i havent done so good, and well, think of everything undone...things i have to tell people especially, things i have to do...ah...sometimes, no time to regret for me!

ah well...playing pt!

best time...felt happy too...

2006-10-14T15:42:00.000+08:00

okay finally, the year ended...it was quite sad, sec 4...it just ends like this, yesterday i had to just rush off without writing more...

well, went back to school, and saw, ah hao, aloy first...well, first thing i want to do is to know what would happen, (lmao, when me pops parked the car, marl called me just to make sure i had the song they wanted...so funny!)

anyways, i separated with me mom n pops later, cuz they are being taken care off, nicely i hope, by usherers...so, i went to find the others...

we sat down, waited until the thing started...took photos, tried to take karen oei and chia but they were so fast (i didnt know penguins could run!) anyway, when i received the award, well, i was so nervous!!! tried not to smile like a madass, and took photo with dear ex vp...

then, we sat and watched this really long prize presentation, until finally, we could find out what the special event really was, it was sing along! and it was a sad song...(i will try to be happy here, i know what it feels like to be sad...) then this ex student gave a speech...and guess what...i saw...me...in him...i did not believe it...he was like...me...everything...though not all of it...attitude, way of speech...well...i dont know...fate brings us so far, the rest of our lives is up to us...i just hope...my efforts wont be in vain...i used to think prayer does not work, now i beg the heavens for help...see me through this, i want a better tomorrow...god help us all...i am no buddhist no more...panic just rushed through me...who to believe? wht would happen in my o levels?

then, well, like the usual, someone told me, inside my head, told me to go on...face this battle, even though chances are slim...then i realized...my preparation wont go in vain, but it will, if i dont defeat the sole enemy...myself...

so things ended with plenty of meaning...

then we went to the plaza for some fun...haha...sparkles time! havet really enjoyed the fu of sparkles...kudos to dun who endured all the pain from stray sparks that fley to him...sorry dunxin! played like a jedi though...or was that ant's line? but it was fun...

went up, 8 boxes of pizza...went round taking photos...was kind of cool, cuz today, i really get totake a snapshot of the people...even her...

she was all that i really thought of...if i did nothing...i will live with the feeling that i have left anothe problem in the latch, in the shelf...i just hope i hadn't...then something told me that it hasnt...well...a number of things...she seemed to have softened that "coldness"...detenee...i can see detenee...things are softening...or is it because it is the last day...cross traffic lights, kev, n the others saying wierd things when i stand next to her...finally, left for carpark, waved a last goodbye...and i saw it..a smile...no my eyes were fooling me...old men always had such delusions, maybe...it might be just that...it told me...that there was hope...and there is still time...i really hope so... dont let the sands slip past me...

always was so resoluteabout me being alone...now, i have decided to step out of the box...which i did...and it landed me today, where i am...i am grateful for those that guided me...and well...i still feel that there is more dirty work to do...

i just hope she has forgiven me...i mean no harm at all...i just want the end to be alright...read her blog, and me name wasnt in it...(altho dear ant's wasnt too, but found it later with much effort, but i wont mind anyways...) ..hope it isnt too late for me at all...

still running the track that is time...i hope nothing is too late for me...sq...forgive me...god watch over 4e1... (lmao...)

anime of the time...SHAMAN KING!!!>>>

wahahaha!!! last day...

2006-10-13T17:54:00.000+08:00

man today is the last day and i think that everything has got to have a bi end...well, like today, there is going to be some speech day and i think that it should be over real soon, cuz i am actually looking foward to the pizzas and stuff after that, cuz me class is having some party at the end. so much for a big end!

well...now for some well deserved testimonials...

lmao... dun think i have the time to write that many...anyway, i should go get ready real soon

OH NO!!!

2006-10-07T16:12:00.000+08:00

SHIT!!! next week have mock papers!!! rrghh...like we havent got enough to do!

man...it has been a busy week, rushing through all the work, ad me studying like mad, while being insulted by some stupid teachers...

ah...VIEzone is back...and PT is doing fine (i got a chance to play...surprisingly...) and well...started downloading of course!!! got some nice stuff that i missed out you know...

one more lesson and there will be no more! from british council!!! haha...not that i hate that place...but it really feels relieving...but really sad...i will miss kenji, kenny...and the others...

school is ending so soon...i feel kinda empty...so sad...4 years...and i will try my best to work my way out of it...i dont wanna leave, but i dont wanna stay too... i guess... haha...contradicting...

thinking of arts stream all of the time...haha...they say good things happen in the jc...i hope i will find some ood future there...better prospects in every aspects! people to meet...things to learn...the thought of advancement is just soo enticing!

i feel like sprucing up my blog real soon...but i dont know when i will do it...maybe next week...i will take a little time off my off day and write the apprasials as i promised myself to do...and to give this blog a new look again!

ahh....after this...another round of revisions...i hope it will get promising... and something learnt... more improvement...doubling of skills...everything...all just to gear up for the final charge...

ah...i wont be seeing me class very soon...after grand nite, after february...just hope to always keep in touch with them all...especially a few......

ah...i guess there is nothing to look foward to...except more hell...and even more hell...then salvation...wonder when will i be truely free... hmm...

the decree! start the machine in your head!!!

2006-10-02T20:33:00.000+08:00

ok...haha i guess, everything is gonna be fine now...

got the chance to use the comp, so added a tagboard...doing zarmee's boring work now...but she does want us to do good does she?

i guess, while i am doing her work...i will take time to comment on how busy we'v become lately...

i also have to thank dunnie for helping me address a problem...man...i cant believe it...i cant do without having good relations...i mean...well, just look at how i can gain this bit of diplomacy for myself...haha...anyways...he rawks totally! anyways...i will still hope that this class i am in will all hang in there, just like me...i am hanging in there...hoping that there will be a new light at the end...as always...

okay...now...since there is an evaluation exercise being done in school...i guess i should be doing one too... haha...so...here comes the cass list and i will do it for everyone...what i think of everyone...maybe in me next entry...gimme some time th think yow!!! haha

now i am done with zarmee's work...sigh...finally...it was way long...man...and well...i look foward to a better tomorrow....haha as always...

tomorrow...there's PE...should i do PE? nah... haha, not to emulate that irksome someone though! haha

so...i guess..."you are the sunshine of my day!" a line from "Sunshine Of My Day" from Rie Fu...man...lots of nice stuff i have stashed away...and VIEzone is down??? man...only have one option left haha...

actually...i intend to work very late...till 12 if i must...cuz i am really gonna hang in there!!! haha!! hopefully i will pull thru...no more sucky marks to bother me...

and yes....i got 75 for my lit...what a relief...

its gonna be a few months since i started this blog...haha...actually...its kinda cool come to think of it...cometimes...i have no one to tell what i think...then...well...i can just type it out actually! so easy...yea...tedious...i cant type as fast any more...dont understand why though... now looking for a pic or 2 to post in this blog entry for today...

here! grapevine...a really cool group of people...singing jazz cum rock... quite a good combination i think... look up btw...

and me current wallpaper...nah...half of it actually...i kinda like this one...its been with me for a while...makes me relax...

anyways...i guess i have to continue my art soon...because i am getting real rusty at it...really! i cant believe it...the control is gone! i had so much control of the pen...now to pull it back...but i guess i will do it to relax once in a while...like peggy said...you cannot stop now...

like real...

i know when to rest...i prioritize...cua...my study schedule is jammed packed....and i have just no time for myself if i follow strictly to it...which i beloeve i am going to...or else i wont make it...

okay...i guess...i have alot of work to do... plenty to look foward to...plenty to do...

now watching my printer printing so fast...like it is earnest for the job... haha... good ol' printer!

ok...going soon...and a few hours more before i turn in...turn in?!? no way man... "wakin' up 2am just to play Hexen!" me bro's good ol' quote for playing comp late night...haha! he's a good man!

results back!

2006-09-30T11:50:00.000+08:00

shitty results for prelims, but not deterring me, because i know what i must do, and i will do it...

anyways, i have had some week, and i feel that it has been rather hectic for most things...like fixing up dear peggy's classroom, man, that took some time, especially since there was one time when i had to visit the computer labs just to suse a shitty comp to hep peggy print some of her decorations for the notice boards...man, she really has a lot of work...

now i am still contemplating whether i should o to school or not, becasue as of next week, my concrete study plan will come into effect, and i hope to be able to do something great about it. make my o lvl results the best!!

anyway, i do have off days, on saturday 14 of oct and on depavali...i will be pting, i hope otherwise, i will be studying to the core, and making sure that thigs t=stick in me head...

man grad nite is on 23rd...i really wanna wear something okay for it but i dont know where to look! haha...told me mom that if she was afraid of the costs, i willpay her back...hope she buys that...

anyway, i can forsee alot of work left...i do understand now that success comes with much hard work...man...so much for o lvls... kev just made a pact with most of us that we will meet in the end, successful...long live the pact!

man...this comp is getting old real fast...looks like i will be getting anew one, but i may have to work out the budget. i sure am gonna make sure the new one does not break down that easily!!! plus it is gonna be everything new...top to bottom, save the speakers, mouse, keyboard, and monintor...

man...everything has to go a bye bye...

ahh...finally, have my load of songs in me mp3...no rock this time!!!

see if it works...

