Monday, July 31, 2006 ;
8:55 PM
Well...I survived!
The playwriting was real tough I can say...and it was grueling, but other than that, I think it is real fun to go there, what with all the people who are so adapt in the arts, and all the inspiration, the laughs, the partying, and the socializing!
A break through of what I happened...
Checked in, with my pass now, so pleased, but this year, it’s not a card, but looks great anyway. Walked in, collected my goodie bag, and stood around...did not know the people. And the shirt rawks!
Then came Keith...we talked a little, went up, found a place, settled down and stuff...and realized that he wont be in the same block as I am...aww...but he agreed to lend me his thumb drive...
Anyway...I met Cheong Wei and Shawn... they were real cool, and I bungled with them in a room...Shawn slept thru the first hour, then I did my piece...Sora was not called Sora yet, he was called Koji...and Kairi had her place... CW was banging his head...it was his first time writing a play. I pity him, and kinda think he was cool!
Then we went over the next room...wow! It was so fun! That’s when it was fun for the whole time...we talked...introduced...and the stimuli came...hand phone...oh...the first was “you are very funny, you know that?”...
Sam called at 7...she sounded okay...she was going to come...really looked forward to it!
The chrysanthemum tea was good...
Well...we talked, and ate together...and they were such funny people! Especially mama love...then I fired away until it was page 9...then I rested from 10 to 12, when the third stimulus was coming. Sora finally has his name...his friends take shape...his love life churning in my head...wonder when sq’s problem will be solved...nah...I got Sora’s love life to worry...stopped at somewhere like page 12
Called Kelly...talked...she sounded tired...she was my long time inspiration giver...like her for that...inspire me please?
We partied, and there was pizza and drinks and songs! Balcony was romantic...was talking to this Buddhist circle guy called Cell, really got to know each other real well...I like him!
Well...the third stimuli came as a shocker...”a gorilla gives a banana”. That really shook me off course, but I managed it anyway...it was real easy...Shawn was coming in and out...now e is missing...and CW is panicking...
Switched to coffee...CW made this weird brew of Lipton with coffee...3 in 1 mix...wonder if it works?
I fired away at 12, until 3, when I drew a little...its Yuna now...she looks kinda cute, but its just the beginning... when came, had this consensus that I could take off my clothes to sleep...and I slept...power napped...until 6...Sora is going overseas...their relation sours upon here...more violence...and page 22...
Woke up...people came in and out...went to look around...flipped on my laptop to inspire me, and closed it as soon as it was on...really listless...didn’t know what to do...
Then came breakfast...did not eat it...but I really felt full...from last night I guess...CW worked out 6 pages...Shawn is still missing...
Managed without breakfast, wrote more...approaching act 5 scene 3...very dangerous...don’t want that to happen...must incorporate scenes...people getting quiet...not as funny, but still able to make a few laughs...CW coming along fast...
Last stimulus...headache...really a headache...cant think and stuff...hate it...Sora gets the headache...he will meet Kairi...they kiss twice...wanted to make that 3, but cut on that...by the way...third stimulus was room with a teddy, dress...n stuff...
Finished by 12:30, went down for some grub after that...transferred my laptop, talked to someone...slept...until Sam called me...
She was at the station...coming here...did not know what to tell her...cant have her here...too risky...I don’t even know the place...tried to convince her to turn back...concerned, very worried...was angry...because my nap was interrupted...but I loved her...what could I do...had to tell her to go back...she told me to call her if there was anything...there was none Sam... I can tell you...I edited my script for like 2 hours, went around...made my final edit...went down! JUDGEMENT!
Printing time! Waited for CW to finish...printed mine...went up, packed my stuff, took one last look, said farewell to all...
Thank you all...inspiration was great...I loved it all!
And finally to sum up the competition...
“I want to line up the pieces...yours and mine...”
My blog line? Yes! I used it in my play...it’s a love story...lovely!
To those who helped me...thank you!
Back home, well...better...slept after watching shallow hal...
With the big problem...now must solve it
Talked to Dun Xin, he advised me...great man...
Tonight...I will forget him...
Won’t write his name in my blog anymore...his memory is a pain, affecting me too...
I am starting the ritual...chalk...oil...tome...calm mind...all ready...cant cram in my room...space problems again...don’t really care...only want to solve problems...I get hyper when I think of him, and that has become frequent...it’s a trauma actually, masked by hyper behavior...
Bye...the bad memories will pass...comes a new hope...asked someone to help me out again...it must work...it must...
