life got meaningless after i temporarily left lin and the others... though i can worry less...and maybe by the time i get back to them, i might have just lost my place in the band, but i am prepared for it, because frankly, seeing that looks on their faces, i know they have sort of lost interest, and it might not be good for me to return, unless they are fully okay with it......

seriously, if there were something that i must tell them, it would be that to jam with guilt or to jam while thinking of outside stuff will suck, makes me unable to concentrate, and i hate it when that happens

thats all i have to say for the band. anyways, i guess i am not going anywhere afterall, because the thailand trip does not require my presence, and i feel that staying at home would be best. and i guess the reason i leave the band temporarily (maybe?) is mainly because of my parents. that is going to stick with me all my life man, the humiliation of having to listen to what your mommie and daddie says, even at such an age, feel so ashamed man.

locked up at home with just my mom, it sucks because i have nowhere to go......

or is it? is this the reality?

hum...... tell you the real story blog....

i left the band because my parents asked me to, and also because it would be difficult to jam under their noses. the trip to thailand was just an excuse so that i did not have to jam, because it would be very difficult for me. it was so selfish. if this goes out ima gonna get the sack, knowing they will not listen to anymore nonsense. see thatface on des and i know he cant tolerate no more. guess thats the end of me...... cant redeem myself no more, and guess reality is more serious than fantasy...

sucky parents, thats what i would blame... excuses are hard to make you know?!? lies are hard to come up man, and making flawless plans require thinking. and i am just running low on ideas and time to do such things...... i no longer have any guilt, all thanks to previous experience. i feel no remorse, no pity, no guilt. only stressed, that such plans are difficult to create, fabricate...

sometimes, i feel that the life i have right now, it is all built on lie after lie, and in the end, it is all nothing but big fat lies! i am just some fucking liar, covering my ass, living in bloody denial, and giving in all the bloody time, while thinking of how to cover my bloody fat ass.

i am so useless...why?

sometimes i wish i can just jump into one of my many manga fantasies and just forget everything, and not be able to return to real life or reality. i just wanna run away, erase my identity, have a new name, live away from my past, deny completely that it is even there, and start anew. completely reset everything...

how i wish...



ima gonna have to leave my current band. i dont think the current state of things is going to solve anything. had arguements with parents, and i know arguements will persist if this goes on, and i am getting increasingly sick and tired of all the fucking bullshit. gone were he days when i could just invent any kind of bullshit like *snap* this. gone were the days where i could tolerate everything that stood my way. now, its the selfish era. i got to think for myself. i got to find out what is it that i really want. what my life is. why i am here, what was i made for. selfish questions, but i think its about time i considered anyway, being selfless sucks too.

now i was given yet another mandate to stop sourcing for bands in the internet. heck fuck do i care about it man, i will find a band, go underground, but will bid my time. cuz i have to fight my computer gaming addiction, right until i step into the polytechnics.

to Morir es Vivir members, sorry that i let you down. des wanted me out, and i left formally, at 11:30am this day. i leave because i must, and staying will pull you guys down anyway. dont want to burden you guys with my cartload of bullshit, i want to settle my ruined life a bit. next move is to have proper lessons and training, and a proper band to be with. it will be another band finding experience for me, but its the only way. hope you guys find a better drummer, and best of luck for superband 9if you guys are going at all). also want to thank you guys for having given me opportunities, and i appreciate it, and also i learnt much from you guys. a big thank you! Arigatou Gozaimasta!

back to a life where i remember vividly. no enjoyment, all conformism and bore. now i dont know whether to return to working life, but to finance my future gaming and jamming exploits, i have to consider this painful and ardeous walkway.

life's like that...i guess.......

ah, now for the technical aspect of things. this blog is going to get another makeover real soon. i just dont know what theme to base it on. but as soon as i find something that i like, i guess i will be able to make this blog look great like in the past! at least these are the only happy things i can keep myself occupied with...*sigh*

new anime coming up on arts central! rumbling hearts! wonder what it will be like. no more get backers though...so i just wanna wish them a very happy goodbye. they were awesome in entertaining me for many nights, where i would be sick with worry about band problems, and what new excuses to make just to jam.

no moire guilt, but no more fun, no more life... wonder if the price was too steep...