F*** off! PRELIMS!!! welcome o lvls

2006-09-22T12:19:00.000+08:00

wahahaha prelims are over!!!

whew...i had to study ike mad everyday, sometimes into the late of the night...man, i am glad this ordeal is over, but i will be ready for the next challenge...and i will be there when it comes...face it even if it means death...

man...they said something about prom night...course i wanna g,but i need to get some sort of suit...nah...i guess i will go there looking like a hard rocker...again!

oh well...can finally rest for one weekend before i go back to the usual routine!! haha

whew...man, havent visited the download sites in ages...man now that i finally see what is inside the download websites, well, all i have to say, is that i may have missed out on certain goodies! haha

ah well...enjoying pt, and the nice sun until the time comes...

YUI came out with a new single, I Remember You... she is cool...i think she is 19 or summat, and well, see what she has established for herself! haha

time to rest for the weekend!!! where's my beach chair?

fulfilling!!

2006-09-07T20:43:00.000+08:00

ahh...i finished lots of studies lately... and i feel that i might be a trifle ready...haha...

oh well...you know, everything seems wrong and right...just after i finished my previous entry, i felt that i would not do the studies i was doing before...si, i stopped at 9...and had some time off...

oh well, wednesday was no better...had to hit the books again, but to something special...drilling...and i mean it...drilling...those motherfuckers were drilling my ass off, they were renovating some house of theirs which i cannot care less, and i had to move to the library to study...

back to school today...met everyone and her again haha...cant stop talking about her now...but i dont care...she seemed a little happier, i get the feeling that things are going to soften up a little now, and that would be good, not a little hatred left, and no more misunderstanding...i swear that i really like to see her smile...just that few more little steps to make her smile once more...how nice...and its not because i like her or anything...its just like...well...i am painting a picture...

and there we go again...to art! manga art speaks alot about precision, and we care a lot about details, well, i guess, i do care about the details now...haha, because i really want to see a happy class..

some midgets should be left out of the class, especially the "it's me" megalo midet who told on me to her...well, thats one of the reasons why she has such a poor impression on me now...i swear, i am gonna slit "its me's" throat...but ah who cares...let sleeping dogs lie...no wait...let her be...i must compose myself well...i will live and let be...let her do whatever she likes, and i will just know that at least she is trying to find a place for her to elong...if she feels comfortable with hurting other people, and breaking other people, and making people misunderstand, well...i cant stop her...but i want this fact to be kniwn, that i will not back down, even to such adversaries, and i will stand proud and tall like i have always done so, and will solve every of liife's worst...even if it means death...i will stand my ground...i am pretty sure that few have withstood her wriath, i will withstand all the way...not for honor any more, but for myself...because at least i know that its me, i am in control of myself...i am still sane, and i will always know that i have the ability to face it...all the time...

i wish "its me" well, and may whoever meets Kelly Chua on the road, please be careful of what secrets you pour to her...watch your tongue, and save your commets too...whoever meets this person, please watch your step...like her if you do, but let me tell you... she will be very particular of everything people tell her...she is highly egoistic, and her ego is so high...high up to the high heavens, and the cosmos, and as wide as the seven seas and beyond. i warn you, anyone who wants to have anything to do with her...be careful...extra careful. you never know when seh might just lash at you...and when you have secrets, dont tell her...she will spill it out...just like me...

as for the other, well...if she ever sees this, i just have to say..well, sorry or putting such a bad word about kelly, but in my impression, she is like that...well..to you...shu qing...well...lets just hope things turn out fine...some day...really...no more misunderstanding please... miss understood...

hey, thats an albumn, miss undersdtood...from BoA...

serious if sq does read this...well...just wanna let her know that i want to solve problems...i want to help not to lord over everything and spoiling...i know there has been a series of unfortunate events, but i want to see it over...and when it is...please unblock me from msn will ya? haha...peace ^^ always smiling! thats what i would like to paint of all of you all...

for shu qing... lets just hope that we can speak to each other and find out what is really wrong..then settle it once and for all, and make sure that nothing goes wrong again...and make everyone happy...i want you to be ahppy...please...just so i can be guilt free... i dont wanna be guilty again...i want to live free...

ah speaking of blogs...well, it was meant to be read...unlike some freak Kelly Chua who set an id and password system to her blog...and well, guess what, no one, or rather...few can enter... well...if its a blog, why bother to set up security? if it is a blog, then it as meant for all to read....and not to be kept tightly in your grip...soviets and commies sux man, and i mean it...thats why i dont mind being so open in my blogs...i leave everything spelt out!

ah well...now that i am left with nothing much...time to change the skin of the blog...tomorrow going to ah mah place! she rawks!! haha! and well, i look foward to a fulfilling prelims!

i see light at the other end...shall i reach for it?

okay! long time no write!

2006-09-05T17:02:00.000+08:00

what have i got to say? well, i havent entered an entry in a long time... haha, i guess, like there is terror fatigue, there is also blog fatigue...ah but i dont care... actually, i just dont have the time to write an entry..everytime i turn on the pc, i will play the games, and forget to enter an entry...i only put in entries when i am doing work...

okay, lots of things happened... first...holidays started...and before that was teachers day! went to school, no studies, just celebrations, and making merry like hell...they had this talentime show of bands, all lousy players...i swear to god, Han and his band, when i jammed with the the last time, they rawkes...too bad, such suckers, in me school, no talent...i can do far better...they should like practise at home or summat...

well, i have to say that i did not enjoy any part of the performance at all...save one...the last one...for our dear form teacher...well, wesang the song At The Beginning from Anastasia...well, she went so emo...then the photo taking ...man i have to say, it was wild... looking at "her" though...you know who i mean, still havent settled it with her yet...i really want to see that smile on her face again...and then, no more troubles! i swear man, after i settle her problem, i will really have to change meself...sam said that it will take time...i guess...so be it...

well, i had to rush off...heading to...my grans! ah mah! she rawks man...tho the cooking was not done by her this time...it was my mom's...and guess what! it tasted just like my gran's cooking! mom rawks too huh?

well...holidays started...and well, i have to hardcore my studies...or rather, just make it more hardcore! which i did! and hope it works! full steam ahead! Ready? Steady? GO!!! ALL THE WAY FOR PRELIMS!!

yea...must be prepared, and must be mentally ready! i will go prepared...motivated too! cool, good combination! combo bonus all the way sia!

then me dad bought these 2 damn old shows...Pirates of the Caribbean and The Day After Tomorrow...cool shows man...watched pirates b4 so it seems like a refresher...but day after tomorrow, man freak show! so cold man! all storms and snow!

okay...so tuitions arent gonna be good, cuz lots of hw, especially chinese... i hate that one, because of work! just hope it all works out fine in the end...

well...today's tuesday...and i guess, well, long week...lots of studies...then friday rush pristontale! haha, makes my life an entire malestorm! i guess thats my life...i think what i am gonna do next, then i think i know, and wal confidently, only to stop later on, and think again...continues like this...but at least its better than walking blindly! and at least i can choose my path real clear!

well...all i know is that after my o's, i am really gonna rush jobs! earn enough to get me items! upgrade this old comp...yea...i know, very sad to say goodbye to me comp, but its gonna be a new one! why worry?!? then i must think of going jamming again...gotta call up han again!

then i gotta think of moving on...been a while since i said no to her...well... know who...that idiot who posts her name as its me...haha, now have to move on...hopefully, in me new school, more prospects? online is also a treasure trove...really hope i can get to find someone...really...i admit i am despo...but well...i think that can wait...i am all the ready...and...well...i'll keep my eyes open...this time...new approach...really cool approach i am gonna try, that is...time! wun tell her or show indications so quickly...i will befriend...and let time dictate our course...collision course!!! haha!! and it should work...i hope? no one has to know anyway...

ah well...guess...gotta go hit the books again...but then...ELENDIL!!! i fear not death...only thy self...well...here i go again! haha! always me!

yay man! here they are!

2006-08-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

they are up!! all the 4E1 class pphotos! all up! haha...go flickr n see them all!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/35327514@N00/show/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/31257433@N00/show/

non 4E1ers are not allowed btw...haha

you guys r rockers! i like u all man

now, i need to fix up my literature work, and also to fix up the tagboard...

by the way, if the photos, good or bad, comments leave them on the taggie! thanks! haha

peace to all! and rehearsal was a breeze today! good work guys! make sure u all do some good work, make a sensation on thursday! i am shaking like a kid now! haha! where is my drum set!!!

enjoy guys, by the way, i took out some pics, too lousy, and takes up too much space

cool! haha

2006-08-27T22:03:00.000+08:00

lmao, havent blogged in weeks...

so this are the events that happened to me...

