Monday, July 24, 2006 ;
4:51 PM
crap! complications arize~~
it seems that the people at TheaterWorks may not have my aplication form for the playwriting competition...but looks like they gave me a chance, submit by tomorrow...if it works, i hope, cuz it must! i planned like mad!
oh well...i decided that literature was not so interesting, so, i slept through, and got scolded... oh really? we just chatted...and looks like problems can be solved through diplomacy...
so, that someone i wanna clarify things with... well, lets just say, i dunno how it is going! i passed her today...she still was...fearful...goddamnit... need time? i guess...i will wait... anyway, after i solve problems, i leave... and lead normal life again, wishing problems can always be resolved... hopefully...i gave up something for something...it just has got to work... it has to..
maybe next time, i will have to give up more things, even the things i value most, for something i will ever need... i just hope to make the world a happy place...make the place i live in, tranquil, that's all...
i havent admitted to her yet, but words just pass around like fire...burns and scars my skin...it hurts so... and now, i have to sarcrifice it for what is really needed, and i am ready...
i have once sworn an oath to protect all that are important to me...even if it meant death... i have some things that are dear to me... feelings, material items, maybe because they have some value in them, deep value, value that money cant buy, that only experience, love, hate, joy, sorrow, loss, gain, mostly bad than good, but i learn to cherish things i already have, although i am a litle slow in things
deleted the 5gb game! replaced it with something smaller! phew... i now have to hunt for more songs!
oh well...i have been planning, and have friends who planned for my playwrite, but it seems that it might never come? do i need to give something again?
sometimes, i wonder...do i have to keep on giving things? do i have to pity others all the time? do i serious need to help people all the time? i am known as a loofer, and someone who does not seem like he wants to do nything good for anyone...can i be accepted? trusted? but why is it that people still look for me? why is it that ironic?
life, as i know it, is unfair at times, and is fair too... like i said before, it is all these small bits that determine what life we have, and it is those small bits that makes life so interesting for all of us.
can i make her change her perception? can i continue to pity him forever? can i really trust them all? are they really using me?
sq, hope to change your perception real soon, know i am some kind of idiot to you right now, maybe i am really an idiot...i am sorry ffor that...i wont mess things again... hope so... will try...
nig, you have my pity, but do you deserve it? the others might not like that idea...
sam, naz, are you all sincere about helping me? somethimes i think i may be too hard on you guys, but i cant help it...but i feel guilty!
nel, wx, ksb, dun, ian, u sure i can be with you guys all the way? not just in sports?
ant, alow, junhao...u sure you not using me? i have been giving you answers all the time... shouldnt you be helping yourselves>
i have broken a policy to put names, but i just felt like it anyway...i feel better...its my own diary, it may not be secret, let it be difficult for me...i just hope the conversation stops here...
just like always...
really hope to escape it all, and run away...into the high heavens...
light my way ♥
