Monday, August 28, 2006 ;
8:07 PM
they are up!! all the 4E1 class pphotos! all up! haha...go flickr n see them all!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35327514@N00/show/http://www.flickr.com/photos/31257433@N00/show/non 4E1ers are not allowed btw...haha
you guys r rockers! i like u all man
now, i need to fix up my literature work, and also to fix up the tagboard...
by the way, if the photos, good or bad, comments leave them on the taggie! thanks! haha
peace to all! and rehearsal was a breeze today! good work guys! make sure u all do some good work, make a sensation on thursday! i am shaking like a kid now! haha! where is my drum set!!!
enjoy guys, by the way, i took out some pics, too lousy, and takes up too much space
light my way ♥
Sunday, August 27, 2006 ;
10:03 PM
lmao, havent blogged in weeks...
so this are the events that happened to me...
1.) did not blog for a long time
2.) sq still hates me
3.) agreed to work on sth for teachers day
4.) can't play CABAL
5.) don't wanna play CABAL anyway
6.) broke my little finger
7.) can't draw
8.) gotta face a class
9.) FGPT was fun
10.) lvling was slow due to lack of time
11.) my old gran gives me some problems, all the time
12.) still got problems posting 73 pics for my class
13.) havent studied really enough, only adequate
14.) i hate myself!
15.) i am still coping though...wont break down, i am not jelly btw
16.) class T shirt is pending
17.) i designed part of it!
18.) i feel like a rocker
19.) i have open canvass lalala
20.) comp trouble bugs me
haha, those sum up what i have done
can still use my comp for work though... and i think its time to take real drastic action!
and farewell to pluto! sorry dude, u couldnt stay!
light my way ♥
Monday, August 21, 2006 ;
9:05 PM
very short time to post something...
anyway, i changed my blog skin again...
much has happened actually...
can play cabal...but decided against it, quite lag actually...and whats more, i am playing pristontale now...its a private server, makes me laugh anyway...
school's getting boring...august fanart competition coming up from
www.kh2.co.uk amd i have to keep up my pace with the art piece halfway...yea...this will be the first time i do one myself... and with little reference...and i am coloring it! with opencanvas plus v4.06 haha...managed to crack it! ant u will want it i know...
finished lots of hw...and i started full gear in studying now...hope it really works...i will slack in school and work at home as a rule...
other than that, life is okay for me now...i like it that way!
^^
light my way ♥
Monday, August 14, 2006 ;
9:34 PM
lmao, tomorrow i am going to tell her straight in the face that i am giving up...i dont want to carry on anymore, i feel very lost and i feel that i must protect my rights also, cant be going around saving and being there for someone when i cant even handle my self...
seemingly improved in typing, can type without looking at the keyboard, but still make some mistakes, and it is harder to type when your eyes are afk...
just to reflect, i did say that i wouldnt like someone because of her looks, but this time i go back on my word...also, when we arrange to talk, she would be late, and i hate that, because it spoils all the meaning, and i will be left fuming all over again...moreover, she is taking a low profile, and i hate to hide stuff from people, that is soething cannot condone...i cant be there for her all the time, and everything just hurts for me...so unfair to me...also, if the relationship goes on, i cannot have freedom of expression on my blogs! she has censored some of my entries, forcing me to delete sections where applicable to her, ONLY! and what the hell, and i say literally, oh shit, why in the F**king world are you medelling with my blog? my freaking blog is for me and i reserve the rights, in fact, all the bloody rights for myself...
not to be harsh though, but i feel that i have no god damn space...
well, dear blog, thats how i curse, cuss, swear when i get, what they call, pissed...
perhaps i should start treating my blog like another person, because i feel better ouring my heart out to you.
so well, i am giving up, not that i dont care any more, but i want my freedom again, and i wanna move on, i just hate to have the rights taken off me...knowing all these, she will take my name off her blog list, and i wont be able to enter again, knowing her, she will defend the name: krelian, where i hae deleted, and i wish to put up again:
i am krelian! seraphim of the high heavens, defender and protector...
i want to fly high in the skys, or just flow down the river that's life...i wanna move on, i dont want to stay with a place which has rejected me once...i want to move on...and concentrate on the here and now...