1.) did not blog for a long time

2.) sq still hates me

3.) agreed to work on sth for teachers day

4.) can't play CABAL

5.) don't wanna play CABAL anyway

6.) broke my little finger

7.) can't draw

8.) gotta face a class

9.) FGPT was fun

10.) lvling was slow due to lack of time

11.) my old gran gives me some problems, all the time

12.) still got problems posting 73 pics for my class

13.) havent studied really enough, only adequate

14.) i hate myself!

15.) i am still coping though...wont break down, i am not jelly btw

16.) class T shirt is pending

17.) i designed part of it!

18.) i feel like a rocker

19.) i have open canvass lalala

20.) comp trouble bugs me

haha, those sum up what i have done

can still use my comp for work though... and i think its time to take real drastic action!

and farewell to pluto! sorry dude, u couldnt stay!

very long time....no see! and new skin!

2006-08-21T21:05:00.000+08:00

very short time to post something...

anyway, i changed my blog skin again...

much has happened actually...

can play cabal...but decided against it, quite lag actually...and whats more, i am playing pristontale now...its a private server, makes me laugh anyway...

school's getting boring...august fanart competition coming up from www.kh2.co.uk amd i have to keep up my pace with the art piece halfway...yea...this will be the first time i do one myself... and with little reference...and i am coloring it! with opencanvas plus v4.06 haha...managed to crack it! ant u will want it i know...

finished lots of hw...and i started full gear in studying now...hope it really works...i will slack in school and work at home as a rule...

other than that, life is okay for me now...i like it that way!

^^

being frank...confessions

2006-08-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

lmao, tomorrow i am going to tell her straight in the face that i am giving up...i dont want to carry on anymore, i feel very lost and i feel that i must protect my rights also, cant be going around saving and being there for someone when i cant even handle my self...

seemingly improved in typing, can type without looking at the keyboard, but still make some mistakes, and it is harder to type when your eyes are afk...

just to reflect, i did say that i wouldnt like someone because of her looks, but this time i go back on my word...also, when we arrange to talk, she would be late, and i hate that, because it spoils all the meaning, and i will be left fuming all over again...moreover, she is taking a low profile, and i hate to hide stuff from people, that is soething cannot condone...i cant be there for her all the time, and everything just hurts for me...so unfair to me...also, if the relationship goes on, i cannot have freedom of expression on my blogs! she has censored some of my entries, forcing me to delete sections where applicable to her, ONLY! and what the hell, and i say literally, oh shit, why in the F**king world are you medelling with my blog? my freaking blog is for me and i reserve the rights, in fact, all the bloody rights for myself...

not to be harsh though, but i feel that i have no god damn space...

well, dear blog, thats how i curse, cuss, swear when i get, what they call, pissed...

perhaps i should start treating my blog like another person, because i feel better ouring my heart out to you.

so well, i am giving up, not that i dont care any more, but i want my freedom again, and i wanna move on, i just hate to have the rights taken off me...knowing all these, she will take my name off her blog list, and i wont be able to enter again, knowing her, she will defend the name: krelian, where i hae deleted, and i wish to put up again:

i am krelian! seraphim of the high heavens, defender and protector...

i want to fly high in the skys, or just flow down the river that's life...i wanna move on, i dont want to stay with a place which has rejected me once...i want to move on...and concentrate on the here and now...

i regret, because this will seem like i am not taking responsibility...she goes counselling, because she has a proble, - sucide...she asked me once whether she should take sleeping pills, and how many it would take to kill someone, thats when i knew things werent good, and i chipped in, and i got myself into such a state, and i feel that all these has all gone horribly wrong...of course those were censored too, so much for freedom of speech...

she said she liked me after i consoled her and made her think otherwise about the sleeping pills thingy...

there is a book, called an enemy of the people, which i do for literature...i feel like i am somewhat related to the book now...no freedom of speech and the likes, and i feel very bad about it, and i hate it all! i have been censored, and marred, and made to keep a low profile...

she goes for counselling......shouldnt that be reserved for the worst of cases? anyway, she was referred by a teacher...and well, i just have to say, i disagree with it all...just so freaking mad...

i am going to remove my tagboard real soon, no comments will flood there for some time again, i know she will flood it, with all the criticism and i would hate myself...

to all who still trust me: i am not irresponsible...i waited 1 year, infact, i gave up trying to tell her my true feelings last year...and i feel it pointless to carry on...afterall, puppy love lasts short...hate to leave it, but you feel way better after you leave...

to samantha, take care...i dont know how you will have to cope, maybe she will go caustic and go back to her old self again. i have done what i can to make her happy, and i know, i am leaving just like that, very irresponsible i know, but needed, i setill want my rights, and i feel that she should be okay by now...i know she may have less friends, but i will still be there, only as a friend, as an ordinary person...i am very frank, and i will always be...

as for the sq problem, she gets caustic too, when she sees me...i dont want to care any more, i want to put it all behind me...and if she ever reads this...i want to move on, i dont want to give bad impression, i just want to lead a life of my own now, i wont bother any more...

to kelly...you made my life change, 360 degrees, from a wild person, i changed...completely...new person...i have to leave now...leave, dont find me please....dont find me...

i take my leave...i need to cry?

funny, i typed faster than i ever had in my life... strange!

i weep i cry

for myself?

no one heres, broken heart...

cant heal, no time...

move on, but theres time...

stay on, but there is no love...

i lost all hopes,

all pride,

all honor.

at what price?

paid was that price...

done was that ritual of old,

i just cannot

believe that i still

live on...

i leave now, partake whatever i want.

see the last, breathe the air,

once more...

the gates close, i move on,

s whisper the good-bye,

and cry in my heart...

so much is a seraph...

i look in the skys, the gods

stare at me.

i seek help

seek to return to bask

in their light,

once again...

they take me in,

with open hands.

i feel warm,

true love, concern,

for there is where,

i am truely cared for...

as a protector...i was cared for

for if i were not there,

they would not live.

the word will die,

the halls will burn,

thsu is my task, my

true and only task...

i look back, once again,

ask myself,

had the life been good?

yes, no? maybe...

but i will take my chances...

i smile, wipe off the tears...

i move on...into the bright light...

no more turning back....i guess...i loved my life, it will go now...now to undertake larger tasks, before i come bak to the more subtle aspects of life...

crying helps... and i look foward to a new tomorrow...hopefully, with new things...new light...new pursuits, new joy, new sorrow...all part of a new life!

weekend blues...

2006-08-12T14:41:00.000+08:00

just finished rushing through this really difficult essay from literature, and it all sucks because the ideas are just so difficult to think of...

have to submit it on monday...

i think the updates for today would be the virtual pet! wonder what i would adopt!

just helped my mom make her own blog! haha, told her it really helps, because blogging is better than just playing all the computer games...cool!

think there will be no downloads for today! because well, ongakusuki has nothing to offer...forgot to check viezone though...

well, went for focus today, boring lesson, with the teacher saying that there was once when singapre snowed...lame....they all say "talk cock lah"

oh well, tonight i will go see some fireworks! cool!

wonder if me mom will read me blog...she says she will...now even my brother wants one!

i am still trying to figure how to post songs on my blog...i would want a song from ellegarden played on my blog!

peace.

yes man!

2006-08-11T17:38:00.000+08:00

lmao, retaking channa because its a C5! WTMF!!!

today was o lvl english oral, it was suck...very sucky examiner, lousy points...arghh...screw up

i am making major maintenance to this blog by the way...

she is bugging me now i hate it!!! and she is late today!!!

i dont mind though, haha, somehow...?

now the new skin is a GSD one, very cool, very nice, gauranteed!

nothing much to write, but need to go for stupid chemistry focus tomorrow!!! hate that teacher!!

new updates:

fixed the links section!!! yarrh! now can link to people!

new skin!

new tagboard, though not so new now, got someone tagging it now, i think

updated profile

THATS ALL FOLKS!

National Day!!

2006-08-09T16:48:00.000+08:00

cool! national day! is a holiday today...i may not have much to do with this country, not much alliegance, but its great anyway? be happy for those who are celebrating their birhdays...this country celebrates its 41st birthday...

so there is a surprised planed for her birthday huh...i like it too...especially since i am going to be a part of it and all...i hope she likes it real good, and it doesnt kill my schedule!

i feel like changing the blog skin real soon, and i have gotten myself my third tag board, but i just hope that nothing bad happens to it!

ah...finally back on the pink of health, but i cant taste well...food is tasteless...so much for eating what i really like...

i feel my hand itching again, and feel the essence running in its veins again...i can write and draw again! as soon as i regain my strength, i should continue my passion for the arts, real soon...

so much for a long holiday...i have to look foward to a series of tests, extremely grueling and i have to study! i mean, thats ggoing to be difficult! but i will try...i guess, at least i know i have tried...

i know i can do it!

ah...i guess...once again, i have something t loom foward to at the end of the month, and my expertise has been sought once again. in july, it was how i wrote, now, it was how i cared...how i loved...

i just dont want to be used, i want to be needed, to be sought, to be of help to anyone who needs it most, anything, no matter how difficult, will try my best, somehow......i seem to want to serve others, but seem to think that i am not meant to help...i dnot know, perhaps my thinking has been marred by years of poor experiences, damn those fools...

i still have her...i guess...i hope...i can only hope...

ah...NDP was wal cool...but the president was so stern...wish he would loosen up a little, which he did, at the hand, he shook hands with one kid...wasnt that cool?

visited her blog...well...there was this hug thing which i tapped will it was over 40, and well...i have to say, i learnt some, for myself...learnt some from reading her blog...

she did not mention me...lmao

should i start mentioning names soon? cuz its my own blog anyway, ah who cares...people read my stuff so i have to be careful...

speaking of which, i best go look for a new blog skin real soon, because i think that i should change my blog outlook every so often...

ah...now to find some entertainment...perhaps i will go for a round of gofl in pangya? no? maybe continue to blog and chat? cool? yea...everything is...tomorrow i would have to study again! for a math test! nd i might have to use the comp solely for work real soon, use less! cuz the "o"s are coming...goddamnit i hate the "o"s.

always full of surprises life is...yea...LIFE...by YUI....here it is...

