Wednesday, January 24, 2007 ;
10:57 PM
ha
left my previous job because i did not pass the stupid probation, ah who wants to stay at kumon anyways? they pay miserly, and they just cant seem to accept people like me, damnit, i dont like it at all.
anyways, i found a new painting job, which turned out fun at first, just so because i can draw murals on the walls, but when it came to painting, i wasnt that good, and another employee had to do the painting part, but seriously, i have done enough of the pencil and marker work on the plaster cardboard walls already. my employer is this nice motherly lady, her name's mararet. she talks about her employees to her mother often, and lunch is provided, haha cool or what...
ah did not get to see people until today, which is also the day i left, because the job is a health hazard, i just cant take dust and lacquere and turpentine, and paint...so i left, with a note saying that i left because of health issues, but pay day's on friday so i suppose i have to go back for a while, and see if the pictures i drew are painted already. humm...i gotta remember to take some photos! haha, because i have never done anything on such a large scale...
i cant wait for this saturday to come, because i am heading to anthony's again! havent seen him in a while, but i will be visitng him in the morning, and i will be heading to his house to take a look at his JC notes...hope it will be of help though...
i have given my future education some thought...i say i did give much thought to others, who probe me on what i would like to do in my tertiary education, but in actual fact, things arent as glorious as they seem to be...gah...
actually, i do not know where i am heading, have no aim, once again, and i feel almost helpless...cant really tell others about it but i just can only share it in this blog. sometimes, when someone asks me where i would like to go, i would always tell them that i had no answer, or i had to see my o level restuls and see where they would bring me to. i have always harboured the thought that wherever i go, i will have something to do, be it JC or Polytechnic, but i just cant decide where i want to go...
to JC, and will be the beginning of alot of troubles, and i have to study like, real hard? but the rewards are great, holidays, an A Level, and more open route th the varsity, but no fun? only for academic pursuits. even so, i am beginning to doubt whether i can really go to a JC. it may be demanding there, but the rewards, and the qualifications are really excellent, you cannot resist!
to the Poly, and i will; be able to pursue a course in either design or business, depending om my choice. that path leads me to more music, which i want to pursue badly. that way, i will be able t play band and jam all the time, whenever i like, and generally have fun at the polytechnic. but the qualificatioon does not look that nice, seriously a diploma isnt much, especially a diploma without a degree...
i wanna succeed in life, but sometimes, i feel that the best optiion is just to have fun wherever i go, maybe thats whats really important. i guess...
so, i take my chances, go where the wind goes, and even so, make sure i dont regret, but still have fun? if only life were like that. or perhaps i am just filled up with the mentality that being realistic is the thing...man thats so un-cool...
best option i have now, enjoy, haha, enjoy tyhe process of getting or doing something...
just hope the skies watch over me, as always...
dont look like much of a wallpaper, but i like it...reminds me of the fields, pastures, where i can just run, endless......i wanna be with somebody, but i just cant find someone to be with...as always, lone wolf? heh... i dont know......
syaoran is just so lucky though...look haha, and sakura always has him to watch over her...so lovely...if life could be that simple sometimes...
sometimes i wish i could just go and live in a world of my ovn once again, like i used to, but would that bring any good? i realized the importance of being with people, so i stepped out, you can call that self terapy, self help...man, every skill that i now possess, has been self taught.
my art skills are self taught, my drum skills are self taught, calligraphy is self taught, appreciation of art and literature is self discovered, getting out of a near autistic like state? self achieved. friends? self found. achievements? self earned...no teacher, just the self...
if everything is gonna turn out that way, i might as well go hone what i have in solitude first, before emerging stronger...seeing too much is damaging too sometimes...
ah now, i gotta rest my self...havent typed so fast in a long time...and i got a show to catch too! man, life is just so full of surprises huh...so...
people say my attitude is happy go lucky, but i say, i am just following the flow, following the winds, wherevert hey take me, because i know that the direction they piont to is my destiny, because, i believe the skies and stars will be watching me from above, and they have given me such gifts, so that i wont feel left out...so i must be grateful to the stars, granting me such abilities, i never thought i would have... and i will tell you why...
everytime i write something with the da vinci influenced writing of mne, i feel that it has been done by someone else...i look at my drawings and sketches and feel that it was not done by me...everytime i do something remarkable again, i feel ssome hands are guiding me, so i know, that the stars are watching me...the child of the abel?
i just cant explain, but i will not exploit...i may have to discover what else they have to offer me, and tribute them accordingly, and lead the life they suggest.
the rest is up to me..
light my way ♥