i regret, because this will seem like i am not taking responsibility...she goes counselling, because she has a proble, - sucide...she asked me once whether she should take sleeping pills, and how many it would take to kill someone, thats when i knew things werent good, and i chipped in, and i got myself into such a state, and i feel that all these has all gone horribly wrong...of course those were censored too, so much for freedom of speech...
she said she liked me after i consoled her and made her think otherwise about the sleeping pills thingy...
there is a book, called an enemy of the people, which i do for literature...i feel like i am somewhat related to the book now...no freedom of speech and the likes, and i feel very bad about it, and i hate it all! i have been censored, and marred, and made to keep a low profile...
she goes for counselling......shouldnt that be reserved for the worst of cases? anyway, she was referred by a teacher...and well, i just have to say, i disagree with it all...just so freaking mad...
i am going to remove my tagboard real soon, no comments will flood there for some time again, i know she will flood it, with all the criticism and i would hate myself...
to all who still trust me: i am not irresponsible...i waited 1 year, infact, i gave up trying to tell her my true feelings last year...and i feel it pointless to carry on...afterall, puppy love lasts short...hate to leave it, but you feel way better after you leave...
to samantha, take care...i dont know how you will have to cope, maybe she will go caustic and go back to her old self again. i have done what i can to make her happy, and i know, i am leaving just like that, very irresponsible i know, but needed, i setill want my rights, and i feel that she should be okay by now...i know she may have less friends, but i will still be there, only as a friend, as an ordinary person...i am very frank, and i will always be...
as for the sq problem, she gets caustic too, when she sees me...i dont want to care any more, i want to put it all behind me...and if she ever reads this...i want to move on, i dont want to give bad impression, i just want to lead a life of my own now, i wont bother any more...
to kelly...you made my life change, 360 degrees, from a wild person, i changed...completely...new person...i have to leave now...leave, dont find me please....dont find me...
i take my leave...i need to cry?
funny, i typed faster than i ever had in my life... strange!
i weep i cry
for myself?
no one heres, broken heart...
cant heal, no time...
move on, but theres time...
stay on, but there is no love...
i lost all hopes,
all pride,
all honor.
at what price?
paid was that price...
done was that ritual of old,
i just cannot
believe that i still
live on...
i leave now, partake whatever i want.
see the last, breathe the air,
once more...
the gates close, i move on,
s whisper the good-bye,
and cry in my heart...
so much is a seraph...
i look in the skys, the gods
stare at me.
i seek help
seek to return to bask
in their light,
once again...
they take me in,
with open hands.
i feel warm,
true love, concern,
for there is where,
i am truely cared for...
as a protector...i was cared for
for if i were not there,
they would not live.
the word will die,
the halls will burn,
thsu is my task, my
true and only task...
i look back, once again,
ask myself,
had the life been good?
yes, no? maybe...
but i will take my chances...
i smile, wipe off the tears...
i move on...into the bright light...
no more turning back....i guess...i loved my life, it will go now...now to undertake larger tasks, before i come bak to the more subtle aspects of life...
crying helps... and i look foward to a new tomorrow...hopefully, with new things...new light...new pursuits, new joy, new sorrow...all part of a new life!
light my way ♥
Saturday, August 12, 2006 ;
2:41 PM
just finished rushing through this really difficult essay from literature, and it all sucks because the ideas are just so difficult to think of...
have to submit it on monday...
i think the updates for today would be the virtual pet! wonder what i would adopt!
just helped my mom make her own blog! haha, told her it really helps, because blogging is better than just playing all the computer games...cool!
think there will be no downloads for today! because well, ongakusuki has nothing to offer...forgot to check viezone though...
well, went for focus today, boring lesson, with the teacher saying that there was once when singapre snowed...lame....they all say "talk cock lah"
oh well, tonight i will go see some fireworks! cool!
wonder if me mom will read me blog...she says she will...now even my brother wants one!
i am still trying to figure how to post songs on my blog...i would want a song from ellegarden played on my blog!
peace.
light my way ♥
Friday, August 11, 2006 ;
5:38 PM
lmao, retaking channa because its a C5! WTMF!!!
today was o lvl english oral, it was suck...very sucky examiner, lousy points...arghh...screw up
i am making major maintenance to this blog by the way...
she is bugging me now i hate it!!! and she is late today!!!
i dont mind though, haha, somehow...?