Doro darake yo najime nai tokai de

Onaji you ni warae nai utsumuite aruita no

Isogi ashi de surechigau hito-tachi

"Yume wa kanai mashita ka?"

ATASHI mada MOGAite iru

Kodomo no goro ni modoru yori mo

Ima wo umaku ikite mitai yo

Kowagari wa umare tsuki

Hi no atari basho ni dete

Ryoute wo hirogete mita nara

Ano sora koete yukeru ka na?

Nante omottanda

Tobitatsu tame no tsubasa

Sore wa mada mie nai

KANTAN ni ika nai kara ikite yukeru

Nureta koinu hiroi ageta dakede

Chotto warae chau hodo

Namida ga koborete kita

Aisaretai aisaretai bakari

ATASHI itte ita yo ne

Motomeru dake ja dame ne

Kodomo no goro wa MAMA no koto

Hidoku kizutsuketa

Hi mo atta yo ne kawari tai

Ima zenbu

Hi no ataru basho ni dete

Kono te wo tsuyoku nigitte mitai

Ano basho ano toki wo kowashite

I can change my life

Demo kokoro no naka subete wo

Totemo tsutae kire nai

KANTAN ni ika nai karaIkite yukeru

Hi no ataru basho ni dete

Chizu wo hirogete miru kedo

I know... You know...

Mayoi michi mo shikata nai

I can change my life

Sugite kita hibi zenbu de

Ima no atashi nanda yo

KANTAN ni ika nai karaIkite yukeru

thats LIFE, from YUI...pretty much a good song for all! and i like it so!

looking foward to tomorrow as always! late sleep! cool! haha, i like a good night's sleep...though i dont allign myself with the dark any more...its dangerous musiness dealing with them!

so much for all!

haha...peace! ^^

tired...

2006-08-08T16:21:00.000+08:00

man...

i was sick! coultn't crawl out of bed! now istill cant breathe...

man...wishing i could be there for her again...

the sq thing...read her blog...hope that she forgets this fiasco real soon...cuz...well...frankly, i dont give a damn any more...yea...jus to keep that as a reminder...

one day absence and i have to do a ton of literature work...sometimes i want to strangle the life out of that burly walrus of a literature teacher...she made me overwork...and i cant see how the others will benefit from being overworked...pity...

cant help feeling there is something watching me from above...

feel like playing game now, when i am supposed to do my work...mom not at home and all...ahh who cares...just finish my work and be done with it!

seriously, i feel very tired...very tired...

i dont seem to have much kick into drawing any more...why?

losing everything again...looks like i have to collect it back again!

ah...Back to work!

sincere?

2006-08-05T17:00:00.000+08:00

well...much has happened...

she came back to me...and i wasnt prepared too! well...you could see that it was pretty difficult for me...but she was like crying and well...very sad...she wanted to die...well...i was there...

so i said i would be there for her no matter what it took, and i would do anything i could even if i could not...guess what...and now...i am at a loss...

i told her that i had to settle a few things before she could call me...actually, its easier said than done...if i am going to allow her to call me whenever, wherever, i would have to make her calls bypass everything that is in place to prevent that from happening...well...its difficult...for one, she cant txt message me, and we can only call each other...even if she calls, well...it just does not look good...but i have to do it...some how...i feel i must do it...you can call it love, or concern...anything...just cant let anything to happen to her...

in a way...i waited one year to feel the same thing as she did when i did what she is doing to me now, on her...it kind of feels wierd, but different, more of concern, not of infatuation anymore..i feel that i can do anything and can help her...i want to help her...i hate to see her so helpless...its my job...its what i like to do...

i hate sad people...

i want her to know that there is someone who really cares for her, and will be by her side when she needs it...but he also needs her support at times, and motivation...

i just hope that our relationship will be one which is helpful, helping each other instead of just infatuation...true love, not impulsive affection...thats what i feel now..

oh well...i forgot her blog url! haha...and she is nt online... oh well...

now...got bigger problems...i need to upgrade my IE7 and its getting hard, since i dont know how to fix up the cracked version...

feel so lost now......looks like i am the one who needs help? haha

she asked me if our relationship would last...i told her...if you think it will, it will...that was a wrong answer...oh well...i will tell her real soon...but i hope its not too late!

cool?

2006-08-02T22:14:00.000+08:00

yea man...

had a easy few days...and i keep on forgetting to bring the laptop damnit!

well...it just so happens that people are trying to aggravate the situation back in school...the sq problem...but i hit some links, and well...i should be able to solve it real soon. i should not feel bad or guilty anyway...i have no feelings of sorts...

there is this new guy called nigel in class...wonder if he is related to the ritual, the thing i want to forget...ah well... i dont wanna remember!

well...i feel like a new person...and han said there would be jamming real soon! cool, cant wait...but i have been practising jazz drum beats...thanks to bonnie pink! rrghh...

oh well...ant got his new phone...looks cool too...he took photos with it...digital ixus and all...cool phone...btw...wish i had mine...wont get it until the end of the year...but i dont mind! seriously!

well...went fr physics focus...and now i can really focus since i went to focus, and will be able to focus since they say that focus is to help you focus on your studies, and focus will help you focus on where you are weak on, therefore focus will make you focus and double focus until you cannot focus, and focus until tyou stop focusing because when exams finish you dont need focus, since you dont ever need to focus again...so much for FOCUS!

oh well...kelly just msned me just now...she got real emo and said stuff like wanting to die and stuff like that...ah well...same thing as always...i help out...say i would b there for her n stuff...well...turned out gr8...hope so...she seemed okay...going to phone her later...

oh well...got lit work to rush, and people piling to ask me for help...sometimes i hate jane, because she is aassociated with work, and jane and work make a deadly combination...

hope for a better tomorrow? you bet!

peace.

yea man..good memories...bad memories...

2006-07-31T20:55:00.000+08:00

Well...I survived!

The playwriting was real tough I can say...and it was grueling, but other than that, I think it is real fun to go there, what with all the people who are so adapt in the arts, and all the inspiration, the laughs, the partying, and the socializing!

A break through of what I happened...

Checked in, with my pass now, so pleased, but this year, it’s not a card, but looks great anyway. Walked in, collected my goodie bag, and stood around...did not know the people. And the shirt rawks!

Then came Keith...we talked a little, went up, found a place, settled down and stuff...and realized that he wont be in the same block as I am...aww...but he agreed to lend me his thumb drive...

Anyway...I met Cheong Wei and Shawn... they were real cool, and I bungled with them in a room...Shawn slept thru the first hour, then I did my piece...Sora was not called Sora yet, he was called Koji...and Kairi had her place... CW was banging his head...it was his first time writing a play. I pity him, and kinda think he was cool!

Then we went over the next room...wow! It was so fun! That’s when it was fun for the whole time...we talked...introduced...and the stimuli came...hand phone...oh...the first was “you are very funny, you know that?”...

Sam called at 7...she sounded okay...she was going to come...really looked forward to it!

The chrysanthemum tea was good...

Well...we talked, and ate together...and they were such funny people! Especially mama love...then I fired away until it was page 9...then I rested from 10 to 12, when the third stimulus was coming. Sora finally has his name...his friends take shape...his love life churning in my head...wonder when sq’s problem will be solved...nah...I got Sora’s love life to worry...stopped at somewhere like page 12

Called Kelly...talked...she sounded tired...she was my long time inspiration giver...like her for that...inspire me please?

We partied, and there was pizza and drinks and songs! Balcony was romantic...was talking to this Buddhist circle guy called Cell, really got to know each other real well...I like him!

Well...the third stimuli came as a shocker...”a gorilla gives a banana”. That really shook me off course, but I managed it anyway...it was real easy...Shawn was coming in and out...now e is missing...and CW is panicking...

Switched to coffee...CW made this weird brew of Lipton with coffee...3 in 1 mix...wonder if it works?

I fired away at 12, until 3, when I drew a little...its Yuna now...she looks kinda cute, but its just the beginning... when came, had this consensus that I could take off my clothes to sleep...and I slept...power napped...until 6...Sora is going overseas...their relation sours upon here...more violence...and page 22...