I know it...once again...
light my way ♥
Friday, July 28, 2006 ;
7:08 PM
tomorrow is the big day! i am going Aloha Changni tomorrow! competition starts tomorrow at 4pm! cant wait! i am shaking like a kid.
got all the help i can get, and had a long week, waiting for this opportunity...the competition!
sam is visiting me great! i wont feel bad anymore, low morale will be bad!
the air is tense...i have memorised some part of the story i want to write, going through the important things in a play..wow, my head is spinning...i must play a game to relax now!
yea...still have focus tomorrow, looks like some people dont know
had a lot of songs, new ones to see me through the competition! yea, all to rock me through the race for the best results
i still think of her, how to solve the problem...it will have to take some time now, since my benefactoress has decided, not to help me now...i will do it, i know it...
just you wait!...shu qing!
anyway, i hope for the best...toast to my success! hail!
i feel the wings of words coming out now! its ready! yarrhhh!
hail!
light my way ♥
Wednesday, July 26, 2006 ;
4:44 PM
yea, i feel much better...
of course i do! got back my specs, so i dont have to crawl like a blind mouse...
there was this fiasco with the TheaterWorks people i had on monday...and it is...SOLVED! i am going Aloha Changni! yea man, and its a chalet too! cool yow! have near infinite stock of refreshments, and i have a real story prepared! i am all pumped up! yarrh!!
anyway, the problem with her isnt going too well, i can only say that preogress is slow, and somehow, i get the feeling that one day, i wil really have to tell her some stuff face to face, clear the doubts, move on, explain everything, clear everything, walk away as friends, no longer misunderstanding each other, prefer it to be like that, can talk like normal people...i know she can find someone better...i will watch...just as aways, eye in the sky...thats what all us oracles do...
i used to like her...gradually...she was so jumpy...then...the day came...i lost my honor... i felt i could no longer love anymore...i sacrificed my honor, for something i wanted...from then on, i could receive all the honor anyone can give, and i would take none, to preserve myself...to tell myself that honor brought only ruin...i sworn to give up evil, i had to do that... embrace the light, forgo my evil pursuits of past, so that i would not be past redemption...
i sought salvation...
thats why i decided to leave kelly...thats why i decided to forgo her...sq...shuqing... no other choice...i was filled with taint, hatred beyond the wildest imagination...i could not allow that...i did not want that
there went my hope...i sacrificed my hope, hope for greed, for pleasures that werent good for me...i let them go...sacrificed...
now came my prode, the recessant of the three...honor, hope, pride...
i let it go this very day, because i realized that it was my pride that kept me up...i had to stay up, only because of my standing with gods...
i sacrificed it...
no longer was i honored for honor, hoping for hopes, pride for pride....i let them go...sacrificed them...
thats why i am here, i dont want so much...i just let them go...and, i feel a little happire, to know that i no longer would be honorable, hopeful, or full of pride...because they would pull me down to a level, where i would not want to return to..
shuqing, sorry if there were any misunderstandings...that is all...
just hope to solve them, and walk on with life...wont feel so sad...at least, let me have a smile, a thin smile crawl across my face...please...?
the evening is beautiful...i love it...the setting sun, a smile trying its best to stay on my lips...
i wanna cry now......til the end of time... let honor, hope, pride, be washed from my soul...
i want to line the pieces up...yours...and mine....
shuqing...let me be truely free...free as always...
a scattered dream thats like a far-off memory, a far-off memory thats like a scattered dream...
thats you...shuqing...of the past...hope you understand...thanks...friend...^^
light my way ♥
Monday, July 24, 2006 ;
6:29 PM
i feel good all over again!
fact is that i dont have to worry so much actually...let my problems be solved!
fees great when you know what to do in your life...let some matters go...because it may be easier to just let go some times!
RARAROMVA! thats the line of the raging devil! oops, i hate devils...but vigor is in my spirit! always! yarrhh!
full of vigor! pumpin up me veins...feels so good sometimes...
so why the sudden change?
feels better anyway.
yarrhh!
here i stand...ready to take on the world...hopefully, i wont die trying to do so! oh well...
anyway, i am looking to another day of hell, let it pass, let it kill me, seraphs cant die, i am alligned with the high heavens...my soul is tranquil, and in peace. i fight for all that is holy, slayer of the darkness... let the eight wings of the seraph open! wing of words!!
that...is my destiny...who i really am...seraphim of the high heavens...wings of words flushing open, ready for flight, to fly into battle. the battle, with the darkness of destiny.
run forth!
really feel better knowing my destiny...to be one with the heavens!
wolverine blood running in my veins...vigor...rage of the berserkers...vigor...to move on...
light my way ♥
;
4:51 PM
crap! complications arize~~
it seems that the people at TheaterWorks may not have my aplication form for the playwriting competition...but looks like they gave me a chance, submit by tomorrow...if it works, i hope, cuz it must! i planned like mad!
oh well...i decided that literature was not so interesting, so, i slept through, and got scolded... oh really? we just chatted...and looks like problems can be solved through diplomacy...
so, that someone i wanna clarify things with... well, lets just say, i dunno how it is going! i passed her today...she still was...fearful...goddamnit... need time? i guess...i will wait... anyway, after i solve problems, i leave... and lead normal life again, wishing problems can always be resolved... hopefully...i gave up something for something...it just has got to work... it has to..