now the new skin is a GSD one, very cool, very nice, gauranteed!
nothing much to write, but need to go for stupid chemistry focus tomorrow!!! hate that teacher!!
new updates:
fixed the links section!!! yarrh! now can link to people!
new skin!
new tagboard, though not so new now, got someone tagging it now, i think
updated profile
THATS ALL FOLKS!
light my way ♥
Wednesday, August 09, 2006 ;
4:48 PM
cool! national day! is a holiday today...i may not have much to do with this country, not much alliegance, but its great anyway? be happy for those who are celebrating their birhdays...this country celebrates its 41st birthday...
so there is a surprised planed for her birthday huh...i like it too...especially since i am going to be a part of it and all...i hope she likes it real good, and it doesnt kill my schedule!
i feel like changing the blog skin real soon, and i have gotten myself my third tag board, but i just hope that nothing bad happens to it!
ah...finally back on the pink of health, but i cant taste well...food is tasteless...so much for eating what i really like...
i feel my hand itching again, and feel the essence running in its veins again...i can write and draw again! as soon as i regain my strength, i should continue my passion for the arts, real soon...
so much for a long holiday...i have to look foward to a series of tests, extremely grueling and i have to study! i mean, thats ggoing to be difficult! but i will try...i guess, at least i know i have tried...
i know i can do it!
ah...i guess...once again, i have something t loom foward to at the end of the month, and my expertise has been sought once again. in july, it was how i wrote, now, it was how i cared...how i loved...
i just dont want to be used, i want to be needed, to be sought, to be of help to anyone who needs it most, anything, no matter how difficult, will try my best, somehow......i seem to want to serve others, but seem to think that i am not meant to help...i dnot know, perhaps my thinking has been marred by years of poor experiences, damn those fools...
i still have her...i guess...i hope...i can only hope...
ah...NDP was wal cool...but the president was so stern...wish he would loosen up a little, which he did, at the hand, he shook hands with one kid...wasnt that cool?
visited her blog...well...there was this hug thing which i tapped will it was over 40, and well...i have to say, i learnt some, for myself...learnt some from reading her blog...
she did not mention me...lmao
should i start mentioning names soon? cuz its my own blog anyway, ah who cares...people read my stuff so i have to be careful...
speaking of which, i best go look for a new blog skin real soon, because i think that i should change my blog outlook every so often...
ah...now to find some entertainment...perhaps i will go for a round of gofl in pangya? no? maybe continue to blog and chat? cool? yea...everything is...tomorrow i would have to study again! for a math test! nd i might have to use the comp solely for work real soon, use less! cuz the "o"s are coming...goddamnit i hate the "o"s.
always full of surprises life is...yea...LIFE...by YUI....here it is...
Doro darake yo najime nai tokai de
Onaji you ni warae nai utsumuite aruita no
Isogi ashi de surechigau hito-tachi
"Yume wa kanai mashita ka?"
ATASHI mada MOGAite iru
Kodomo no goro ni modoru yori mo
Ima wo umaku ikite mitai yo
Kowagari wa umare tsuki
Hi no atari basho ni dete
Ryoute wo hirogete mita nara
Ano sora koete yukeru ka na?
Nante omottanda
Tobitatsu tame no tsubasa
Sore wa mada mie nai
KANTAN ni ika nai kara ikite yukeru
Nureta koinu hiroi ageta dakede
Chotto warae chau hodo
Namida ga koborete kita
Aisaretai aisaretai bakari
ATASHI itte ita yo ne
Motomeru dake ja dame ne
Kodomo no goro wa MAMA no koto
Hidoku kizutsuketa
Hi mo atta yo ne kawari tai
Ima zenbu
Hi no ataru basho ni dete
Kono te wo tsuyoku nigitte mitai
Ano basho ano toki wo kowashite
I can change my life
Demo kokoro no naka subete wo
Totemo tsutae kire nai
KANTAN ni ika nai karaIkite yukeru
Hi no ataru basho ni dete
Chizu wo hirogete miru kedo
I know... You know...