Woke up...people came in and out...went to look around...flipped on my laptop to inspire me, and closed it as soon as it was on...really listless...didn’t know what to do...

Then came breakfast...did not eat it...but I really felt full...from last night I guess...CW worked out 6 pages...Shawn is still missing...

Managed without breakfast, wrote more...approaching act 5 scene 3...very dangerous...don’t want that to happen...must incorporate scenes...people getting quiet...not as funny, but still able to make a few laughs...CW coming along fast...

Last stimulus...headache...really a headache...cant think and stuff...hate it...Sora gets the headache...he will meet Kairi...they kiss twice...wanted to make that 3, but cut on that...by the way...third stimulus was room with a teddy, dress...n stuff...

Finished by 12:30, went down for some grub after that...transferred my laptop, talked to someone...slept...until Sam called me...

She was at the station...coming here...did not know what to tell her...cant have her here...too risky...I don’t even know the place...tried to convince her to turn back...concerned, very worried...was angry...because my nap was interrupted...but I loved her...what could I do...had to tell her to go back...she told me to call her if there was anything...there was none Sam... I can tell you...I edited my script for like 2 hours, went around...made my final edit...went down! JUDGEMENT!

Printing time! Waited for CW to finish...printed mine...went up, packed my stuff, took one last look, said farewell to all...

Thank you all...inspiration was great...I loved it all!

And finally to sum up the competition...

“I want to line up the pieces...yours and mine...”

My blog line? Yes! I used it in my play...it’s a love story...lovely!

To those who helped me...thank you!

Back home, well...better...slept after watching shallow hal...

With the big problem...now must solve it

Talked to Dun Xin, he advised me...great man...

Tonight...I will forget him...

Won’t write his name in my blog anymore...his memory is a pain, affecting me too...

I am starting the ritual...chalk...oil...tome...calm mind...all ready...cant cram in my room...space problems again...don’t really care...only want to solve problems...I get hyper when I think of him, and that has become frequent...it’s a trauma actually, masked by hyper behavior...

Bye...the bad memories will pass...comes a new hope...asked someone to help me out again...it must work...it must...

I know it...once again...

YES!

2006-07-28T19:08:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the big day! i am going Aloha Changni tomorrow! competition starts tomorrow at 4pm! cant wait! i am shaking like a kid.

got all the help i can get, and had a long week, waiting for this opportunity...the competition!

sam is visiting me great! i wont feel bad anymore, low morale will be bad!

the air is tense...i have memorised some part of the story i want to write, going through the important things in a play..wow, my head is spinning...i must play a game to relax now!

yea...still have focus tomorrow, looks like some people dont know

had a lot of songs, new ones to see me through the competition! yea, all to rock me through the race for the best results

i still think of her, how to solve the problem...it will have to take some time now, since my benefactoress has decided, not to help me now...i will do it, i know it...

just you wait!...shu qing!

anyway, i hope for the best...toast to my success! hail!

i feel the wings of words coming out now! its ready! yarrhhh!

hail!

feelin better?

2006-07-26T16:44:00.000+08:00

yea, i feel much better...

of course i do! got back my specs, so i dont have to crawl like a blind mouse...

there was this fiasco with the TheaterWorks people i had on monday...and it is...SOLVED! i am going Aloha Changni! yea man, and its a chalet too! cool yow! have near infinite stock of refreshments, and i have a real story prepared! i am all pumped up! yarrh!!

anyway, the problem with her isnt going too well, i can only say that preogress is slow, and somehow, i get the feeling that one day, i wil really have to tell her some stuff face to face, clear the doubts, move on, explain everything, clear everything, walk away as friends, no longer misunderstanding each other, prefer it to be like that, can talk like normal people...i know she can find someone better...i will watch...just as aways, eye in the sky...thats what all us oracles do...

i used to like her...gradually...she was so jumpy...then...the day came...i lost my honor... i felt i could no longer love anymore...i sacrificed my honor, for something i wanted...from then on, i could receive all the honor anyone can give, and i would take none, to preserve myself...to tell myself that honor brought only ruin...i sworn to give up evil, i had to do that... embrace the light, forgo my evil pursuits of past, so that i would not be past redemption...

i sought salvation...

thats why i decided to leave kelly...thats why i decided to forgo her...sq...shuqing... no other choice...i was filled with taint, hatred beyond the wildest imagination...i could not allow that...i did not want that

there went my hope...i sacrificed my hope, hope for greed, for pleasures that werent good for me...i let them go...sacrificed...

now came my prode, the recessant of the three...honor, hope, pride...

i let it go this very day, because i realized that it was my pride that kept me up...i had to stay up, only because of my standing with gods...

i sacrificed it...

no longer was i honored for honor, hoping for hopes, pride for pride....i let them go...sacrificed them...

thats why i am here, i dont want so much...i just let them go...and, i feel a little happire, to know that i no longer would be honorable, hopeful, or full of pride...because they would pull me down to a level, where i would not want to return to..

shuqing, sorry if there were any misunderstandings...that is all...

just hope to solve them, and walk on with life...wont feel so sad...at least, let me have a smile, a thin smile crawl across my face...please...?

the evening is beautiful...i love it...the setting sun, a smile trying its best to stay on my lips...

i wanna cry now......til the end of time... let honor, hope, pride, be washed from my soul...

i want to line the pieces up...yours...and mine....

shuqing...let me be truely free...free as always...

a scattered dream thats like a far-off memory, a far-off memory thats like a scattered dream...

thats you...shuqing...of the past...hope you understand...thanks...friend...^^

and...RARAROMVAA AGAIN!!!

2006-07-24T18:29:00.000+08:00

i feel good all over again!

fact is that i dont have to worry so much actually...let my problems be solved!

fees great when you know what to do in your life...let some matters go...because it may be easier to just let go some times!

RARAROMVA! thats the line of the raging devil! oops, i hate devils...but vigor is in my spirit! always! yarrhh!

full of vigor! pumpin up me veins...feels so good sometimes...

so why the sudden change?

feels better anyway.

yarrhh!

here i stand...ready to take on the world...hopefully, i wont die trying to do so! oh well...

anyway, i am looking to another day of hell, let it pass, let it kill me, seraphs cant die, i am alligned with the high heavens...my soul is tranquil, and in peace. i fight for all that is holy, slayer of the darkness... let the eight wings of the seraph open! wing of words!!

that...is my destiny...who i really am...seraphim of the high heavens...wings of words flushing open, ready for flight, to fly into battle. the battle, with the darkness of destiny.

run forth!

really feel better knowing my destiny...to be one with the heavens!

wolverine blood running in my veins...vigor...rage of the berserkers...vigor...to move on...

yea...and complications!

2006-07-24T16:51:00.000+08:00

crap! complications arize~~

it seems that the people at TheaterWorks may not have my aplication form for the playwriting competition...but looks like they gave me a chance, submit by tomorrow...if it works, i hope, cuz it must! i planned like mad!

oh well...i decided that literature was not so interesting, so, i slept through, and got scolded... oh really? we just chatted...and looks like problems can be solved through diplomacy...

so, that someone i wanna clarify things with... well, lets just say, i dunno how it is going! i passed her today...she still was...fearful...goddamnit... need time? i guess...i will wait... anyway, after i solve problems, i leave... and lead normal life again, wishing problems can always be resolved... hopefully...i gave up something for something...it just has got to work... it has to..

maybe next time, i will have to give up more things, even the things i value most, for something i will ever need... i just hope to make the world a happy place...make the place i live in, tranquil, that's all...

i havent admitted to her yet, but words just pass around like fire...burns and scars my skin...it hurts so... and now, i have to sarcrifice it for what is really needed, and i am ready...

i have once sworn an oath to protect all that are important to me...even if it meant death... i have some things that are dear to me... feelings, material items, maybe because they have some value in them, deep value, value that money cant buy, that only experience, love, hate, joy, sorrow, loss, gain, mostly bad than good, but i learn to cherish things i already have, although i am a litle slow in things

deleted the 5gb game! replaced it with something smaller! phew... i now have to hunt for more songs!

oh well...i have been planning, and have friends who planned for my playwrite, but it seems that it might never come? do i need to give something again?

sometimes, i wonder...do i have to keep on giving things? do i have to pity others all the time? do i serious need to help people all the time? i am known as a loofer, and someone who does not seem like he wants to do nything good for anyone...can i be accepted? trusted? but why is it that people still look for me? why is it that ironic?

life, as i know it, is unfair at times, and is fair too... like i said before, it is all these small bits that determine what life we have, and it is those small bits that makes life so interesting for all of us.

can i make her change her perception? can i continue to pity him forever? can i really trust them all? are they really using me?

sq, hope to change your perception real soon, know i am some kind of idiot to you right now, maybe i am really an idiot...i am sorry ffor that...i wont mess things again... hope so... will try...

nig, you have my pity, but do you deserve it? the others might not like that idea...

sam, naz, are you all sincere about helping me? somethimes i think i may be too hard on you guys, but i cant help it...but i feel guilty!

nel, wx, ksb, dun, ian, u sure i can be with you guys all the way? not just in sports?

ant, alow, junhao...u sure you not using me? i have been giving you answers all the time... shouldnt you be helping yourselves>

i have broken a policy to put names, but i just felt like it anyway...i feel better...its my own diary, it may not be secret, let it be difficult for me...i just hope the conversation stops here...

just like always...

really hope to escape it all, and run away...into the high heavens...

change skin! SOS!