maybe next time, i will have to give up more things, even the things i value most, for something i will ever need... i just hope to make the world a happy place...make the place i live in, tranquil, that's all...
i havent admitted to her yet, but words just pass around like fire...burns and scars my skin...it hurts so... and now, i have to sarcrifice it for what is really needed, and i am ready...
i have once sworn an oath to protect all that are important to me...even if it meant death... i have some things that are dear to me... feelings, material items, maybe because they have some value in them, deep value, value that money cant buy, that only experience, love, hate, joy, sorrow, loss, gain, mostly bad than good, but i learn to cherish things i already have, although i am a litle slow in things
deleted the 5gb game! replaced it with something smaller! phew... i now have to hunt for more songs!
oh well...i have been planning, and have friends who planned for my playwrite, but it seems that it might never come? do i need to give something again?
sometimes, i wonder...do i have to keep on giving things? do i have to pity others all the time? do i serious need to help people all the time? i am known as a loofer, and someone who does not seem like he wants to do nything good for anyone...can i be accepted? trusted? but why is it that people still look for me? why is it that ironic?
life, as i know it, is unfair at times, and is fair too... like i said before, it is all these small bits that determine what life we have, and it is those small bits that makes life so interesting for all of us.
can i make her change her perception? can i continue to pity him forever? can i really trust them all? are they really using me?
sq, hope to change your perception real soon, know i am some kind of idiot to you right now, maybe i am really an idiot...i am sorry ffor that...i wont mess things again... hope so... will try...
nig, you have my pity, but do you deserve it? the others might not like that idea...
sam, naz, are you all sincere about helping me? somethimes i think i may be too hard on you guys, but i cant help it...but i feel guilty!
nel, wx, ksb, dun, ian, u sure i can be with you guys all the way? not just in sports?
ant, alow, junhao...u sure you not using me? i have been giving you answers all the time... shouldnt you be helping yourselves>
i have broken a policy to put names, but i just felt like it anyway...i feel better...its my own diary, it may not be secret, let it be difficult for me...i just hope the conversation stops here...
just like always...
really hope to escape it all, and run away...into the high heavens...
light my way ♥
Sunday, July 23, 2006 ;
8:37 PM
changed my skin! yarrh! i feel like a rocker now!!
and i need help! literature is too hard!!! YARRHHH!!!!
man, had a terrible weekend! played all the way through! and now, i am finding t hard to adjust to school again!
went back to sunday classes, to see through some lousy play production, with many bad comments from people who are not helpful...
went for apower run, and felt really great! though, i would really want to play a sport, like rugby...i really miss rugby, it was so fun when i played it last time!
ah anyway, problems to be resolved seem to be coming along okay, and i really hope to resolve problems real soon, esp with someone... hurry up resolve it and let me get back to business as usual!
my new toy is really going along fine, and now, i guess, i need to dump in a few more songs into my mp3, and make it good. tried listening to a really nasty radio station on my toy...it was...FUNNY! INDIAN RADIO STATIONS SOUND FUNNY!!! its as if they rapped their way through, and what my friend said was correct, learning hindi is...hopeless. so much for racial harmony...
anyway, playwriting is coming close...and i still have difficulty! those who have ideas to give had better give it to me fast, you promised me something, i will give you a really good play, melt your heart, bag a prize if possible, and make my name, and make my day! wow...
kairi isnt going too well...she still has a long way to go!!! i have spent 1 week on her so far...so much for rikku, he is done nyway, and yuna is waiting to be drawn...
oh well, downloaded more songs, and something tells me i should delete LOTR (game) from my pc, its 5gb and is taking up damn lots of space, much needed space! yarrh!!!
man, have a bad feeling that this week is going to be hell... i really dont want to go through that much...but what can i do...its life!
light my way ♥
Saturday, July 22, 2006 ;
10:11 PM
yea man...noy its close to august!
autumn wind just blew in my face, i knew it, because it just smelled so sweet, with the tinge of oak in it. it was this morning... sadly this means that another year may be coming to a close.
summer is coming to a close, i can feel the sun's weakening rays, as if it were smile meekly at me... sigh, another year...
anyways, morning was not as rushing as before, but at least it was kind of new, for me to take a longer way to school... nothing much happened today, just that a friend of mine did not come, and we were speculating what he might give as an excuse, and teasing him...which i think was bad...my bad =P
i know i may be harsh, but i can be quite lenient, too lenient in fact...people wont like my sudden change to pity...others may rally me to hate something, i may seem like i do, but in the end, i dont...in fact, i pity the thing or person...its not fair sometimes!
life is just so promising when you look foward to things...
man...tomorrow, gotta rush homework, didnt even study today...except math and chem. and i played the whole day through! my bad^^ i think i would put a mental reminder to do some real serious work, so that everything....justifies...