Mayoi michi mo shikata nai
I can change my life
Sugite kita hibi zenbu de
Ima no atashi nanda yo
KANTAN ni ika nai karaIkite yukeru
thats LIFE, from YUI...pretty much a good song for all! and i like it so!
looking foward to tomorrow as always! late sleep! cool! haha, i like a good night's sleep...though i dont allign myself with the dark any more...its dangerous musiness dealing with them!
so much for all!
haha...peace! ^^
light my way ♥
Tuesday, August 08, 2006 ;
4:21 PM
man...
i was sick! coultn't crawl out of bed! now istill cant breathe...
man...wishing i could be there for her again...
the sq thing...read her blog...hope that she forgets this fiasco real soon...cuz...well...frankly, i dont give a damn any more...yea...jus to keep that as a reminder...
one day absence and i have to do a ton of literature work...sometimes i want to strangle the life out of that burly walrus of a literature teacher...she made me overwork...and i cant see how the others will benefit from being overworked...pity...
cant help feeling there is something watching me from above...
feel like playing game now, when i am supposed to do my work...mom not at home and all...ahh who cares...just finish my work and be done with it!
seriously, i feel very tired...very tired...
i dont seem to have much kick into drawing any more...why?
losing everything again...looks like i have to collect it back again!
ah...Back to work!
light my way ♥
Saturday, August 05, 2006 ;
5:00 PM
well...much has happened...
she came back to me...and i wasnt prepared too! well...you could see that it was pretty difficult for me...but she was like crying and well...very sad...she wanted to die...well...i was there...
so i said i would be there for her no matter what it took, and i would do anything i could even if i could not...guess what...and now...i am at a loss...
i told her that i had to settle a few things before she could call me...actually, its easier said than done...if i am going to allow her to call me whenever, wherever, i would have to make her calls bypass everything that is in place to prevent that from happening...well...its difficult...for one, she cant txt message me, and we can only call each other...even if she calls, well...it just does not look good...but i have to do it...some how...i feel i must do it...you can call it love, or concern...anything...just cant let anything to happen to her...
in a way...i waited one year to feel the same thing as she did when i did what she is doing to me now, on her...it kind of feels wierd, but different, more of concern, not of infatuation anymore..i feel that i can do anything and can help her...i want to help her...i hate to see her so helpless...its my job...its what i like to do...
i hate sad people...
i want her to know that there is someone who really cares for her, and will be by her side when she needs it...but he also needs her support at times, and motivation...
i just hope that our relationship will be one which is helpful, helping each other instead of just infatuation...true love, not impulsive affection...thats what i feel now..
oh well...i forgot her blog url! haha...and she is nt online... oh well...
now...got bigger problems...i need to upgrade my IE7 and its getting hard, since i dont know how to fix up the cracked version...
feel so lost now......looks like i am the one who needs help? haha
she asked me if our relationship would last...i told her...if you think it will, it will...that was a wrong answer...oh well...i will tell her real soon...but i hope its not too late!
light my way ♥
Wednesday, August 02, 2006 ;
10:14 PM
yea man...
had a easy few days...and i keep on forgetting to bring the laptop damnit!
well...it just so happens that people are trying to aggravate the situation back in school...the sq problem...but i hit some links, and well...i should be able to solve it real soon. i should not feel bad or guilty anyway...i have no feelings of sorts...
there is this new guy called nigel in class...wonder if he is related to the ritual, the thing i want to forget...ah well... i dont wanna remember!
well...i feel like a new person...and han said there would be jamming real soon! cool, cant wait...but i have been practising jazz drum beats...thanks to bonnie pink! rrghh...
oh well...ant got his new phone...looks cool too...he took photos with it...digital ixus and all...cool phone...btw...wish i had mine...wont get it until the end of the year...but i dont mind! seriously!
well...went fr physics focus...and now i can really focus since i went to focus, and will be able to focus since they say that focus is to help you focus on your studies, and focus will help you focus on where you are weak on, therefore focus will make you focus and double focus until you cannot focus, and focus until tyou stop focusing because when exams finish you dont need focus, since you dont ever need to focus again...so much for FOCUS!
oh well...kelly just msned me just now...she got real emo and said stuff like wanting to die and stuff like that...ah well...same thing as always...i help out...say i would b there for her n stuff...well...turned out gr8...hope so...she seemed okay...going to phone her later...
oh well...got lit work to rush, and people piling to ask me for help...sometimes i hate jane, because she is aassociated with work, and jane and work make a deadly combination...
hope for a better tomorrow? you bet!
peace.
light my way ♥