another weekend...hmm...

went to ja yesterday, saw the looks on their faces and it told me all...whats more, i dont think i might have anymore time with them, or myself...i seriously dont even have time for myself... i am running dry of excuses, and getting extremely touchy of late. this will lower the performance of the band, coordination will not be there if this goes on...

so i told lin at night that i suggested we freeze the band, cuz rachel will not make it in april, and me, in march, and we would freeze the band until may......i dont know... all i said was just... suggestions... i dont know how the band will take it... they can reject my proposal i wont mind...but, well, if they come up with something i find difficult to deal with, i guess all i have to do is to think hard of some mopre excuses, and play along...

whoa, stopped typing just to "argue" with my mom...... looks like she knows my activities...she agrees tom let me jam now!!! wahahaha!!!

now i have to pay up my tab, and be regular in payments... looks like i can come out with compromise.



the cny was okay, met relatives, stuff, eat, watch movie, sleep, play comp, and even FORGOT TO BLOG!!!

only thing is, few asked about my o levels, and that is a relief itself!

visiting does not end though, heading to ant's place this friday, and to swing sticks!

nothing much do do now...



man, today is new year's eve, haha, have to head over to one of my uncle's place to eat some reunion dinner thing, which has been the tradition for quite awhile

anyways, i have decided on one thing, which is not to reveal anything about my o levels to any relatives if possible, as i do not want some conversation about it. nor will i tell which polytechnic i will be going to...really hate such people...it really pays to be humble!

anyways, got a blister from practicing and a scath...

i dont there will be anything interesting to write now in the morning...all i want to do is to go net surfing for a while before i hit some games... and really relax myself this nice weekend...i hope it does not rain though...and of course, the sun is great when i woke up...hope it will stay the same or the next few days no?

never really knew what i should be doing sometimes...of course, a few downloads are running as we speak...the new arrivals better be nice to hear....i am dumping them into my mp3 pront though...cant be listening to GLAY all day long! haha

ah...nothing much, just that i feel rather relaxed actually...i dont know what i can stand to lose this saturday morning...just want to thank the stars for watching me all this while... haha, pays to be thankful though..

i m now listening o some of my older songs such as YUI...i remember, YUI was one of the first few singers that bekoned me into the genre of jpop, and later on, i leaped into jrock... looks like every jrocker hass a history for himself no?

now, to check if the downloads are ready, and get a few more! an also to change my rickety chair! adeiu!

peace to all!



okay, new year is coming, and well, lots of money to collect, and lots of relatives to appease, and shut them up?

anyways, practice isnt paying off, i am getting sleepless nights, and blisters wont go away, maybe they are healing now tho... quite pain, need glove...

so happy that the house is finally clean, so i dont need to be sent running around doing some cleaning...tho it was rather relaxed actually...

now, i managed to figure out how to put song on my blog...haha, this is one of my longtime favourites, but its not looping...so i have to try fix that part...

going back to monatoesprit insteand of mapling all day soon, beginning to find maple boring because all i can do is grind, and i hate grinding/pharming for long hours...

anyways, band members, here is the update, for one song dicky sent me...wonder why the sudden decision, but i learnt it anyway, quite an okay song...think des and rachel will need this upload most? you never know!

http://download.yousendit.com/F282CF2D1E2816B5



tomorrow, i get back the o level results, and it kinda sucks because i have long forgotten if i was confident during the o levels or not, so i no longer am able to expect what kind of grades i am gonna get! how stupid can that be?!?

ah well, set my mind to do a course which i had earlier thought was impossible because it is not my bloody interest, but now, since the misunderstanding and naievity has been cleared, i think i can step into poly in peace!

nothing to expect, even for my o lvl, because i know its going to be mediocre marks again, but what marks i get, it had better be good!

ah, will get to wear my school uni one last time and then, well, i never get to wear it again! but i guess ima gonna keep it as some keepsake stuff, including my badge. cuz no matter how bad it sounds, it was still my school, at least tribute it a little...

now i have got some problems here. the blogskins website does not seem to be working properly, hey, it works now, but it worked pretty bad yesterday, perhaps it was computer problem. ah i dont carre. ima gonna spruce up this blog once more, and changes should be underway, to make way for the new year!