if someone has fears towards something, its best to help that person clear it. and i mean it. its not good to leave poor impressins on people's minds, and if it ever happens, it should be solved, but with utmost care and patience. it may sound difficult, but i feel that through time, it would see changes...rushing wont do, from experience...rushing only works in one place - the rugby field...where rush means to trample the defences as if you were calvary! that's just so full of vigor! aw...well...clearing doubts, that doesnt seem like the best job of all, but it teaches me something...patience, tolerance, control...i know i cant do them sometimes, but it seems to...instill and...reinforce these values, as if they were keeping an eye on me...
i grow fearful by the hour, becase of...impending playwriting competition! havent received notification mail, no calls whatsoever...i think i will take matters into my own hands by calling if they dont give me a shout soon.
now... do you realize that if you want something, you must present something in equal trade?
to get something that you want, you must first present something of equal value before you can have anything...if you do anything, you must face the consequence...that is how this world runs... equal trade...it will seek you even if you do not proclaim it...you will pay even more if you run away...
thats for me... i really have to trade something now...for something of equal value..... trading liking...for understanding...cool so knowledgeable! no, it isnt the case...i really lost something to my...greed (different context), greed, or rather, liking...and to clear it, i must trade understanding...with time and patience as the very essence that garuantees it, ant the very thing that will perhaps ake it successful...
life is just so full of things to anticipate...its not the big things that make your life...its all the small things that make it so intereesting. as they say... "everything counts"! 
light my way ♥
Friday, July 21, 2006 ;
4:00 PM
finally, friday! and i am getting my mp3 later on!!!
yarrhhh!!! today was racial harmony day, where perople celebrated singapore's secular nature, blah blah, and the likes... they had some corny performances, and was contemplating if it would have been better to take phyics lessons instead.
we had double period PE today. penalty shootouts, and so on, but at a cost - sacrificing recess, which was difficult because i had to sneak out just to buy drinks.
i skipped training yesterday because i felt that it would be too rushing to go for english lessons at the British Council. theere, you learn loads, and i managed to seek help for the playriting cmpetition i am about to attend.
it is coming in a few weeks time, and i cant wait!
man, and recently, i get that kind of high feeling, where everything in my studies seemed to be well settled, but i wonder if that is the case...hmm...still! must work hard!
i had to roll back my pc a few days ago, and it was because i fiddled with glass2k. i think it should never be fiddled with again, but it is deleted anyways, so i might not have to worry for now!
i broke my specs aain!!! no, but i hope to get it repaired anyways. the last time, it was a scam, my pops took the wrong specs back and had to pay $90...haha, at least he got his refund, and i got my sight back again.
i have to go for extra lessons this saturday, and i think i should be trying real hard. anyways, it would be maths this weekend.
seems to me that my music is increasing exponentially, i just downloaded another 3 songs...singles, but not bad this time round. last time round i deleted one album and a single, because they suck. you never know what you listen to nowadays, at least in the past, i had something to look foward to, like a band name, but metal music is not my cup of tea nowadays, so i came to jpop for solace. its more soothing than black metal or doom metal, at least i like it, and problem is, the person who previously introduced me to metal doesnt respect that idea...too bad, but i like me the way i am now... by the way...she is one of my favourite singers, bonnie pink...
oh well, rushed through a test today, and i thought i was done for, and when i finished, i had about 5 minutes! the test was about the cold war, something about Russia, and the likes, and their leader, and their policies...luckily i had a friend help me out, plus i read through my notes, and with what i remembered from memorising the textbook, i hope to get something good from this one! even though it is a test, but it really is going to show where i stand. from there, well, maybe i will make some arangements.
i am being spammed with email!!! they are from the contacts i have, and also from the forums...i can understand the forums, and some of the contacts, but not from some junk site. i only used a small percentage of my email storage, and looks like MSN is treating me well! and i like that very much.
ah well, back to some gaming, before i go out!
kingdom hearts, the details are good, i will learn from it, perhaps incorporate it to what i already know, make my aresenal larger.
light my way ♥
Wednesday, July 19, 2006 ;
5:07 PM
Man, had a busy day. Tomorrow is going to be one hell of a day too. And the only thing I can look forward to is getting my new mp3 on Friday…
Managed to turn on the comp because I felt I have not done myself mercy on one of the literature essays, and also, I want to print something, another project on a larger scale, so that I can draw on my spare time.
I submitted Rikku (right), though I broke my promise of finishing him within 2 months, he is done in like 2 weeks, but I had to wait for feelings and inspiration to flood in. for now, it would be Yuna and Kairi on my waiting list before I try that picture on a full scale. I am proud to say that this time, with the new style of inner mind practice, I could achieve Rikku, and he looks fabulous! I really think he is a sensation, and I think I may have to follow this same technique to see me through my future pictures!
Man, some friends are giving me some ideas for the pay…I feel that this time round, I am going to write something really good! I cant believe it! I am all pumped up even before the competition!