2006-07-23T20:37:00.000+08:00

changed my skin! yarrh! i feel like a rocker now!!

and i need help! literature is too hard!!! YARRHHH!!!!

man, had a terrible weekend! played all the way through! and now, i am finding t hard to adjust to school again!

went back to sunday classes, to see through some lousy play production, with many bad comments from people who are not helpful...

went for apower run, and felt really great! though, i would really want to play a sport, like rugby...i really miss rugby, it was so fun when i played it last time!

ah anyway, problems to be resolved seem to be coming along okay, and i really hope to resolve problems real soon, esp with someone... hurry up resolve it and let me get back to business as usual!

my new toy is really going along fine, and now, i guess, i need to dump in a few more songs into my mp3, and make it good. tried listening to a really nasty radio station on my toy...it was...FUNNY! INDIAN RADIO STATIONS SOUND FUNNY!!! its as if they rapped their way through, and what my friend said was correct, learning hindi is...hopeless. so much for racial harmony...

anyway, playwriting is coming close...and i still have difficulty! those who have ideas to give had better give it to me fast, you promised me something, i will give you a really good play, melt your heart, bag a prize if possible, and make my name, and make my day! wow...

kairi isnt going too well...she still has a long way to go!!! i have spent 1 week on her so far...so much for rikku, he is done nyway, and yuna is waiting to be drawn...

oh well, downloaded more songs, and something tells me i should delete LOTR (game) from my pc, its 5gb and is taking up damn lots of space, much needed space! yarrh!!!

man, have a bad feeling that this week is going to be hell... i really dont want to go through that much...but what can i do...its life!

autumn wind

2006-07-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

yea man...noy its close to august!

autumn wind just blew in my face, i knew it, because it just smelled so sweet, with the tinge of oak in it. it was this morning... sadly this means that another year may be coming to a close.

summer is coming to a close, i can feel the sun's weakening rays, as if it were smile meekly at me... sigh, another year...

anyways, morning was not as rushing as before, but at least it was kind of new, for me to take a longer way to school... nothing much happened today, just that a friend of mine did not come, and we were speculating what he might give as an excuse, and teasing him...which i think was bad...my bad =P

i know i may be harsh, but i can be quite lenient, too lenient in fact...people wont like my sudden change to pity...others may rally me to hate something, i may seem like i do, but in the end, i dont...in fact, i pity the thing or person...its not fair sometimes!

life is just so promising when you look foward to things...

man...tomorrow, gotta rush homework, didnt even study today...except math and chem. and i played the whole day through! my bad^^ i think i would put a mental reminder to do some real serious work, so that everything....justifies...

if someone has fears towards something, its best to help that person clear it. and i mean it. its not good to leave poor impressins on people's minds, and if it ever happens, it should be solved, but with utmost care and patience. it may sound difficult, but i feel that through time, it would see changes...rushing wont do, from experience...rushing only works in one place - the rugby field...where rush means to trample the defences as if you were calvary! that's just so full of vigor! aw...well...clearing doubts, that doesnt seem like the best job of all, but it teaches me something...patience, tolerance, control...i know i cant do them sometimes, but it seems to...instill and...reinforce these values, as if they were keeping an eye on me...

i grow fearful by the hour, becase of...impending playwriting competition! havent received notification mail, no calls whatsoever...i think i will take matters into my own hands by calling if they dont give me a shout soon.

now... do you realize that if you want something, you must present something in equal trade?

to get something that you want, you must first present something of equal value before you can have anything...if you do anything, you must face the consequence...that is how this world runs... equal trade...it will seek you even if you do not proclaim it...you will pay even more if you run away...

thats for me... i really have to trade something now...for something of equal value..... trading liking...for understanding...cool so knowledgeable! no, it isnt the case...i really lost something to my...greed (different context), greed, or rather, liking...and to clear it, i must trade understanding...with time and patience as the very essence that garuantees it, ant the very thing that will perhaps ake it successful...

life is just so full of things to anticipate...its not the big things that make your life...its all the small things that make it so intereesting. as they say... "everything counts"!

happy ending

2006-07-21T16:00:00.000+08:00

finally, friday! and i am getting my mp3 later on!!!

yarrhhh!!! today was racial harmony day, where perople celebrated singapore's secular nature, blah blah, and the likes... they had some corny performances, and was contemplating if it would have been better to take phyics lessons instead.

we had double period PE today. penalty shootouts, and so on, but at a cost - sacrificing recess, which was difficult because i had to sneak out just to buy drinks.

i skipped training yesterday because i felt that it would be too rushing to go for english lessons at the British Council. theere, you learn loads, and i managed to seek help for the playriting cmpetition i am about to attend.

it is coming in a few weeks time, and i cant wait!

man, and recently, i get that kind of high feeling, where everything in my studies seemed to be well settled, but i wonder if that is the case...hmm...still! must work hard!

i had to roll back my pc a few days ago, and it was because i fiddled with glass2k. i think it should never be fiddled with again, but it is deleted anyways, so i might not have to worry for now!

i broke my specs aain!!! no, but i hope to get it repaired anyways. the last time, it was a scam, my pops took the wrong specs back and had to pay $90...haha, at least he got his refund, and i got my sight back again.

i have to go for extra lessons this saturday, and i think i should be trying real hard. anyways, it would be maths this weekend.

seems to me that my music is increasing exponentially, i just downloaded another 3 songs...singles, but not bad this time round. last time round i deleted one album and a single, because they suck. you never know what you listen to nowadays, at least in the past, i had something to look foward to, like a band name, but metal music is not my cup of tea nowadays, so i came to jpop for solace. its more soothing than black metal or doom metal, at least i like it, and problem is, the person who previously introduced me to metal doesnt respect that idea...too bad, but i like me the way i am now... by the way...she is one of my favourite singers, bonnie pink...

oh well, rushed through a test today, and i thought i was done for, and when i finished, i had about 5 minutes! the test was about the cold war, something about Russia, and the likes, and their leader, and their policies...luckily i had a friend help me out, plus i read through my notes, and with what i remembered from memorising the textbook, i hope to get something good from this one! even though it is a test, but it really is going to show where i stand. from there, well, maybe i will make some arangements.

i am being spammed with email!!! they are from the contacts i have, and also from the forums...i can understand the forums, and some of the contacts, but not from some junk site. i only used a small percentage of my email storage, and looks like MSN is treating me well! and i like that very much.

ah well, back to some gaming, before i go out!

kingdom hearts, the details are good, i will learn from it, perhaps incorporate it to what i already know, make my aresenal larger.

so tired...

2006-07-19T17:07:00.000+08:00

Man, had a busy day. Tomorrow is going to be one hell of a day too. And the only thing I can look forward to is getting my new mp3 on Friday…

Managed to turn on the comp because I felt I have not done myself mercy on one of the literature essays, and also, I want to print something, another project on a larger scale, so that I can draw on my spare time.

I submitted Rikku (right), though I broke my promise of finishing him within 2 months, he is done in like 2 weeks, but I had to wait for feelings and inspiration to flood in. for now, it would be Yuna and Kairi on my waiting list before I try that picture on a full scale. I am proud to say that this time, with the new style of inner mind practice, I could achieve Rikku, and he looks fabulous! I really think he is a sensation, and I think I may have to follow this same technique to see me through my future pictures!

Man, some friends are giving me some ideas for the pay…I feel that this time round, I am going to write something really good! I cant believe it! I am all pumped up even before the competition!

There is this girl I class, man, to think she still can’t really get okay with me, I mean, at least stop being so cold and stern! I don’t mind if nothing is achieved between us, I just want…peace… too bad… asked her for some papers, and she seemed so stern… is there no way to make up? I wont be after her I swear, but at least, we can start talking like normal people again like we once did, I would be really happy if that happened…that’s all…like normal people, like we’ve just met…that would be great…sq….

…Don’t be so mad…

Guess I am running out of songs to listen to soon…made a vow never to touch English songs again, but looks like, I might have to break my vow…but, Change and Stereoman are cool songs! Really like them, they were from nano compilation, Asian Kung Fu Generation.

Aw well, I might as well just look forward to another lesson at the British Council. There, the standards are high, and I am really benefiting from it, and I like it there, so full of intellectuals, but too serious sometimes, that I would feel awkward. But still, it does not hurt to pay a call on them, to seek council…

Just yesterday, I wrote a poem, under stress! Its called the shining red dot, for a competition of the same name. I was tasked with it some time ago, but I never really paid any attention, and I finished it in like half an hour…I tried to add a little old English feel and spice to it, so that it looks more…archaic, just my liking! Things related to magic, runes, everything…so archaic… but those are just speculation!

