life got meaningless after i temporarily left lin and the others... though i can worry less...and maybe by the time i get back to them, i might have just lost my place in the band, but i am prepared for it, because frankly, seeing that looks on their faces, i know they have sort of lost interest, and it might not be good for me to return, unless they are fully okay with it......

seriously, if there were something that i must tell them, it would be that to jam with guilt or to jam while thinking of outside stuff will suck, makes me unable to concentrate, and i hate it when that happens

thats all i have to say for the band. anyways, i guess i am not going anywhere afterall, because the thailand trip does not require my presence, and i feel that staying at home would be best. and i guess the reason i leave the band temporarily (maybe?) is mainly because of my parents. that is going to stick with me all my life man, the humiliation of having to listen to what your mommie and daddie says, even at such an age, feel so ashamed man.

locked up at home with just my mom, it sucks because i have nowhere to go......

or is it? is this the reality?

hum...... tell you the real story blog....

i left the band because my parents asked me to, and also because it would be difficult to jam under their noses. the trip to thailand was just an excuse so that i did not have to jam, because it would be very difficult for me. it was so selfish. if this goes out ima gonna get the sack, knowing they will not listen to anymore nonsense. see thatface on des and i know he cant tolerate no more. guess thats the end of me...... cant redeem myself no more, and guess reality is more serious than fantasy...

sucky parents, thats what i would blame... excuses are hard to make you know?!? lies are hard to come up man, and making flawless plans require thinking. and i am just running low on ideas and time to do such things...... i no longer have any guilt, all thanks to previous experience. i feel no remorse, no pity, no guilt. only stressed, that such plans are difficult to create, fabricate...

sometimes, i feel that the life i have right now, it is all built on lie after lie, and in the end, it is all nothing but big fat lies! i am just some fucking liar, covering my ass, living in bloody denial, and giving in all the bloody time, while thinking of how to cover my bloody fat ass.

i am so useless...why?

sometimes i wish i can just jump into one of my many manga fantasies and just forget everything, and not be able to return to real life or reality. i just wanna run away, erase my identity, have a new name, live away from my past, deny completely that it is even there, and start anew. completely reset everything...

how i wish...

name: Jen jenocideDC.
birthday: 17/01/90
zodiac: capricorn

what do you wanna know...
hmm...okays, just read my blog
to find out what i like lol

manga art, silly stuff...jrock, jpop...bands: Asian Kung-Fu Generation(AKFG), ELLEGARDEN, Do As Infinity, HIGH and MIGHTY COLOR, Gazzette, Dir En Grey, An Cafe,many more...
think i like reading manga on the net, or just download them...music, just listen on my mp3, the ultimate isolating technology...and yes, i so wanna upgrade my stuff now...
guess thats it?

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kev naz Cedric a.k.a. Jun Hao iris Des dionsaurs? Finoa Amanda link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link link designer | kathleen
image | nabhan

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