There is this girl I class, man, to think she still can’t really get okay with me, I mean, at least stop being so cold and stern! I don’t mind if nothing is achieved between us, I just want…peace… too bad… asked her for some papers, and she seemed so stern… is there no way to make up? I wont be after her I swear, but at least, we can start talking like normal people again like we once did, I would be really happy if that happened…that’s all…like normal people, like we’ve just met…that would be great…sq….
…Don’t be so mad…
Guess I am running out of songs to listen to soon…made a vow never to touch English songs again, but looks like, I might have to break my vow…but, Change and Stereoman are cool songs! Really like them, they were from nano compilation, Asian Kung Fu Generation.
Aw well, I might as well just look forward to another lesson at the British Council. There, the standards are high, and I am really benefiting from it, and I like it there, so full of intellectuals, but too serious sometimes, that I would feel awkward. But still, it does not hurt to pay a call on them, to seek council…
Just yesterday, I wrote a poem, under stress! Its called the shining red dot, for a competition of the same name. I was tasked with it some time ago, but I never really paid any attention, and I finished it in like half an hour…I tried to add a little old English feel and spice to it, so that it looks more…archaic, just my liking! Things related to magic, runes, everything…so archaic… but those are just speculation!
Just finished a download! Wonder if the song would sound nice…
So, just hoping someone would forgive me, for whatever I have done (I am even unsure of what it is! And looking forward to a future of many promising events! Vent after event, its all these small things hich makes life so meaningful!
Peace.
light my way ♥
Monday, July 17, 2006 ;
9:38 PM
bad day!!! the workload i have is nuts, i rushed 4 literature work in one day!!! and i have ytet to do any math work...but i have some free period tomorro, perhaps, i would do some!
man, i really look foward to tomorrow...my form teacher's birthday is tomorrow, but i dont know how she will react, i just hope she does not scream at us for wasting precious time. she would be such a jerk to do that, i mean, we all forked out like $2 for this event! and if anything fails, i think i will rebuke at her, and walk out of class, period, perhaps not returning...
speaking of running away from class, i did that for biology, and i hate that teacher too...i wont mention names, i protect people's privace, and maintain their god given sanity...yea, at least i am still good at heart...good enough for myself!
i submitted to go for playriting competition, and it is in two weeks time!! 29-30 july!!! last year, when i went, it was gruelling...this year, i better have my mp3 with me...i am sure it is going to be gruelling again...i am getting ideas from good friends, and i seriously hope to win this time round!!! if i win, i might make the school proud, yea, why should i make them proud? its my own achievement afterall, bu at least give them a little credit for lending me an old laptop,even though it is old...yea...
there is this fanart competition on www.kh2.co.uk and i am taking part, wow! and i jined 2 forums in one day...wonder if it is good...i wanna know more people too!
i really am into kh stuff, for now, the details are hard enough to keep me intrigued, that is, their drawings! and if i can draw until i have exhausted the pictures for me to draw, i will move on...wonder where i will try and pit my improved skills at...just for me to remember, my skills will improve with every piece i draw, since, i correct the mistakes of the previous, and i will do that until my pictures are flawless...of course, it is still far away...far...far...away...but i'll wait!
anything holy shall be related to me! light shine wherever i walk, wings to lift me to greater heights, protector too...that's what i can truely associate with myself...
hey while writing on you, someone from FFF added me! how cool! more friends!!
make more friends! yea...
light my way ♥
Sunday, July 16, 2006 ;
8:00 PM
yea, i know, new skin, i think it looks a little nice, so i got this one, instead of the black one...yea, it was boring...
the week is starting, and i had quite a weekend. went out, left my file at school, got power tuition and stuff, yea but still quite a weekend. now i am just taking time off to finish my blog entry, before it is too late, yea...
when i get back my file, i am gonna protect it real well, and make sure it does not get lost because of carelessness. hate to be careless, yea...
oh yea, my previous mp3 which i exchanged with my brother was a little broken, just had the screen cracked. now, i have impounded his mp3, unti i can gt a new one. possibly this friday! i cant wait! life is so full of things when your anticipating something. just have to please my mom all week! so easy! when i get the new mp3, i am really going to thank my mom and say i love you mom. come on, being filial seems to be not the in thing anymore, at least i still try to uphold it a little!
anyways, a friend of mine, nigel, got his blog spamed by someone using MYST, my diary name...maybe, dear diary, i should change tyour name...so...sonny, how do you like the name revelation? yea, u like it? me too, i like it!
hope my week will turn out real fine. dont want some shit happening to me all of a sudden...
and jane chng is gone for a week! that literature teacher is so biased to me, i wonder if she has any ulterior motive. but anyways, it is stll my duty to save the others from her wriath. she is extremely potent with her words. and i dont like the sound of her screamings, although i have never been screamed at before.
man, i am going to be soo extra ood this week...just hope i can really have a nice week, where its quiet, and i can do some follow up studies...
rats! math and history homework is undone! and there is no bio period on mondays! oh no!!!