Just finished a download! Wonder if the song would sound nice…

So, just hoping someone would forgive me, for whatever I have done (I am even unsure of what it is! And looking forward to a future of many promising events! Vent after event, its all these small things hich makes life so meaningful!

Peace.

arghh!!!

2006-07-17T21:38:00.000+08:00

bad day!!! the workload i have is nuts, i rushed 4 literature work in one day!!! and i have ytet to do any math work...but i have some free period tomorro, perhaps, i would do some!

man, i really look foward to tomorrow...my form teacher's birthday is tomorrow, but i dont know how she will react, i just hope she does not scream at us for wasting precious time. she would be such a jerk to do that, i mean, we all forked out like $2 for this event! and if anything fails, i think i will rebuke at her, and walk out of class, period, perhaps not returning...

speaking of running away from class, i did that for biology, and i hate that teacher too...i wont mention names, i protect people's privace, and maintain their god given sanity...yea, at least i am still good at heart...good enough for myself!

i submitted to go for playriting competition, and it is in two weeks time!! 29-30 july!!! last year, when i went, it was gruelling...this year, i better have my mp3 with me...i am sure it is going to be gruelling again...i am getting ideas from good friends, and i seriously hope to win this time round!!! if i win, i might make the school proud, yea, why should i make them proud? its my own achievement afterall, bu at least give them a little credit for lending me an old laptop,even though it is old...yea...

there is this fanart competition on www.kh2.co.uk and i am taking part, wow! and i jined 2 forums in one day...wonder if it is good...i wanna know more people too!

i really am into kh stuff, for now, the details are hard enough to keep me intrigued, that is, their drawings! and if i can draw until i have exhausted the pictures for me to draw, i will move on...wonder where i will try and pit my improved skills at...just for me to remember, my skills will improve with every piece i draw, since, i correct the mistakes of the previous, and i will do that until my pictures are flawless...of course, it is still far away...far...far...away...but i'll wait!

anything holy shall be related to me! light shine wherever i walk, wings to lift me to greater heights, protector too...that's what i can truely associate with myself...

hey while writing on you, someone from FFF added me! how cool! more friends!!

make more friends! yea...

new skin! new week...

2006-07-16T20:00:00.000+08:00

yea, i know, new skin, i think it looks a little nice, so i got this one, instead of the black one...yea, it was boring...

the week is starting, and i had quite a weekend. went out, left my file at school, got power tuition and stuff, yea but still quite a weekend. now i am just taking time off to finish my blog entry, before it is too late, yea...

when i get back my file, i am gonna protect it real well, and make sure it does not get lost because of carelessness. hate to be careless, yea...

oh yea, my previous mp3 which i exchanged with my brother was a little broken, just had the screen cracked. now, i have impounded his mp3, unti i can gt a new one. possibly this friday! i cant wait! life is so full of things when your anticipating something. just have to please my mom all week! so easy! when i get the new mp3, i am really going to thank my mom and say i love you mom. come on, being filial seems to be not the in thing anymore, at least i still try to uphold it a little!

anyways, a friend of mine, nigel, got his blog spamed by someone using MYST, my diary name...maybe, dear diary, i should change tyour name...so...sonny, how do you like the name revelation? yea, u like it? me too, i like it!

hope my week will turn out real fine. dont want some shit happening to me all of a sudden...

and jane chng is gone for a week! that literature teacher is so biased to me, i wonder if she has any ulterior motive. but anyways, it is stll my duty to save the others from her wriath. she is extremely potent with her words. and i dont like the sound of her screamings, although i have never been screamed at before.

man, i am going to be soo extra ood this week...just hope i can really have a nice week, where its quiet, and i can do some follow up studies...

rats! math and history homework is undone! and there is no bio period on mondays! oh no!!!

oh by the way, i really like KH and their crew, they are cool, i may start drawing them, and then move on after that, this is such a good deed as tribute! just like i did GS, GSD.

Lousy Week!

2006-07-14T19:28:00.000+08:00

the week sux, what with running out of house early and coming home like a half dead man...finally got to use my computer!

anyway, workload has increased, and i dont know how can i do my math homework whn i lent someone my textbook. and i am studying real slowly, maybe i should speed up a little

just that this week, i, again, turned to shouting terapy to get some wind off me. really feels pissed if i do not shout at someone. since it is a policy for me not to reveal names, then, i should stick by it, i would not reveal who i shouted at.

anyway, i really hope i can get some time off soon, i am really going to die if i do not get anything good to do.

maybe i just shouldnt scrutinize a person's blog...

oh yea, i added cbox. something i think is cool...or rather, just helpful. i know few would read this blog, but still, it pays to have everything!

VISTA ROCKS! and i hate my week!

photo taking was the coolest. didnt get to stand with any girls (too bad! wahaha!) in the class photo, but i should have looked great with my MP3. i really like my MP3, cant really live without it, like ~~my precious....~~

the NCC one was WAY COOL! STOOD WITH SIR!!!

the training this week was so good, finally got to command some juniors, my dream, at least until i pass on to become a senior...hmm...sounds like passing on to the next world but i am not dying anyhow!

anyway, i would be buying all the photos, they should make excellent mementos. at least...

so, what should i say...hmm...i love my life? yea, even though it is so hectic, and troublesome, but you cant deny it, you still ned such troubles to live!

and one more thing...YUI and Rie Fu rocks! listened to their songs for a week, did not get sick! they enrich lives!

phey, i finally found a place for me to spend some boring free periods away...biology lessons actually. i still remember the incident as if it were yesterday... was argueing with the teacher, and i stormed out. hope it was quite a sensation, but it certainly made me a hobo...and i hate being a hobo, vagrants are suckers...they have no place to go...so, on this fateful wednesday, i syumbled upon the...canteen! i didnt know why i went there, but it seemed like a good place, so i sat down and dis some work. and guess what, it was good! cooling, and i can buy drinks. just today (friday) i tried a green drink which i have never tasted before, and did some intergration homework. really my dream of a quiet place!

oh well, just hoping for a quiet and peaceful weekend! as always!

peace.

monday blues...

2006-07-10T17:19:00.000+08:00

crap, i have to get up early and i hate to do that!

monday is around again, and rain in the morning does not help to add to the mood of the day, but i still rushed through my morning stuff as usual.

more bad things, double literature work, more revision to be done, and lots of work to hand in, and i still owe $5!!!

hate it when there is no mood, speaking of moods, it can really change a person, but for me, it just keeps on jumping around, even i cant catch it!

i am going to be dead busy this week, i guess... another busy week?!? luckily i printed ew pictures, i should be able to draw some, to pass some rest time, while i study, really hard this week! hope everything will go on well?

courage; bravery, and all that stands in life

2006-07-08T14:30:00.000+08:00

In life, it is in the small things that we all see, and in it, there is much to be found. For one, there is courage, sometimes minute to the smallest grain you would ever imagine, and it can be as large as you could think off. Likened to many things in life, courage can also be found in the various aspects and different times in life. Courage does not come just like that, although at some point of time, they do appear just like that, but otherwise, it is nurtured over time, through experience. It is detriment on what you do, or what you have encountered, or whatever that has happened to you.

At the start of a life, in infancy, perhaps, this is when this miraculous thing called courage starts to spawn. The child’s first step, taken when he learns to walk, it is just so stunning and awesome; every step is likened to that of an earthquake on the floor. Where we say stomping on holy ground, perhaps it may not be holy ground, but it is still a stomp, and is very significant about it, since that is the child’s first step, it must require a lot of courage behind it. To be able to brave a first step, amidst all the fear that you might fall, it is just stunning.

Then there was the first time one rode on a bike. It is just completely wonderful to see the child speeding down the sidewalk on a sunny Sunday, riding a bike – for the first time in his life. Doesn’t that just look nice? But doesn’t that require courage too? The courage needed for the child, to go against the fear of falling, it must be immense, and must have filled more than this world, to have the confidence to go against his greatest fears.

When the child makes his own journey for the first time, the first time he boarded the lift himself, took a public transport himself, went on a trip to the store alone. It must have been very frightening indeed, as if he were about to be spanked any moment, but this spanking is one that is headed for his heart, his feelings. Shouldn’t he just break down and cry? But he did not. He mustered the courage to carry on down to wherever the road takes him. Now, isn’t that just a show of the great powers of courage?

When the child is in elementary school, for the first time. He is insulted by those who were intimidating, and those that stood towering over him, kicking him around, bossing him around, and taking his seat off the swing, or snatching the ball from him. Now he had to endure all those nonsense, and had to endure every beating, cursing, swearing he received. It was like acid, and he had to swallow it and keep it in himself, and try not to be such a whimp in front of his aggressors. Now, isn’t that courage? If not, how would he be able to face those who stood in front, lording over him?