man...damn it, cant leave the house now...shit the curfew...i hate it...
















okay, due to popular demand, i will post something interesting...

first up, gundam stargazers!!! its the new gundam series that is now being aired i tokyo tv, and i dont know where they are now, meaning which episode they are airing now, but i know for certain that their first opening was sung by HIGH and MIGHTY COLOR, and i have the song here... will be updating and putting the url for download...wanna listen its for free...

from what i know, it is a separate story, different from seed and seed destiny, new characters, same gundam (different models) and lots of girls (thats a rumor, saw nothing but posters and reviews)

then singapore won the asean cup against thailand! you should have seen the trophy, only two countries that have won the cup are singapore and thailand, their names are the only one etched on that trophy, for 6 years...

man, seriously the thais were strong, i must admit, singapore had a tough fight...

ah nothing much anymore, but i believe its gonna be a busy week next week.



wahahaha!!! spent all morning just to cram my previous comp into my study...now, the study is an entertament hub!!!

man, woke up all groggy this morning just to push a table out of the study! man...was having bad dreams last nite...

and when i went into the pantry to find no coffee, i was like wtflmfaowhyistherenocoffee?!? so i had to use 3in1 coffee......hate 3in1...was looking for that jar of nescafe...my dad took it away i guess...

so no more late night cuppa...or else that grouch will steal my coffee jar!!!

no coffee...then have to choke on bread, with straits times as my friend...headlines say that singapore beat thailand...there will be a new water cleaning plant to use river water...yea...saw yacob ibrahim talking on the news yesterday...dunno what it was about anyways......singapore win thailand?!?!? man...all becos of that ravichandran ref...so bloody kayu...the alam shah and the thailannd player both jump back together what, y award foul like no mother one? u think i never watch asean cup final ar? make the thai coach so bloody angry, see piss them off...as if thailannd do not have enough problems with singapork already lor... we allow thaksin come in they not happy...now at the second leg on sunday at bangkok, they say what, got demonstrators outside singapore embassy? wtfrotflmfaostfu man, all because of lousy diplomacy lor...

let thailand win lah, let them happy abit lor...... young lions got future chance what..."YOUNG" lions leh, YOUNG leh...

ah who cares about that match...i hate disgruntled players and coaches...

man, yesterday...slept with mp3 on...listen to gekka...then learn halfway...then sleep...rothlmfao... nevermind...tonight got chance one hehehe......more practice..... and tonite i wanna do some more manga...

not just watch anime tho...must draw once again...makes me feel aggravated knowing that my skill is rusty and needs polishing...

man, watched some beatboxing show, and now i am like beatboxing all the time at home...my mom thinks i went crack in the head lmfao...

tonight...more tv...more practice...day time...more cleaning... need to clean the bloody house, to make it less bloody for the new year... although if it were bloody, it would would superdupermegaultramotherfuckingly auspicious, cuz its red, no, should be crimson huh...

ah, kid bro smuggled handphone to school again! then smses me to tell me he has to go to a friend's house to some projekt....... and askes me to train his account lmao....... ok guess have to help him a little, cuz i make him pay some money lmfao...

wah...the shuffle option in my itunes is cursed or summat...its playing all my favourite songs back to back!!! woohoo!!!!!

ilovemycomeomgilovemycompsomotherfuckinglyloveyousweetie...

ah...if you dont want to be hit by sticks, dont want to be my high hat or snare drums, then get outta my room....practice starts now!!!!! life hazard to all except me (player)!!!

i am goin crazy...

name: Jen jenocideDC.
birthday: 17/01/90
zodiac: capricorn

what do you wanna know...
hmm...okays, just read my blog
to find out what i like lol

manga art, silly stuff...jrock, jpop...bands: Asian Kung-Fu Generation(AKFG), ELLEGARDEN, Do As Infinity, HIGH and MIGHTY COLOR, Gazzette, Dir En Grey, An Cafe,many more...
think i like reading manga on the net, or just download them...music, just listen on my mp3, the ultimate isolating technology...and yes, i so wanna upgrade my stuff now...
guess thats it?

Free shoutbox @ ShoutMix

kev naz Cedric a.k.a. Jun Hao iris Des dionsaurs? Finoa Amanda link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link designer | kathleen
image | nabhan

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