oh by the way, i really like KH and their crew, they are cool, i may start drawing them, and then move on after that, this is such a good deed as tribute! just like i did GS, GSD.
light my way ♥
Friday, July 14, 2006 ;
7:28 PM
the week sux, what with running out of house early and coming home like a half dead man...finally got to use my computer!
anyway, workload has increased, and i dont know how can i do my math homework whn i lent someone my textbook. and i am studying real slowly, maybe i should speed up a little
just that this week, i, again, turned to shouting terapy to get some wind off me. really feels pissed if i do not shout at someone. since it is a policy for me not to reveal names, then, i should stick by it, i would not reveal who i shouted at.
anyway, i really hope i can get some time off soon, i am really going to die if i do not get anything good to do.
maybe i just shouldnt scrutinize a person's blog...
oh yea, i added cbox. something i think is cool...or rather, just helpful. i know few would read this blog, but still, it pays to have everything!
VISTA ROCKS! and i hate my week!
photo taking was the coolest. didnt get to stand with any girls (too bad! wahaha!) in the class photo, but i should have looked great with my MP3. i really like my MP3, cant really live without it, like ~~my precious....~~
the NCC one was WAY COOL! STOOD WITH SIR!!!
the training this week was so good, finally got to command some juniors, my dream, at least until i pass on to become a senior...hmm...sounds like passing on to the next world but i am not dying anyhow!
anyway, i would be buying all the photos, they should make excellent mementos. at least...
so, what should i say...hmm...i love my life? yea, even though it is so hectic, and troublesome, but you cant deny it, you still ned such troubles to live!
and one more thing...YUI and Rie Fu rocks! listened to their songs for a week, did not get sick! they enrich lives!
phey, i finally found a place for me to spend some boring free periods away...biology lessons actually. i still remember the incident as if it were yesterday... was argueing with the teacher, and i stormed out. hope it was quite a sensation, but it certainly made me a hobo...and i hate being a hobo, vagrants are suckers...they have no place to go...so, on this fateful wednesday, i syumbled upon the...canteen! i didnt know why i went there, but it seemed like a good place, so i sat down and dis some work. and guess what, it was good! cooling, and i can buy drinks. just today (friday) i tried a green drink which i have never tasted before, and did some intergration homework. really my dream of a quiet place!
oh well, just hoping for a quiet and peaceful weekend! as always!
peace.
light my way ♥
Monday, July 10, 2006 ;
5:19 PM
crap, i have to get up early and i hate to do that!
monday is around again, and rain in the morning does not help to add to the mood of the day, but i still rushed through my morning stuff as usual.
more bad things, double literature work, more revision to be done, and lots of work to hand in, and i still owe $5!!!
hate it when there is no mood, speaking of moods, it can really change a person, but for me, it just keeps on jumping around, even i cant catch it!
i am going to be dead busy this week, i guess... another busy week?!? luckily i printed ew pictures, i should be able to draw some, to pass some rest time, while i study, really hard this week! hope everything will go on well?
light my way ♥
Saturday, July 08, 2006 ;
2:30 PM
In life, it is in the small things that we all see, and in it, there is much to be found. For one, there is courage, sometimes minute to the smallest grain you would ever imagine, and it can be as large as you could think off. Likened to many things in life, courage can also be found in the various aspects and different times in life. Courage does not come just like that, although at some point of time, they do appear just like that, but otherwise, it is nurtured over time, through experience. It is detriment on what you do, or what you have encountered, or whatever that has happened to you.
At the start of a life, in infancy, perhaps, this is when this miraculous thing called courage starts to spawn. The child’s first step, taken when he learns to walk, it is just so stunning and awesome; every step is likened to that of an earthquake on the floor. Where we say stomping on holy ground, perhaps it may not be holy ground, but it is still a stomp, and is very significant about it, since that is the child’s first step, it must require a lot of courage behind it. To be able to brave a first step, amidst all the fear that you might fall, it is just stunning.
Then there was the first time one rode on a bike. It is just completely wonderful to see the child speeding down the sidewalk on a sunny Sunday, riding a bike – for the first time in his life. Doesn’t that just look nice? But doesn’t that require courage too? The courage needed for the child, to go against the fear of falling, it must be immense, and must have filled more than this world, to have the confidence to go against his greatest fears.
When the child makes his own journey for the first time, the first time he boarded the lift himself, took a public transport himself, went on a trip to the store alone. It must have been very frightening indeed, as if he were about to be spanked any moment, but this spanking is one that is headed for his heart, his feelings. Shouldn’t he just break down and cry? But he did not. He mustered the courage to carry on down to wherever the road takes him. Now, isn’t that just a show of the great powers of courage?
When the child is in elementary school, for the first time. He is insulted by those who were intimidating, and those that stood towering over him, kicking him around, bossing him around, and taking his seat off the swing, or snatching the ball from him. Now he had to endure all those nonsense, and had to endure every beating, cursing, swearing he received. It was like acid, and he had to swallow it and keep it in himself, and try not to be such a whimp in front of his aggressors. Now, isn’t that courage? If not, how would he be able to face those who stood in front, lording over him?