Another stage of life comes, and in this stage of life, the child turns into a young adult, a young man, though not really a man, but nearly there. He had to face a flurry of everything, responsibilities, insults, nagging, practically anything you can think, and all these were likened to bullets and bombs. If this was not a war, what was it? You had to fight for your own face, for your place in the society that tries to topple people and their image almost every single day. It is cruel, no? It had to be. And how in the world did the young man managed to stay as he is, and keep himself standing at the top? He must have had a lot of courage to stand up to all those bullets, fight as the field Marshall, at the front of battle; this must have been what he has been doing. Every one is a field Marshall of their forces, their forces being their own feelings. If you can lead your men on the charge that wins the war, hopefully, you just could live to see the next battle, and fight out every battle you encounter. And in the end, what did you find out? The young man did it humbly, though with a great deal of courage, but he only had a hat over his heart. Now, isn’t that just sheer courage? With what few resources he has, he wages a war of emotions, and image, and still is able to live through day by day. If that were not courage, then what could it be?

Weaknesses were the core thing that people picked on. They were hell bent on getting you down, and the best way was to pick on it. The weakness was there, for one to fondle it, so private, so hidden, so personal, it would be unwise to share it, even with a girlfriend, or boy friend. That would be a show that you are weak. To hide it, one had to bear everything, perhaps even put up a show to cover this truth; like a façade. And that alone, too, requires courage.

Sometimes, the courage could be just hovering there, and may be something difficult to accept. It may be like a coal you kept swallowing, always there, significant yet difficult to accept that. And to accept that, courage is needed too. Ironic, for you have to use courage to counter the difficulties of courage.

If a friend did something for you, at great costs on his part, then it is no longer the courage he shows. It is love, just plain love. Perhaps your girl would have sacrificed something on her part for you. Or your boyfriend may have just risked his life to save yours, from something nasty. Now, that is just love, and as plain as that. The love they show needs courage too, and without the courage to stand up and help you, it may well have been your life. Cowardice is not something to be fooled around with. Courage alone can do anything.

Perhaps later on in life, one would able to deal ore effectively with all the blows he receives in life. He may be able to just get over it as easily as it came, though it may be difficult to get rid of it. Likened to picking scabs off, from the heart, and perhaps having to hang them out like socks, and all these too, needs courage. To be able to deal with ones feelings and emotions effectively, it really needs courage, and only through that can one truly be able to lead a life without any worry for insults, for he can just shrug it off, bravely, openly.

However, all these hidden feelings, may well have been bottled up somewhere, and have been smothered by all the hate, greed, lust and anything bad and devious you can think off. It may have been hidden, and have been there all this while, but there might be no chance for its emergence, until one day, when one has received enough of all the floggings in life, he lashes back at it, in one powerful stroke, perhaps strong enough to end it all, and send the shockwave to the surroundings. People may find that this is a show of pure strength, or just a back lash after so many moons of harsh treatment, after all, what can a beaten dog do? Bite back of course. This alone needs courage, to forgo the fear of losing all that stood for him, and losing those precious assets. That had to be courage.

As life comes to a close, you will begin to express this courage more openly, and more effectively. This courage will stay with you, even until the harsh reality takes the very life from your lips, and leave you as nothing but a mere existence of the pass, a memory, then a legend, then a myth, then lost in the shrouds of time…

As the time goes by, experience will sharpen, and you will be blessed with knowledge of all that is around you. Wits will sharpen although guard will be lowered, as natural with an old person, who has not long more to live.

You will shower those whom are dear to you with love like never before, and love them so dearly, you hope never to lose them, or let anything happen to them. When a son falls ill or gets out of a job, or when a grandchild does badly in school, or gets into some trouble with society, will you not be saddened?

As you bargain with the calendar, hoping that you could still live to see a few more springs, then hoping to see you grandchildren go to school, then hoping to see them into university, then seeing them into marriage, then into the time to see your great grand children. This just never ends. And at such a juncture, you need courage to be able to bargain with the sands of time, shamelessly. You need courage once again, just like you have leaned against it for the past decades of your life.

Then comes the time when death comes to claim you, and you know that you have to leave. Perhaps your wishes are fulfilled, perhaps they aren’t. But whatever happens, you still need the courage to face death, and to be able to go to the far reaches of the neither world, and be able to accept the fact that you will be leaving behind those that you love, and they might not want you to leave so soon, but you still have to go, after all, men have to die someday…just a matter of when.

They always say that death is only a beginning. Only with courage, can you part with this world, and let go of all that you once had, of all that loved you, of everything you liked, or admired, and move on to another new journey, waiting for you in the afterlife.

Even till the end…courage has to be shown…is that in any way, the chivalry of mankind?

(Taken from one of y literature exercises, but I felt that I might have written something inspirational, and would like to remember it.)

weekends! and more "fun"

2006-07-07T22:14:00.000+08:00

finally, weekends are here! man i so love weekends, they give me time of to relax and perhaps to keep track of things, and plan for the next week...

hmm...lemme see, next week huh, what would i do... perhaps something very much like what i have been doing this week... but i have to agree that, other than switching blogs for the 3rd time in life, nothing else special has happened...

things are more fun if only something special happened...if only...sigh?

was just referring to all my previous stuff and realised that i was actually quite backdated, and i have to make do that gap in like, one month?

actually i feel quite bored.... maybe if i can find someone....i really feel more lonely...

hey, got some cool stuff i found...maybe this will cheer things up...haha

its nothing more than a picture or two, but it looks okay, favourite singers of mine, BONNIE PINK...

doesnt she just look great, (although not all her songs are nice)

some more, there is hitomi, and YUI...they make great stuff....if only i can find more of their stuff...somewhere...

better days...days...

2006-07-06T17:01:00.000+08:00

yea, got my specs back, and i really feel better. have been living like a blind rat for some time, and now that it is fixed, phew, what a relief.

maybe its kind of like the time i stepped up some effort to try and put some more brains into my head again. because i really feel that my studies are lagging behind. but, studying alone, it's just so...empty...

what's it like to feel empty? priests have talked about such a state, mental state they call it. in some teachings, and in the practise of yoga, you have to clear yyour mind...i guess that is what it feels like to be empty...

but seriously, what if the world were to be empty? devoid of everything we liked, of the people we love, the things we cherish...maybe, it is not such a good idea afterall...

so, i am trying vista as my OS on my comp now. it looks great, and is a charm too...only thing glass2k isnt too good. well, it just makes my computer look better, and the experience on my computer should be great. it feels like i have advanced a tech level! all this credit must go to a great friend i have known since i entered secondary school, the equivalent of college in some countries. his name is Anthony. no one can be better than him. he is way better than me in terms of...everything. but he is a humble and down to earth kind of guy, who jokes whenever possible, and is serious when it comes to work. is pro at games, a tech geek when it comes to computers, yea, everything you can ever dream of. he started my hobby of drawing, and got me interested in almost whatever he was doing. influence? perhaps, but i still like his slogan of "without computer games, i would not have become what i am today".

so much to him. i have to go search my own life, try and put the mess i have made into something great, cuz my life is a little of a mess right now, but that does not mean i am completely disorganised! i am just not doing the right things, and thats why my life needs a little cleanup. this comes at a crucial time though, and i hate to be doing two important things at the same time, but whats the use lamenting? i will try to do two at the same time, regardless of what happens then! solves everything!

looks like, evven in life's darkest moments, there is always light to be found, but only if you have the courage or/and the luck to find it!

have a nice life! i hope?

Man...

2006-07-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

sigh, broke my specs today! Imagine how to live without them!!! rrghh...

anyways, it sux to break something you need really dearly, especially since I cant see very far without my specs...

this DSA (direct school admission) thing, it is really getting on my nerves...I really don't know what school to go to, plus I need this system real bad, cuz I am a real lazy bloke, and what if something happens to my o lvls? You never know...

anyways, I was told to do my own reading up and stuff like that, which I will be doing, or else my future will be ruined...

speaking of the future, wonder what it is like. Since the only way to get there is to get there, there is no telling what might happen. maybe this makes life so interesting, or maybe, it just decides our fate for us. But this thing about fate, is it predestined or do we get to choose what we want? God knows what will happen to me tomorrow, unless I have things planned before hand, how in the world do I know when something is going to happen?

even fate may be playing with us. Fate itself, perhaps it may be for us to choose, or is already laid out, like a carpet, and the only way is to walk it, nice and slow. What you do, who you meet, who likes you, stuff like that, maybe, you cant really decide, but in a way, we have to create our own destiny.

they say, in Gundam SEED Destiny, that they will implement the Destiny Plan, something about enslaving the whole world under genetics, and rule them by their genes, and since your genes determine your fate, you don't need to fight wars, make love, see the people you like, or even to have our god given free will. Imagine that. It would be so autocratic.

imagine if our lives were to be led like this, I just wonder...maybe it is best to just keep the decision of our futures to ourselves. We have to create it, yes, and given the random nature of fate, maybe, just maybe, it will be the only thing of interest in our lives.

so, a hard day, more work to anticipate, but what can we do? It is all just fate?

maybe...?

jumping around

2006-07-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

Hate to jump from blog to blog, finally have to settle woth this one. MSN ain’t working, stuff ain’ workin out for me…

Anyway, maybe a little more about myself. Call me jen. Jen Lee is my pseudo name. and anything mecha is good for me…

Maybe I cant really write more for now, so I guess I will just quit writing for awhile. Maybe, just maybe when I have time…