Another stage of life comes, and in this stage of life, the child turns into a young adult, a young man, though not really a man, but nearly there. He had to face a flurry of everything, responsibilities, insults, nagging, practically anything you can think, and all these were likened to bullets and bombs. If this was not a war, what was it? You had to fight for your own face, for your place in the society that tries to topple people and their image almost every single day. It is cruel, no? It had to be. And how in the world did the young man managed to stay as he is, and keep himself standing at the top? He must have had a lot of courage to stand up to all those bullets, fight as the field Marshall, at the front of battle; this must have been what he has been doing. Every one is a field Marshall of their forces, their forces being their own feelings. If you can lead your men on the charge that wins the war, hopefully, you just could live to see the next battle, and fight out every battle you encounter. And in the end, what did you find out? The young man did it humbly, though with a great deal of courage, but he only had a hat over his heart. Now, isn’t that just sheer courage? With what few resources he has, he wages a war of emotions, and image, and still is able to live through day by day. If that were not courage, then what could it be?
Weaknesses were the core thing that people picked on. They were hell bent on getting you down, and the best way was to pick on it. The weakness was there, for one to fondle it, so private, so hidden, so personal, it would be unwise to share it, even with a girlfriend, or boy friend. That would be a show that you are weak. To hide it, one had to bear everything, perhaps even put up a show to cover this truth; like a façade. And that alone, too, requires courage.
Sometimes, the courage could be just hovering there, and may be something difficult to accept. It may be like a coal you kept swallowing, always there, significant yet difficult to accept that. And to accept that, courage is needed too. Ironic, for you have to use courage to counter the difficulties of courage.
If a friend did something for you, at great costs on his part, then it is no longer the courage he shows. It is love, just plain love. Perhaps your girl would have sacrificed something on her part for you. Or your boyfriend may have just risked his life to save yours, from something nasty. Now, that is just love, and as plain as that. The love they show needs courage too, and without the courage to stand up and help you, it may well have been your life. Cowardice is not something to be fooled around with. Courage alone can do anything.
Perhaps later on in life, one would able to deal ore effectively with all the blows he receives in life. He may be able to just get over it as easily as it came, though it may be difficult to get rid of it. Likened to picking scabs off, from the heart, and perhaps having to hang them out like socks, and all these too, needs courage. To be able to deal with ones feelings and emotions effectively, it really needs courage, and only through that can one truly be able to lead a life without any worry for insults, for he can just shrug it off, bravely, openly.
However, all these hidden feelings, may well have been bottled up somewhere, and have been smothered by all the hate, greed, lust and anything bad and devious you can think off. It may have been hidden, and have been there all this while, but there might be no chance for its emergence, until one day, when one has received enough of all the floggings in life, he lashes back at it, in one powerful stroke, perhaps strong enough to end it all, and send the shockwave to the surroundings. People may find that this is a show of pure strength, or just a back lash after so many moons of harsh treatment, after all, what can a beaten dog do? Bite back of course. This alone needs courage, to forgo the fear of losing all that stood for him, and losing those precious assets. That had to be courage.
As life comes to a close, you will begin to express this courage more openly, and more effectively. This courage will stay with you, even until the harsh reality takes the very life from your lips, and leave you as nothing but a mere existence of the pass, a memory, then a legend, then a myth, then lost in the shrouds of time…
As the time goes by, experience will sharpen, and you will be blessed with knowledge of all that is around you. Wits will sharpen although guard will be lowered, as natural with an old person, who has not long more to live.
You will shower those whom are dear to you with love like never before, and love them so dearly, you hope never to lose them, or let anything happen to them. When a son falls ill or gets out of a job, or when a grandchild does badly in school, or gets into some trouble with society, will you not be saddened?
As you bargain with the calendar, hoping that you could still live to see a few more springs, then hoping to see you grandchildren go to school, then hoping to see them into university, then seeing them into marriage, then into the time to see your great grand children. This just never ends. And at such a juncture, you need courage to be able to bargain with the sands of time, shamelessly. You need courage once again, just like you have leaned against it for the past decades of your life.
Then comes the time when death comes to claim you, and you know that you have to leave. Perhaps your wishes are fulfilled, perhaps they aren’t. But whatever happens, you still need the courage to face death, and to be able to go to the far reaches of the neither world, and be able to accept the fact that you will be leaving behind those that you love, and they might not want you to leave so soon, but you still have to go, after all, men have to die someday…just a matter of when.
They always say that death is only a beginning. Only with courage, can you part with this world, and let go of all that you once had, of all that loved you, of everything you liked, or admired, and move on to another new journey, waiting for you in the afterlife.
Even till the end…courage has to be shown…is that in any way, the chivalry of mankind?
(Taken from one of y literature exercises, but I felt that I might have written something inspirational, and would like to remember it.)
light my way ♥
Friday, July 07, 2006 ;
10:14 PM
finally, weekends are here! man i so love weekends, they give me time of to relax and perhaps to keep track of things, and plan for the next week...
hmm...lemme see, next week huh, what would i do... perhaps something very much like what i have been doing this week... but i have to agree that, other than switching blogs for the 3rd time in life, nothing else special has happened...
things are more fun if only something special happened...if only...sigh?
was just referring to all my previous stuff and realised that i was actually quite backdated, and i have to make do that gap in like, one month?
actually i feel quite bored.... maybe if i can find someone....i really feel more lonely...
hey, got some cool stuff i found...maybe this will cheer things up...haha
its nothing more than a picture or two, but it looks okay, favourite singers of mine, BONNIE PINK...
doesnt she just look great, (although not all her songs are nice)
some more, there is hitomi, and YUI...they make great stuff....if only i can find more of their stuff...somewhere...
light my way ♥
Thursday, July 06, 2006 ;
5:01 PM
yea, got my specs back, and i really feel better. have been living like a blind rat for some time, and now that it is fixed, phew, what a relief.
maybe its kind of like the time i stepped up some effort to try and put some more brains into my head again. because i really feel that my studies are lagging behind. but, studying alone, it's just so...empty...
what's it like to feel empty? priests have talked about such a state, mental state they call it. in some teachings, and in the practise of yoga, you have to clear yyour mind...i guess that is what it feels like to be empty...
but seriously, what if the world were to be empty? devoid of everything we liked, of the people we love, the things we cherish...maybe, it is not such a good idea afterall...
so, i am trying vista as my OS on my comp now. it looks great, and is a charm too...only thing glass2k isnt too good. well, it just makes my computer look better, and the experience on my computer should be great. it feels like i have advanced a tech level! all this credit must go to a great friend i have known since i entered secondary school, the equivalent of college in some countries. his name is Anthony. no one can be better than him. he is way better than me in terms of...everything. but he is a humble and down to earth kind of guy, who jokes whenever possible, and is serious when it comes to work. is pro at games, a tech geek when it comes to computers, yea, everything you can ever dream of. he started my hobby of drawing, and got me interested in almost whatever he was doing. influence? perhaps, but i still like his slogan of "without computer games, i would not have become what i am today".
so much to him. i have to go search my own life, try and put the mess i have made into something great, cuz my life is a little of a mess right now, but that does not mean i am completely disorganised! i am just not doing the right things, and thats why my life needs a little cleanup. this comes at a crucial time though, and i hate to be doing two important things at the same time, but whats the use lamenting? i will try to do two at the same time, regardless of what happens then! solves everything!
looks like, evven in life's darkest moments, there is always light to be found, but only if you have the courage or/and the luck to find it!
have a nice life! i hope?
light my way ♥
Tuesday, July 04, 2006 ;
5:22 PM
sigh, broke my specs today! Imagine how to live without them!!! rrghh...
anyways, it sux to break something you need really dearly, especially since I cant see very far without my specs...
this DSA (direct school admission) thing, it is really getting on my nerves...I really don't know what school to go to, plus I need this system real bad, cuz I am a real lazy bloke, and what if something happens to my o lvls? You never know...
anyways, I was told to do my own reading up and stuff like that, which I will be doing, or else my future will be ruined...
speaking of the future, wonder what it is like. Since the only way to get there is to get there, there is no telling what might happen. maybe this makes life so interesting, or maybe, it just decides our fate for us. But this thing about fate, is it predestined or do we get to choose what we want? God knows what will happen to me tomorrow, unless I have things planned before hand, how in the world do I know when something is going to happen?
even fate may be playing with us. Fate itself, perhaps it may be for us to choose, or is already laid out, like a carpet, and the only way is to walk it, nice and slow. What you do, who you meet, who likes you, stuff like that, maybe, you cant really decide, but in a way, we have to create our own destiny.
they say, in Gundam SEED Destiny, that they will implement the Destiny Plan, something about enslaving the whole world under genetics, and rule them by their genes, and since your genes determine your fate, you don't need to fight wars, make love, see the people you like, or even to have our god given free will. Imagine that. It would be so autocratic.
imagine if our lives were to be led like this, I just wonder...maybe it is best to just keep the decision of our futures to ourselves. We have to create it, yes, and given the random nature of fate, maybe, just maybe, it will be the only thing of interest in our lives.
so, a hard day, more work to anticipate, but what can we do? It is all just fate?
maybe...?
light my way ♥
Monday, July 03, 2006 ;
9:36 PM
Hate to jump from blog to blog, finally have to settle woth this one. MSN ain’t working, stuff ain’ workin out for me…
Anyway, maybe a little more about myself. Call me jen. Jen Lee is my pseudo name. and anything mecha is good for me…
Maybe I cant really write more for now, so I guess I will just quit writing for awhile. Maybe, just maybe when I have time…
light my way ♥
